Well, I got it working, but it wasn't pretty. I'll describe what I did in case it sheds any light on what went wrong.
As I understand it, every model of digital monitor has a hardware id (7 characters) with an EDID (128 bytes), which is communicated to the OS when the cable is plugged in. The EDID provides enough information about resolutions and timings that the OS can immediately make use of the new monitor with no driver required.
In the case of the Apple Pro Display XDR, its hardware id is APPAE2E. My PC's normal Dell is DEL40B6, etc. All these should be communicated as soon as the cable is plugged in.
This is where the rabbit hole starts: when the Pro Display was plugged in, it wasn't being identified as APPAE2E and the appropriate EDID was not sent. Instead, it was identified as NVD0000, which seems to be some sort of generic nVidia identifier that specifies 640x480 as its only display mode.
So, I had to get the Pro Display's EDID manually into Windows. My first thought was to go to Boot Camp on a Mac Pro, which I started doing, but then had an instinct that maybe it was the nVidia card playing tricks. Instead, I plugged the Pro Display into the PC's motherboard integrated graphics DisplayPort.
Perfect. Plug n Play working exactly as it should. Windows identified the Pro Display immediately and offered all resolutions (which maxed out at 3840x2160 on the Intel 630 integrated graphics).
Back on the nVidia 1080 Ti, it was same as before, (un)identified as NVD0000, but at least Monitor Asset Manager showed the real EDID had been stored in the Registry.
(Side tunnel of the rabbit hole #1: Monitor Asset Manager offers a save .INF option which effectively lets a user install an EDID for that monitor. Except, if attempted, Windows 10 shows a “The third-party INF does not contain digital signature information.” error and won't continue. Now, there are at least 10 solutions on the web on claiming to get around this. 5 of them have the same command line misprint: bcdedit /set loadoptions DDISABLE_INTEGRITY_CHECKS. 1 of them actually works. It didn't solve the problem though.)
(Side tunnel of the rabbit hole #2: it's unpleasant to futz around on Windows using a bad resolution so at some point I entered the correct values for the Pro Display's 4K one. The nVidia Control Panel allows custom resolutions to be created, except you need to know the timings, which are of course contained in the EDID. So, a simple viewer to extract Front Porch etc timings from the EDID should be available, right? A search turned up 5. One refused to install without .NET 2.0 installed (and only that version). One was dead linked. One gave strong indications it was malware infested. One required forum registration. One actually worked, so my thanks to AW EDID Editor which spat out the right numbers and created a sharp resolution.)
Nothing I seemed to do could get the Pro Display to be identified as anything other than NVD0000, so my last resort was to use Registry Editor to manually copy the EDID data from the real APPAE2E entry over to this useless generic entry that seemed bound to the Pro Display when it was plugged into the 1080 Ti.
This unsightly foolish hack actually sort of worked. Monitor Asset Manager showed the active EDID was now the Pro Display's.
Finally I had a working Pro Display plugged into my 1080 Ti, correctly identified and showing all resolutions. The 1080 Ti maxes out at 5K (which is fine for me, since I just wanted 4K to see what it would be like for gaming).
I wasted a lot of time and feel very stupid for not knowing why the Pro Display didn't pass through its EDID when connected to the 1080 Ti, but did when connected to the motherboard's integrated graphics.
Any hints?