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I know a secret...

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iMacZealot

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Mar 11, 2005
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My brother dated this girl for three years until January 2007. It was a long distance relationship for about half that time, but it was very serious almost to the point of marriage. She dumped him because she was cheating on him, and I knew that for quite some time until he finally came to his senses and realised it.

They never spoke for several months, but started to sometime in the summer--- daily. My mom found out about this, and she became very upset. Nobody in my family likes her anymore. My mom had an intervention with him sometime in August, and he told her a few days later that they decided that it was best they never spoke again forever.

However, I was on the at&t online account, and I see her number on there everyday. Nobody but me and him know about this, and my mom would lose it and become very depressed if she found out about this. I believe that it is in my brother's nature to forgive rather easily, and I highly doubt that they've started something again. Besides, he's a big boy (26). My parents, on the other hand, have Irish Alzheimer's. What should I do? Let it go? Talk to him? Tattle?

Thanks.
 
Mind your own business and grow up were the first 2 things that came to mind.
 
Well, it's not like I went looking to see, I just came across it when I checked to see my SMS balance.

I don't want to tell my mom because she would get upset and I think he can forgive easily, but I feel like I should because my mom wants to protect him...
 
iMacZealot said:
Well, it's not like I went looking to see, I just came across it when I checked to see my SMS balance.

I don't want to tell my mom because she would get upset and I think he can forgive easily, but I feel like I should because my mom wants to protect him...
Click to expand...
He is a big boy now and can make big boy decisions. Your mom does not need to get involved in his life even if it is for his own good.
 
iMacZealot said:
Well, it's not like I went looking to see, I just came across it when I checked to see my SMS balance.

I don't want to tell my mom because she would get upset and I think he can forgive easily, but I feel like I should because my mom wants to protect him...
Click to expand...

First, don't be a dork. Tattle? Are you 12? I sure the hell hope so.

If he is 26 and your mom is still attempting to mother him that closely then there are serious issues there not just with your mom but for your brother who would actually sit through a so-called intervention about a girl who cheated on him. While cheating clearly sucks it is not like there was any sort of real abuse there. Interventions aren't meant for cheating sluts if you ask me.

It seems to me that it is difficult to find a happy median in parenting. Either they're really too involved or really too uninvolved. There are more great parents out there than not, but there are some, like your mom who need to let go a little. Your brother at 26 should be able to date, get his heart broken a few times, and then date again. Your mom on the other hand, while with good intentions, is really setting this guy up to be a social deviant.

I dig guys who are close to their parents right up until the parents decide for whatever reason that they're not to date me. It is not that I am selfish, but I believe that is a decision that needs to be made on their own. Again, if he is completely incapable of making such decisions then perhaps he is not mature enough to date anyway.

As for you, why don't you back off. It appears that you would love to follow in your mom's footsteps. So you know a secret? At this point my advice would be for your brother to start to stand on his own, get his own AT&T bill, perhaps even move out if he is emotionally capable. My guess is he is not. If you want to be him at 26 I think it's best for you to just to forget about it and hope that doesn't happen to you at 26.
 
jessica. said:
Your mom on the other hand, while with good intentions, is really setting this guy up to be a social deviant.
Click to expand...

Well, considering that he recently came back from an international tour and his music is being prominently featured on MTV and ABC right now, I'd say he's already a social deviant.
 
iMacZealot said:
Well, considering that he recently came back from an international tour and his music is being prominently featured on MTV and ABC right now, I'd say he's already a social deviant.
Click to expand...

That makes it even worse. He's been out there already and he comes home to deal with a piss-head little brother and a mother who unfortunately cannot let him make mistakes. It worries me that you say she'll get seriously depressed over this if she did know. But oh well. The internet is the last place I'd take parenting advice from therefore I shouldn't be handing it out. ;)
 
Let him ruin his own life, just sit back and watch him ruin his life with this cheating b***h.

Too harsh? Yea probably.
 
iMacZealot said:
Well, considering that he recently came back from an international tour and his music is being prominently featured on MTV and ABC right now, I'd say he's already a social deviant.
Click to expand...


who is he?

and why is it that he is still on your family plan if he is on MTV?
 
jessica. said:
First, don't be a dork. Tattle? Are you 12? I sure the hell hope so.

If he is 26 and your mom is still attempting to mother him that closely then there are serious issues there not just with your mom but for your brother who would actually sit through a so-called intervention about a girl who cheated on him. While cheating clearly sucks it is not like there was any sort of real abuse there. Interventions aren't meant for cheating sluts if you ask me.

It seems to me that it is difficult to find a happy median in parenting. Either they're really too involved or really too uninvolved. There are more great parents out there than not, but there are some, like your mom who need to let go a little. Your brother at 26 should be able to date, get his heart broken a few times, and then date again. Your mom on the other hand, while with good intentions, is really setting this guy up to be a social deviant.

I dig guys who are close to their parents right up until the parents decide for whatever reason that they're not to date me. It is not that I am selfish, but I believe that is a decision that needs to be made on their own. Again, if he is completely incapable of making such decisions then perhaps he is not mature enough to date anyway.

As for you, why don't you back off. It appears that you would love to follow in your mom's footsteps. So you know a secret? At this point my advice would be for your brother to start to stand on his own, get his own AT&T bill, perhaps even move out if he is emotionally capable. My guess is he is not. If you want to be him at 26 I think it's best for you to just to forget about it and hope that doesn't happen to you at 26.
Click to expand...

I second that.
Mistakes teach you lessons, and lessons are important to learn.
Either things will work out, or they won't.
And forgiveness is important. Sure, she cheated, but you know, people deserve another chance. Now, if they were MARRIED, that's a very different story. but for now - let it be. If she really did change, then maybe this was a test in their relationship. Maybe they were meant to be -and if your mom screws this up, no one will ever know!

Your brother is 26.
Not 6.
I think he can choose who he talks to, and who he doesn't.
 
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