How does it "... run off the battery just fine ..." if it won't boot, and does not turn on the display?
Have you tried different RAM?
Have you tried removing the hard drive, then booting to another system on an external drive?
Can you see anything on the screen if you try to boot to Safe Boot mode? (Boot holding the Shift key)
Do you get any text on the screen if you boot to single-user mode? (Boot with Command+r)
It runs off the battery just fine because it draws power from it without issue. The battery isn't the problem.
I only have 2 RAM sticks and they are the ones that came with the machine, but I've tried only leaving one in there, and I've tried swapping their positions, still nothing.
I have tried booting messing with the boot disk too, I even put it in another MacBook Pro to make sure it still worked as an internal drive.
I don't get anything on the screen period, in any way, through any means I've tried so far. that includes but are not limited to Single user mode, the boot picker, normal booting, safe mode, inserting an install disc in the ODD (which it held in there but eventually came out), recovery mode, I've tried almost everything.
The select few times I was actually able to get something on the screen and get a boot chime, was when I completely deprived the machine of power, which generally meant leaving it trying to boot until the battery ran out, and then waiting like an hour after that before plugging it in, and right after plugging it in, I would gold Command-R as to bring up recovery mode (theoretically), and I eventually heard the chime and it actually booted into recovery mode. The reason I didn't reinstall MacOS from there that INSTANT was because there was no internet access period. WIFI didn't appear to work properly, it said it was on but it wouldn't give me a list of networks and manually typing in my SSID and crap didn't do anything either, and Ethernet didn't work at all.
Right after this, I went into the boot picker within recovery mode, and I couldn't make it boot from anything. Pressing enter, double clicking, nothing did anything. I can't remember how I did this but I opened a log, and it said "Couldn't bless current disk" or "Couldn't change boot disk" or something along those lines.
Yes, I've also tried different disks. 3 of them, 2 HDDs, and an SSD. None of them appeared to do anything different.
The next day I would try simply taking out the battery instead of waiting hours before I could attempt to do this again, and that's when I ended up getting the 5-6 light flashes. I'm saying 6 because it looks more like 6 flashes, but there's absolutely NO info about this anywhere that I could find, so it has to be actually only 5 flashes.. right?
Shortly after that, maybe like a week later, I had the idea to use that strategy again but instead I would use a USB flash drive with the installer locally on it as to not require an internet connection (Yes I realize now this wouldn't have worked anyway but I was... desperate?). So, I tried the energy deprevation strategy, and it didn't work this time, or any other subsequent time, no matter what I did.