Goldman Sachs goes 12 better
The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Goldman Sachs is buying a "bakers dozen, ha ha" of the gold and jewel encrusted iPads for every employee to commemorate their triumph over the markets on Flash Crash Thursday. "What the hell, they've earned it," commented a jovial Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman chairman and CEO. "Besides, we've got to do something with all these US dollars before they are worth less than leaves in autumn, which we have decided will occur in the 3rd quarter," he added with a wink.
G.S. has also ordered custom leather cases made from the translucent skin of Greek widows and orphans, hand rubbed with the fat of recently beached Louisiana dolphins. Each iPad will have a congratulatory autograph from Warren Buffet.
In a desperate move to "ease tensions with Wall Street", the White House press secretary confirmed that president Obama had offered to sign the cases and pay for the iPads (with Treasury notes), but, not surprisingly, his calls, text messages, IMs and 'tweets' were not returned.
Unconfirmed reports have it that the Invisible Emperor, Lord de Rothchild himself, will present the precious iPads in a gala ceremony to be held in S.P.E.C.T.E.R. headquarters underneath an undisclosed volcano. Bono and the ghost of Michael Jackson are rumored to be attending and will perform a duet.
