I know that feeling. I've had me a 27" iMac (sold it a year ago). There's something inherently wrong with a machine, which you cannot open without suction cups.
Hmmm...
Honestly, (can't attest for any other MP than the one I currently have) this big box makes faar less noise under any stress level above 25% than either my previous iMac or my MBP i7Q. Also it does not heat up (the only component which reaches heat levels required for protein denaturation is the northbridge chip - an that is fairly small for bacon...) . If you want noise and heat, a Mini might be your best bet (especially as you really put some bacon on top of it...
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)
Seriously, 2 grand (whether euros, dollars or pounds) will get you a nice used 4,1 Mac Pro (see post ^), one or two nice displays and some upgrades (SSD & RAM). Furthermore, you can update the CPU's later.
My MP 3,1 (and I can't say whether it'll do what you'd ask of it - haven't tried) and display cost me ≈ 800 and I'm happy as a bunny who's been left in a grocery overnight. I know It's a technological dead-end - but my needs are different...
RGDS,