This looks really nice, and I enjoyed it a lot. But I also went to design school, so critique time everybody!
Not sure how Apple would pull off the 3D depth layers of the rotating galaxy, but as you said, pie in the sky and it is very cool. Also a galaxy rotating that quickly isn't scientifically possible, so some might take issue with that, but again, looks cool. 60fps made it seem cheap though, for whatever reason—perhaps less cinematic? More like British TV or something. Let's break down the shots:
- 0:00 - I'd pull out a little wider to start so you can see the dual camera better. Maybe zoom as it rotates in? Needs more context that the camera is now vertically oriented on the rear.
- 0:08 - This should be a touch wider, maybe a little slower or pull out to a wider as it spins slightly? The straight dolly shot seems too ordinary. Needs a touch of light to highlight the gloss texture along the bottom portion as it seems too dark and bleeds into the background, getting somewhat lost.
- 0:13 - I don't mind being closer on this shot but, like the shot before, the straight pan/dolly seems a bit on the boring side.
- 0:19 - I'd increase the polygon count on your model as that round edge, at that close of a focal distance, shows some slight artifacts along the side
- 0:25 - Pull out a little wider
- 0:32 - It would be neat if this shot was a bit more dynamic, such as starting a little wider, then rolling the camera in closer like it's going down into the galaxy or something?
- 0:39 - Fine
- 0:42 - Most fine, might cut the pan just before or just after the left icon comes into the shot
- 0:45 - This shot is successful, but I would speed it up on the outro. Maybe have the rear of the device fade up to meet it from behind, partway obscured so that the camera is showing? Reinforces the vertical design change of the camera as well. Also, partway through this shot, around the 0:50 mark, the bottom highlight/glow on the device seems a bit distracting. Maybe tone that down some?
Also, I'd add a shot somewhere of the side button changes, maybe sliding along then flipping over to the face for one of your frontal shots? Maybe think about how the different parts of the phone can transition to the others, making it a journey around the device in a way that shows off the device in a logical order, so that the shots feel more visually connected and cohesive? Doesn't have to be complete, just a bit more. The music is also something that Apple would not use, as they typically go for something a bit more upbeat and less overly dramatic. But I understand you're probably limited to stock audio because stupid copyright laws. But there are some interesting knock-off tracks out there that sound "Apple-y" enough that would get you closer, if you browse around.
Again, not my intention to knock your work. It's good work, I couldn't do this today, and I don't do 3D animation (I took some courses while in college, one in After Effects and the other in Lightwave), but I've been through hundreds of design critiques, as well as dozens of animation critiques and film critiques, and hopefully you've been through some yourself and appreciate constructive criticism.
If you want, I've got some interesting ideas for possible iPhone Pro interfaces involving the taller display. I just don't have the time and talent to animate it into a high quality, finished 3D mockup. We can PM to discuss if you're interested in animating it. I can do some PS mockups to show you what I'm talking about, if you would like, and design a lot of the UI assets you would need to animate, along with helping with story boards and art direction for the video. I've spoken with MacRumors owner Arnold Kim a lot on Twitter in the past, and I briefly wrote for 9to5Mac (got burned out on it) and know Seth Weintraub, the owner over there. So if it turns out well we might be able to get it featured on some sites and it would be good promotion for both of us. Worst case it would be a fun side project and good portfolio piece. If you're too busy, that's fine too.
