Critique my WIP...

[klymr]

I'm not quite feeling it. I still need to add some sort of bar between the two blocks of text. I need to work on the layout of the text also. Too much leading on the left and not enough on the right. What other suggestions do y'all have for me? This is just the first of 6 pages of the spread I have to design. Haven't decided if I'm gunna run text over the shoes or not.

Anyway, go ahead and let 'er rip, I'm ready for it.

 

[CanadaRAM]

The distresed font's ok in the Short But Hard, however for me it's too hard to read in the Bouldering... bit -- which is essential to convey the meaning of the page. I keep reading it as olimbing and essenoe.

 

[klymr]

The distresed font's ok in the Short But Hard, however for me it's too hard to read in the Bouldering... bit -- which is essential to convey the meaning of the page. I keep reading it as olimbing and essenoe.

Yeah, that's kinda what was bothering me too. It was REALLY hard to read before I adjusted the tracking of all that section. The word climbing was WAY bad. Wonder if it would help to make it all caps like the rest. I'm going for an eroded look throughout the article, and I liked that font because it looked that way. Hmm....

BTW, here is what the original photo looked like. HDR and a lot of Photoshop to get it where it is now.

 

[Claytoniss]

I think that the text needs to be switched around with the title on the left. The order and way it reads is a little awkward, what is the emphasis? Your original pic is really symmetric and seems to cut the piece into to halves. And the text makes it pretty bottom heavy. Maybe try the text in different areas.

 

[bluetooth]

I like the way you have layed out the "Short but Hard" text, but the other text does not really do it for me. It just does not seem to work with that font in lower case and the alternating colour scheme in both sets of text make it look a little overdone, almost too symmetrical or too in sync with the colour of the shoes.

I do like the overall concept though.

 

[wshld]

The "Short but Hard" text is good. But the grunge you put on the text on the left doesn't work. Try with a smooth font like Myriad Pro or something similar and i would also change the color, probably white.

 

[klymr]

Wow, is everyone really so busy they can't comment on this?

I want the overall front page to have some unity, so I'm worried about changing the font face and color. Do you think that will ruin it? I don't know. I'm confused as what to do here.

I've swapped the two bodies of text with each other and it looks a little better. I'll keep messing with it and hope something works out. I was supposed to be doing the InDesign CS3 tutorials the last few weeks and have only finished 1 out of 12. If I didn't have to turn them in I'd be a lot better off because the DVD from Lynda.com that came with my CS3 Suite teaches stuff a lot faster, lol. Anyway, back to my spread.

 

[klymr]

I decided to take a more simple route on this. This is how it currently is, and how it will stay. I don't want to mess with it anymore. I know, the font is still hard to read, but I don't care at this point. I just want to finish it!

 

[irishgrizzly]

Is this an advert or a magazine article?

 

[klymr]

Is this an advert or a magazine article?

It is the title page to a magazine spread that I have to do for class. The assignment was to redesign an article we liked. I've been working on it for 12 hours straight now and I'm just finishing page 2 of 6.

 

[Belly-laughs]

How about making the block of text to the left fit the height of the first line to the right?

 

[irishgrizzly]

It is the title page to a magazine spread that I have to do for class. The assignment was to redesign an article we liked. I've been working on it for 12 hours straight now and I'm just finishing page 2 of 6.

Where you start your article with a large hanging "H", maybe you should set this in the same type and colour as your heading

 

[klymr]

Where you start your article with a large hanging "H", maybe you should set this in the same type and colour as your heading

Tried that, I didn't like the look of it. It didn't fit in very well. It's a very beginning design class teaching illustrator, photoshop, and indesign. I'm not too worried about it.

 

[irishgrizzly]

Tried that, I didn't like the look of it. It didn't fit in very well. It's a very beginning design class teaching illustrator, photoshop, and indesign. I'm not too worried about it.

Cool, it's looking good!

You could play with a watermark made from the tracks of the sole in the background to add texture.

 

[ezekielrage_99]

I like the second one you did, the image keeps it's intergrity while the text is easier to read. Nice work

 

[klymr]

Teacher and class like the spread, so that's good. My teacher liked how clean it was. A lot of other students work was not as clean and in order. Lots of very small, tight margins, etc. Text running into objects. There was one guy in class that should seriously not be in school for graphic design. He has it nailed already! His spread was breath taking, as were his past projects. Someday, right, lol.

