I don't get it. Why can't I just hold Option like I used to?
Now I can't even hit restart, no, I need to hold down the power button until it shuts off, hold it down until it turns back on again, keep holding it forever, until finally it gives me the menu. Then of course we can't just be done, need to let it restart *again*.
Why does this need to be so labourous? Surely Apple of all places would be encountering this the most often, since I'd assume they're constantly testing on different versions.
This answer may or may not satisfy you, but it wasn't an arbitrary choice. Apple gave up on implementing certain features directly in firmware in order to improve overall boot security.
Intel Macs used UEFI to boot. UEFI is a firmware standard that Intel invented to replace the ancient PC BIOS. UEFI is essentially a mini operating system, complete with network, graphics, and file system drivers. You can easily write significant amounts of user interface in the UEFI environment, and that's what Apple did when they were using Intel processors - when you pressed the 'option' key, that was running a UEFI boot picker application which Apple bundled into the Mac's UEFI firmware image.
Unfortunately, UEFI suffers from a number of flaws from a security perspective. One of the biggest is simply that it is so sophisticated and complicated. If you exclude drivers from each project, it's literally about as many lines of source code as the Linux kernel. Complex software is always more likely to contain bugs than simple software. This is relevant to security because every undiscovered, unpatched bug is potentially exploitable as a security flaw.
When Apple started building Apple Silicon for iPhones, they came up with their own secure boot design. In order to minimize the chance of bugs, their design is extremely minimalist - they cut out literally every feature not absolutely required to make the machine function at all. Apple Silicon firmware is kinda like a fixed-gear bike: brutally simple and uncompromising.
For Apple Silicon Macs, they retained the essence of the iPhone secure boot design but added just enough to enable Mac features. However, they prioritized security over convenience. Your complaint is an example of this philosophy in action. Everything that requires a UI, such as the boot picker, is now a macOS application which runs after booting recoveryOS, a cut-down hidden macOS installation which lives side by side with your main macOS installation. This lets the pre-macOS boot firmware still be extremely minimal. The only UI it has is detecting whether you used the power button in the special way to tell it to boot into recoveryOS rather than the current blessed macOS installation.