Oh man, look at this craigslist ad from my area:
Dear Mother ****er Who Broke Into My House And Took My Brand New iPad(serial number ending in UZ39),
While you were sneaking around Saugerties N.Y. getting ready to rob my house I was out at an interview(Not that you would know anything about what thats like). In case you were wondering I got that for my birthday on the 1st of July, and my family all pitched in to get it so i'm sure you can get a pretty penny for it seeing that its basically new. Personally I think your a douche bag and you should return it as anonymously as you possibly can, but in the event that you don't want to, or have already sold it, I would like you to know that I'm going to find you. I have already filed a police report, told everyone in my neighborhood, and mentioned it on facebook. It's only a matter of time before I have successfully approached all methods of advertising and you can't even use it anymore. Of all of the things in the apartment you took the iPad. Why
did you skip over the Macbook that was sitting right in front of you? Although a person who lacks the obedience to abide by simple moral rules shouldn't be expected to demonstrate anything but futility. Seeing that you are a complete moron I have attached a picture of my empty iPad shelf in case you forgot where to you took it from. Your ignorance and envy have cause a lot of pain, heartache, and taxpayers money and I hope the cops find you and my iPad before I do. Thanks for the time *******.
-**** You!
Dear Person Who Bought My iPad Off The Mother ****er Who Broke Into My House And Stole It,
Hey! If you were sold an iPad with the last 4 of the serial number as UZ39 youshould contact me and we can find out if you got my iPad. If you have some method of finding the person who sold it to you and you contact me via the information below. Even if you cant get in contact with them I will have the police finger print dust the **** out of it until they get the right one. I will guarantee you get it back(at no additional cost) after I sue the **** out of him for everything I possibly can. If you want it in writing I can make that happen. This guy is a low life, the scum of the Earth, and you shouldn't want him on the streets for fear of your life. Lets work together to get this bastard(and new iPads) and give him whats coming to him. I appreciate yourtime and I hope to hear from you soon.
-Marc
Phone: 845-392-3383 (24/7)
Text: 845-392-3383 (24/7)
Email:
Mail@envyzage.com(24/7)