Joe Yuppie lived a happy life until he found out that his ex-girlfriend was a member of an elite black-ops sector of the CIA. When he phoned her for a booty call aboard his yacht, she agreed. Unbeknownst to her, she had been followed by a group of Romanian spies who were trying to steal a top-secret technology: an implantable chip that allows you to play video games inside your brain, effectively letting anyone pretend to pay attention while actually trying to get Mario to the next level.
Joe had failed to satisfy his spy-ex Sadie by the time the Romanians showed up. Sadie had to knock out the Romanians whilst wearing sluttly red-lingerie while Joe watched in awe. When Joe told Sadie how much he had enjoyed the cat-fight, she slapped him because he was being inappropriate. They then rehashed all the fights they had had while they were together, and Sadie stormed away.
The next day, CIA operatives knocked on Joe's door and informed him that he had been seen by some really bad Romanian mafia dude, and that he would have to go into the witness protection program. "Don't worry," the operative said, "Sadie made a request for how to take care of you, you'll be just fine."
Six months later, Joe is now working at the Domingez Brother's Garage under the alias Carlos. At first he felt the position to be beneath him, but after repeated government brainwashings he's never felt better.
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