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Long Distance Relationships...

ravenvii

ravenvii

macrumors 604
Original poster
Mar 17, 2004
7,588
494
Melenkurion Skyweir
Any of you in, or was in, a long distance relationship?

Do you have any experiences or tips on how to work a long distance relationship?

How much contact should you maintain?

If your partner has "long distance" flaws that are increasingly becoming intolerable for you (such as too little contact or too little sharing of personal life), that do not exist when the relationship was not long distance? How did you deal with that?

I'm on the verge of giving my girlfriend the boot because of the above. This makes me so mad/frustrated.

Any help? :(
 
if you feel like it isn't working, then it probably isn't. the only advice i'm going to give is that two people in a long distance relationship shouldn't always be talking to each other just to talk to each other. i don't like calling someone if i don't have anything in particular to say.
 
siurpeeman said:
the only advice i'm going to give is that two people in a long distance relationship shouldn't always be talking to each other just to talk to each other.
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That's very good advice. I was in a long distance relationship for several months and I know it can be difficult. I actually moved out here closer to her to keep things from going south.
 
Long distance relationships can be extremely tough, but also extremely rewarding. Just try not to take it personally if you grow apart...sometimes you've just gotta move on.

Video conferences are awesome for keeping in touch :)
 
My girlfriend and I are dating long distance. So far, I think it's OK, but of course I miss her waaaaay too much sometimes (like yesterday).

We use MSN video chat. It's great. It makes things easier. She started off not telling me much about what's happening in her life. She would tell me, but nothing specific at all. Then I spoke to her about it, and how difficult it is for me, as I always tell her everything, and she doesn't seem to tell me a lot. After that, she has been a very good girl. :)

Maybe this is what's happening? She's not used to this requirement to tell you so much more information, because maybe she's used to her boyfriend just knowing these things, since he's usually not too far away and can see what's going on with his own eyes. :)
 
how far apart are you two? i remember i "dated" a girl like 6 hours away from me and it was alright...lots of phone calls. sometimes a few hand written messages were fun to do. one day i just finally got sick of it for some reason and we broke up. kind of fun and not so fun at the same time...
 
I guess i am jumping in on this thread with interest. Met someone in an online group a couple months - we have really hit off so far. We have spent time in chat, email, and on phone calls.

I will be traveling to their city at the end of the month, sadly (perhaps) we will only have less than a day to spend together because of travel and prior engagements.

I am not trying to put the cart before the horse, but I do have hopes that things work out.

I like the idea of of video chat. We even have talked about some travel if things work out in our brief time together on my upcoming trip. So I guess my question is how do people deal with distance in a budding relationship - till the time comes for a move for one or both?
 
I'm in one now, Caroline's over at Staffordshire University and I've just graduated from Salford University. We've got the summer together which is always great, and she's only got 1 more year left.
It's easy once you know how, aint it! The first 6 months were a nightmare. Since we saw each other previously at college every single day.

Thing is she isn't too far away. Hour on the train. It's just so expensive that we only see each other every other weekend.

Webcams, snail mail, phone calls. All make it easier. Really does make every minute your with them that little bit more special.
 
I've tried 'em a couple of times and it has never worked out. The last one ended 'cause we knew we'd eventually live in the same city but trying to drag each other through a year of long distance torment would've just lead to jealousy and spite. It takes a special kind of relationship to last long distance and it can end pretty horribly if you overestimate yourselves. :eek:
 
It all depends on who you are and who she is, and it depends on how long the separation will last. You have to know yourself and be honest about who you are. Honestly, I couldn't do it for more than a few months. It wouldn't mean I stopped loving the girl, but a couple is only a couple if they're together.
 
Come September I will have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years. The first year together we were very close, about 5 mintues by car. Then we both went of to university, myself going to Sheffield and she went to Bath. This is about 4-5 hours away by car. We have had a long distance relationship during term times meaning we don't get to see each other between October-December then Janurary-April, April-June. In these times i may go and visit but it is usually once or twice per year. How do we cope, well we speak to each pretty much every day or two days. I text her lots during the day or send picture messages. Then there is the odd goofy email or cheap crappy present I buy from ebay. It really makees it a lot easier being able to spend the summers together. I've only one more year left and she has finished so she will be able to visit me more often. But after I finish we will be moving in together somewhere and hopefully that will be the end of the long distance thing.
 
