This morning, my mom and I were (jokingly! Don't panic!) brainstorming about what things would be like if Steve Jobs were running for President.
On the negative side, though we can expect his public policy to be generally progressive, his style of governance would likely continue (or even expand) some of Bush's unfortunate contributions: the atmosphere demanding complete loyalty, the use of other branches of government essentially as rubber stamps, and, needless to say, the massive culture of secrecy. And the gratuitous lying to protect all of the aforementioned from scrutiny. And perhaps the inflexibility when dealing with other countries (analogous to Apple in dealing with other companies, whether competitors or partners or both), but at least Steve would probably be less violent in any confrontations that may arise. Maybe.
Any other thoughts on what he'd do as President or as a candidate?
- He'd easily win. Debates would be no contest. Even media types who are veterans at dealing with highly-polished, well-prepared politicians would stand no chance against the Reality Distortion Field! (Doesn't even matter what his platform is. Just like in normal presidential debates.)
- The White House is already the right colour, but it's not shiny enough. Steve would have to change that.
- Vice President Phil Schiller? Jonathan Ive?
- Famous Apple ad campaigns recapped as campaign ads?
- 1984, of course.
- Think Different.
- Steamroller and Toasted Bunnies, once things start heating up...
- Switch (parties).
- "Hi, I'm a Democrat..." "...and I'm a Republican."
- Lemmings? ...Nah.
- I imagine he likes the idea of touch-screen voting machines.
- He'd take certain government bureaucracies and reform the hell out of them. The IRS would be replaced with a single, elegant, easy-to-use web form. And you'd be able to pay via your iTunes Store account. (Taxes would be a bit higher, but the total cost of living in the US would go down.) It'll be so enticingly designed, kids will be squealing in anticipation of turning 18 and making their first tax payment.
- National security strategy: Buy out Al-Qaeda, fire everyone, and sell off all of their assets!
- Major speeches (nomination acceptance, inauguration, etc.) would be given Macworld keynote-style. If he can push Congress in this direction too, C-SPAN ratings would go through the roof.
- Similarly, Steve would popularize the turtleneck-and-jeans look for politicians. And it'd be about damn time. I'm getting pretty sick of suits, and the suits who wear them.
- Legislation shall henceforth be written not in English, but in Objective-C. (Finally, the "US Code" will live up to its name in ways other than being cryptic!)
- The Great Seal of the US is too complicated and old-timey, like the original Apple logo. He'd fix that up.
- Among other things to be redesigned: Most government websites, many government buildings, passports, Social Security cards (actually, let's just replace SSNs with Apple IDs), weapons and other military supplies, currency, interstate highway signs, and the original Declaration of Independence.
- Apparently, the desk in the White House is already fitted with only one Button, so that won't have to be changed. Steve might have a Ctrl key or a Mighty Mouse installed, though, in case he needs to select some extra options before launching an emergency nuclear strike.
- Naturally, he'd switch most of the government over to Macs, and maybe the occasional Dell running OPENSTEP 4.2.
- He'd probably move to amend the Constitution to eliminate term limits, but as a gesture of goodwill, he'd stop short of demanding an amendment to declare him supreme dictator-for-life, instead comfortably relying on the RDF to get himself reelected as many times as he wants.
- The new term for "bi-partisan" would be "cross-platform". And there wouldn't be much of it.
- Steve is widely thought to be vegan, but I hear he's actually only a pesco-vegetarian (will eat fish but no other meat). The honour of being (extremely hypothetically) our first vegan President remains with Dennis Kucinich.
- His being half-Arab might help with our standing in the Middle East, as long as he can tone down his demands to be worshipped.
- Things wouldn't look good for the White House's fabled Icon Garden.
- Ellen Feiss stars in Drug Enforcement Administration ads.
On the negative side, though we can expect his public policy to be generally progressive, his style of governance would likely continue (or even expand) some of Bush's unfortunate contributions: the atmosphere demanding complete loyalty, the use of other branches of government essentially as rubber stamps, and, needless to say, the massive culture of secrecy. And the gratuitous lying to protect all of the aforementioned from scrutiny. And perhaps the inflexibility when dealing with other countries (analogous to Apple in dealing with other companies, whether competitors or partners or both), but at least Steve would probably be less violent in any confrontations that may arise. Maybe.
Any other thoughts on what he'd do as President or as a candidate?