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content filtering for a 14 y.o.
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L
Lau
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Reminds me slightly of my time spent "doing homework" which meant having a novel tucked inside my maths textbook or an elaborate drawing tucked under my notepad so when my mum looked in I'd be all innocent. 
Same theory, different technology.*
Is the computer in your daughter's room or is it downstairs?
*This makes me sound 85, but I'm not, I promise. But homework never needed a computer then and the computer was downstairs anyway.
Same theory, different technology.*Is the computer in your daughter's room or is it downstairs?
*This makes me sound 85, but I'm not, I promise. But homework never needed a computer then and the computer was downstairs anyway.
Same here... except I wasn't [not] doing homework. I was [not] listening to the teacher lecture.Lau said:
Still got A's
Alright, alright, let's not highjack the thread braggin about our grades, I'm sure we all got A's while working 40 hours a week and playing 20 sports.
I'd recommend setting up a separate account and limiting what programs can be used for chat. The Java chat applications is a tough one though. Perhaps you can set up time limits to when the account can access chat programs.
It's tough to totally block it, cause even though I'm 25 now, I always found a way around barriers when I was a teenager.
I'd recommend setting up a separate account and limiting what programs can be used for chat. The Java chat applications is a tough one though. Perhaps you can set up time limits to when the account can access chat programs.
It's tough to totally block it, cause even though I'm 25 now, I always found a way around barriers when I was a teenager.
Teenagers aren't prone to listen to their parents all the time. It's just how we are No one is perfect all the time. I suggest the sneak attack too- at the least it keeps your kid thinking about what they're doing first.
No one is perfect all the time. I suggest the sneak attack too- at the least it keeps your kid thinking about what they're doing first.
L
Lau
Guest
Sorry, I am actually going to be one of those old ladies that can't help tell stories that are only vaguely relevant to the subject in hand.
That was kind of my point really, in that although I didn't have a computer for stuff like that (and no-one had I knew had heard of the internet in 1994, so chat and surfing wasn't a thing) I still did the equivalent thing, as teenagers in the 80s, 70s and 60s did. So that was kind of the reason I also asked the OP whether the computer is in her room or whether it's downstairs - if it's downstairs she has you walking in and out that might be a deterrent. The different accounts might be a good option in this case - she can only use the 'hobbled' account until she's finished her homework, and you know the password for her 'proper' account.
GimmeSlack12 said:
That was kind of my point really, in that although I didn't have a computer for stuff like that (and no-one had I knew had heard of the internet in 1994, so chat and surfing wasn't a thing) I still did the equivalent thing, as teenagers in the 80s, 70s and 60s did. So that was kind of the reason I also asked the OP whether the computer is in her room or whether it's downstairs - if it's downstairs she has you walking in and out that might be a deterrent. The different accounts might be a good option in this case - she can only use the 'hobbled' account until she's finished her homework, and you know the password for her 'proper' account.
Do you have a router?, if so you should check in there for some access restriction options. My router, a linksys WRT54G has options to deny internet access at certain times of the day and also allows you to block ports including the one for IM. Then just keep the router somewhere locked up and theres no way she can change that.
I would have to agree here. My sister's grades went up when her iBook cooked its logic board... so I would suggest something similar (minus the hefty repair!GimmeSlack12 said:
)When I was a teen, my dad used a built-in lock to turn off the keyboard and mouse of my first computer (a no-name 386 SX 40MHz machine ).
At the time, pretty much every computer sold came with this kind of lock - I think, some PCs still do.
I have learned to pick this lock with a paper clip almost immediately
His countermeasure was a supervisor password on the BIOS.
Unfortunately for him, I have found the password written down on some piece of paper in his office, and got in. When he learned about my breakthrough, he has changed the password...
To teach him a lesson, I have written a program in Pascal that was able to nuke all the BIOS settings to defaults (I still keep the source, but it does not work on most newer PCs - pity). When he logged on into the machine once, I have ran the program, and set the password of my choosing.
Boy, was he pissed at me He needed the machine that day to make some adjustment to his PhD thesis, I think...
Since then we just had a jentleman's agreement between us. I would not spend too much time on useless stuff, and he would never attempt to lock me out.
Everyone was happy ever since.
Maybe you don't want to lock the machine up, after all?
).At the time, pretty much every computer sold came with this kind of lock - I think, some PCs still do.
I have learned to pick this lock with a paper clip almost immediately
His countermeasure was a supervisor password on the BIOS.