 

[klymr]

I like the second one you did, the image keeps it's intergrity while the text is easier to read. Nice work

It printed a little dark, but that's kinda my fault. I darkened all the images a bit too much. I'm most likely going to reprint one just for myself to have AFTER I finish touching it all up, but not anytime soon. It seems everything I did before wasn't working for me and then around 6 am this morning that second idea hit me and ran with it. My teacher loved how everything was tied together through color and type. I'll have to post the PDF. It was kinda fun, but I wish I could have had that inspiration a couple weeks ago when I started the project.

 

[bluetooth]

I like the second concept over the first, nice and clean as your teacher stated. Good work.

 

[klymr]

I like the second concept over the first, nice and clean as your teacher stated. Good work.

It looked really nice on paper, minus the dark pictures.

 

[avincent52]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner.
I used to be a magazine editor at Conde Nast so whether or not I know what I'm doing when it comes to picking a part a layout, someone paid me as if I did.

The biggest problem is the font. Fonts have a "feel" to them, and the feel changes when you scale them up to headline size.
And this font feels almost kitschy and retro, kinda 70s.
The story and the image are natural and organic, and this font is anything but. It also clashes with the text font in your second concept.
You clearly felt this in some way, so you tried to "distress" it. The more elegant solution is to find the right font to begin with.

Which is the right font? If I knew, I'd be a designer, but I might try something that feels really clean and solid (boulder-like?) like Franklin Gothic.

http://www.myfonts.com/fonts/bitstream/franklin-gothic/

Go to the More Fonts Like This tab on the link above and it shows literally hundreds of other fonts.

On the other hand, a heavy serif could give it a classic feel. Check out Clarity and Clarity Lost on page seven of the More Fonts list tab. There are lots of good answers.

I'd play with the typeface, and ask both your professor and the guy who aces every project for some feedback.

While I understand why you started darkening the photo with the reversed type, when I saw the original photo, it became clear to me that the rock was as much a part of the composition--and the message--as the shoes. In that second layout, try swapping in the original photo.

Your two concepts would work very differently in a magazine BTW. The first feels like the opener to a 6-8 page spread. The second with that much text on the page, is more like a column or a short feature that might have one spread and probably going to be continued in the back of the magazine.

best
Allen St. John

 

[klymr]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner.
I used to be a magazine editor at Conde Nast so whether or not I know what I'm doing when it comes to picking a part a layout, someone paid me as if I did.

The biggest problem is the font. Fonts have a "feel" to them, and the feel changes when you scale them up to headline size.
And this font feels almost kitschy and retro, kinda 70s.
The story and the image are natural and organic, and this font is anything but. It also clashes with the text font in your second concept.
You clearly felt this in some way, so you tried to "distress" it. The more elegant solution is to find the right font to begin with.

Which is the right font? If I knew, I'd be a designer, but I might try something that feels really clean and solid (boulder-like?) like Franklin Gothic.

http://www.myfonts.com/fonts/bitstream/franklin-gothic/

Go to the More Fonts Like This tab on the link above and it shows literally hundreds of other fonts.

On the other hand, a heavy serif could give it a classic feel. Check out Clarity and Clarity Lost on page seven of the More Fonts list tab. There are lots of good answers.

I'd play with the typeface, and ask both your professor and the guy who aces every project for some feedback.

While I understand why you started darkening the photo with the reversed type, when I saw the original photo, it became clear to me that the rock was as much a part of the composition--and the message--as the shoes. In that second layout, try swapping in the original photo.

Your two concepts would work very differently in a magazine BTW. The first feels like the opener to a 6-8 page spread. The second with that much text on the page, is more like a column or a short feature that might have one spread and probably going to be continued in the back of the magazine.

best
Allen St. John

Thanks for the input. First off, this was a 6 page spread that I made. I liked the full page idea, but wasn't feeling it. The distressed font was already distressed to begin with. I didn't do anything but lay it out. It was a free font off of dafont.com. I wasn't about to pay for a font for this assignment. All the pictures in my spread were taking at an indoor climbing gym, including the shoes picture. The rest of them have those bright colorful plastic holds all over the stone-like walls. I tried to make those pictures more natural looking also. I could have done a lot better, but ran out of time. The only reason I'd be fixing all of this is for the satisfaction of knowing it's done "right," if that makes sense. Anyway, I'll play around with it at some future date and see what we come up with.