I have done the long distance thing a few times, well three times with my now wife.

Don't feel obligated to call everyday. Not a whole lot happens so just sitting and listening to someone breathe on the other end makes it drag.

Do things that you wouldn't do if you two were together.

But main thing, you may need to sit down and have a "heart to heart". Tell her how you feel, you may not hear what you want, but at least you know what she is thinking.
 
Edandlindz28 said:
Don't feel obligated to call everyday. Not a whole lot happens so just sitting and listening to someone breathe on the other end makes it drag.
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I agree. My girlfriend and I only talk on the phone twice a week, and sometimes only once if one of us is busy. ;)

I love her, but if all I did was go to uni, do work, and come home, then there isn't that much to talk about. Instead of having a 5 minute chat every day like we did when we were together (which would be nice), we talk twice per week, and we end up chatting for an hour, sometimes more. Last night, we chatted for 90 minutes. :)

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want to talk with her every day, but when we were physically/geographically together (ie: we lived together), we did not sit down and chat for 90 minute every day. It's just not realistic. Usually, we just said short snippets and comments to each other, made comments and observations, etc. This is totally normal if you're physically together and live together. Spending quiet time together is another thing that couples do with their time. Since that can't be done long-distance, there's no point trying to compensate for this aspect of the relationship by forcing a daily conversation that you wouldn't have had if you weren't in a long-distance relationship!

So in my long distance relationship, the conversation aspect of my relationship still happens as frequently as it did when we were together. In fact, we may talk more since we didn't have two 60 minute conversations each week. Each week, we would have 5, 10, or maybe 15 conversations that took 5-60 minutes of our time each day, depending on what was happening in our lives. The only part of the relationship that I miss by being in a long-distance relationship is the physical stuff, like sitting in a room together while doing separate things, watching movies together, kisses, hugs, and doing the giggidy-giggidy.
 
Can be TOUGH.

10,000 mile relationship ...
... uncertain and irregular travel; stolen weekends; misunderstandings.

But when it works well it can be GREAT!
 
Long Distance Relationships

great when your together

crap when apart with little or no contact apart from email
and ichat now and then

but honesty and trust a very big thing

and yes you have to learn to tell the other person all the little things that happen daily its a hard lesson
 
Long distance relationships are easy if both of you trust each other. My girlfriend (now wife) had to spend a year in Northwestern Uni (near Chicago, for those who don't know) and I was in Wales.
No email or iChat back then. Very few phone calls, maybe 2-3 a month. But wrote a lot of letters.
In 10 months I saw her for 5 weeks. 2 weeks around my birthday, a week at christmas and 2 weeks around her birthday.
 
My (now) wife and I dated long-distance for 3 years. We talked at least once a day to discuss whatever was happening so we were both informed about what the other was up to, but if we didn't have much to talk about or we were both really busy, we'd talk for less time. We'd always check in, though.

My take no long distance relationships is that if it's a relationship worth keeping, this kind of stuff will work itself out. My wife and I knew that we'd eventually get married, so minor scuffles caused by long-distance frustrations would ultimately slide.

If habits like not talking or not communicating (yes, the two are different) are just getting worse and worse, you need to talk your girlfriend/boyfriend about it. It's possible they're unaware of the problem...if it continues to worsen after you've talked about it, perhaps it's Time.
 
The trick to LDR is finding new ways to share some of the same things you used to. For example: if you're in the same time zone, watch a favorite show together while on the phone. Make comments, laugh, etc just as you would if you were together. If you're too far apart, rent the same movie and talk on the phone while you watch it.

Its not easy to do. It takes a lot of patience and flexibility, and some people just don't have it oar arent' at a point in their lives where they want to be patient and flexible.
 
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