Valentine's Day Poem - Help?!

[Buschmaster]

This is what I wrote for my girlfriend just now, any ideas on improving it? I want it to be the best for her.

-------------------
No matter how bad it gets
And now matter how far down
You've always been the best
To turn my mood around

With a girl so pretty and nice
I couldn't smile more
You think I'd pay the price
But loving you's know chore

Knowing the hugs are free
It's hard to put down in words
But as long as you love me
I know it could always be worse

Everynight to fall asleep
I crawl into my bed
And I try to count the sheep
But you just don't leave my head

In the light or in the dark
Beautiful all the time
All the times at Lion's Park
I feel complete sublime

So on this Valentine's Day
Know that I love you
And know I want you to stay
Right here in my view

The very end I wanted to work in my arms in, or something like that, but couldn't find a way... need more Dew maybe

 

[iSaint]

This is what I wrote for my girlfriend just now, any ideas on improving it? I want it to be the best for her.

-------------------
No matter how bad it gets
And now matter how far down
You've always been the best
To turn my mood around

With a girl so pretty and nice
I couldn't smile more
You think I'd pay the price
But loving you's know (you is no)chore

Knowing the hugs are free
It's hard to put down in words
But as long as you love me
I know it could always be worse

Everynight to fall asleep
I crawl into my bed
And I try to count the sheep
But you just don't leave my head

In the light or in the dark
Beautiful all the time
All the times at Lion's Park
I feel complete sublime

So on this Valentine's Day
Know that I love you
And know I want you to stay
Right here in my view

The very end I wanted to work in my arms in, or something like that, but couldn't find a way... need more Dew maybe

Dude, if you wrote it, it's fine! Not many guys will take the leap of poetry. She'll love it.

(just fixed a grammatical error, if that's ok)

 

[Buschmaster]

Hey, it's poetry, grammar doesn't matter to me

Thanks for the compliment, though. She told me it was the best gift she ever got. She also mentioned that she cried, I'm amazing, she loves me, I never cease to amaze her, and yeah, these are all quotes!

 

[Qoxiivi]

I sent a girlfriend of mine this once along with a bunch of flowers.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I know this because I used to hide in the bushes outside your house and stalk
YOU!

We're not going out anymore.

Anyway, with regards to your poem, I have made some small changes:

No matter how bad it gets
And now matter how far down
You've always been the best
To turn my mood around

With a girl so pretty and nice
I couldn't smile more
You think I'd pay the price
But loving you is no chore

Knowing the hugs are free
It's hard to put down in words
But as long as you love me
I know it could always be worse

Everynight to fall asleep
I crawl into my bed
And I try to count the sheep
But you just don't leave my head

In the light or in the dark
Beautiful all the time
All the times at Lion's Park
I feel completely sublime

So on this Valentine's Day
Know that I love you
In my arms I hope you will stay
And be always here in my view

 

[Kwyjibo]

A great trick ... take a song that you like or know thats romantic but not very popular ... then translate it into a language you can speak but she doesn't know ... and read it to her ... she'll find it ultra romantic if its french for example.

 

[thedude110]

Louis Zukofsky would write Valentines poems for his wife Celia every year. He's one of my favorite poets, and this is one of my favorite poems ...


A Valentine

This
is
not
more
snow
to
fall

but
a
gust
of
the
softest --
bending

down
the
wood
of
gardens'
branches
into

a
girls
and
boys
pastoral,
old

years
not
to
wink
looks,
middle

life
to
chase,
it's
musical

 

[FFTT]

As Soon As I Close My Eyes

As Soon As I Close My Eyes
I Feel As Though You're With Me
Feel The Way You Kiss Me
And Hold You Through The Night

As Soon As I Close My Eyes
There Is No Longer Distance
Between Us No Resistance
As One We Are That Way

Please Baby Don't Go Away
Just For Once
Why Can't You Stay
I Need You
Here With Me
More Than You Could Know

In The Night I Come To You
Know You Feel It
When I Do
Hold Me There
In You're Heart Girl
When You're All Alone

Never Hurts To Dream
That One Day We're Together
The Way We Are Together
When You're There With Me

As Soon As I Close My Eyes
As Soon As I Close My Eyes

As Your Lover
And Your Friend
I'll Be With You Till The End
Holding You
When You Need Me
Through The Morning Light.

Never Hurts To Dream....

 

[ibook30]

A very from the heart gift.

Nice. Good luck - and happy Valentines day.

I looked for a sampler poem from some of my favorite poets, and sadly, none do anything romantic (appropriate)- fer example, Sergei Yesenin :

Life - a lie with charming sadness
That is where lies her strength
And with her rought hand,
She writes the word of fate.

Always, when I close my eyes,
I say, "Touch your heart and see,
Life - a lie, but even She sometimes
Adorns a lie with joys.

Turn your face to greying sky,
Telling fortune by the moon,
Calm, mortal, and do not ask
The truth you do not need."