Julien, see my post, i specifically said i went in and deleted any previous iCloud backups, and even attached the screenshot to show i have no pre-existing backup.
I feel like my only remaining options are to back up on my mac the old way and then restore (which is the height of absurd, considering the whole point of iCloud backup is to make restores less cumbersome - and who knows if this will even fix it), or to book a genius bar appointment, which is also a stupid time investment for these issues which seem to be flat out rampant with apple's half-functioning products anymore.
as someone who's been using apple products for the last 10 years, they are getting really close to losing a customer. and its not because i think the competition is better, but apple is sliding into a pit of mediocrity, and if thats where the industry is stuck, i can at least go for a cheaper option.