Unfortunately for him, I have found the password written down on some piece of paper in his office, and got in. When he learned about my breakthrough, he has changed the password...
To teach him a lesson, I have written a program in Pascal that was able to nuke all the BIOS settings to defaults (I still keep the source, but it does not work on most newer PCs - pity
). When he logged on into the machine once, I have ran the program, and set the password of my choosing.Boy, was he pissed at me
He needed the machine that day to make some adjustment to his PhD thesis, I think...Since then we just had a jentleman's agreement between us. I would not spend too much time on useless stuff, and he would never attempt to lock me out.
Everyone was happy ever since.
Maybe you don't want to lock the machine up, after all?
ok, here's what I have done thus far:
1. the iBook in her room no longer has access to the Airport. that was easy enough.
2. iChat is now disabled for her account.
3. Netscape Navigator is now off the applications list - no easy access to AIM that way.
now we'll see what she does to work around...
how about any other potential software timers that lock her out after a set time?
now to go off-topic with the "try parenting" crowd. I apologize in advance if this sounds churlish...
this is a teenager. no matter what you tell her, no matter how you try to get your message across, no matter what kind of gentle tactics or reverse psychology you take/try, she does NOT listen. she KNOWS her grades this term are crap, and she KNOWS (and acknowledges!) her excessive usage of chat is more than partly to blame. I'm sure some of you who've made such comments know what I mean, and I understand where you are coming from...BUT, she does NOT heed this any more than she heeds the oft-repeated request since she was two years old to not walk around the house eating food and leaving a trail of crumbs. I asked for suggestions regarding internet limiting software, NOT criticism about my situation which you know nothing about, nor did I ask for parenting advice.
now, back on topic...
1. the iBook in her room no longer has access to the Airport. that was easy enough.
2. iChat is now disabled for her account.
3. Netscape Navigator is now off the applications list - no easy access to AIM that way.
now we'll see what she does to work around...
how about any other potential software timers that lock her out after a set time?
now to go off-topic with the "try parenting" crowd. I apologize in advance if this sounds churlish...
this is a teenager. no matter what you tell her, no matter how you try to get your message across, no matter what kind of gentle tactics or reverse psychology you take/try, she does NOT listen. she KNOWS her grades this term are crap, and she KNOWS (and acknowledges!) her excessive usage of chat is more than partly to blame. I'm sure some of you who've made such comments know what I mean, and I understand where you are coming from...BUT, she does NOT heed this any more than she heeds the oft-repeated request since she was two years old to not walk around the house eating food and leaving a trail of crumbs. I asked for suggestions regarding internet limiting software, NOT criticism about my situation which you know nothing about, nor did I ask for parenting advice.
now, back on topic...
Ignore the people telling you how to parent, there are always a few of them that end up in a thread like this.
She is still using Netscape Navigator? Or is that a generic term for her internet browser? Didn't think that thing was around anymore.
She is still using Netscape Navigator? Or is that a generic term for her internet browser? Didn't think that thing was around anymore.
macs4usall said:
The simplest solution I can think of is simple finder mode; disable Java and block the iChat ports, put a password account on the computer but enable a second account set in Simple Finder mode, where you can choose what programs she is allowed to use and she can't change the system preferences.
GimmeSlack12 said:
Netscape is still out there, and is still under periodic update. it is owned by AOL/Time Warner. Netscape is the basis for the AOL browser. that's one of the reasons I had to shut it down; it has a direct link to AIM using javachat.
GimmeSlack12 said:
Those people are trying to legitimately point out that any software solution is nothing other than totally useless.
No matter what restrictions you place on the computer, there are ways around it, unless you unplug it from the wall. You cannot win this fight, it will descend into a battle of attrition.
And what's worse, she'll spend more time looking for (and finding) ways around your software - time that she should be spending on work.
It's a loose loose situation. Do nothing - she spends time chatting, gets bad grades. Do something - she takes time to circumvent your solution, spends time chatting, gets worse grades, and the constant battle drives a wedge between the two of you.
You go talk to your daughter about it, that's what you do. Even if she won't listen. (Having been the rebellious teenager, and one that obsessively spent all her free time on IRC...) Why?
Because you should teach her what to do and what not to do on Myspace, instead of blocking it. You can block iChat/Adium/Proteus/Fire/AIM/Mercury Messenger/aMSN.... all you want, even aim express and meebo, and she'll still be able to figure out a way to get past that, especially considering how you could probably do a google search for such chat clients, write your own, things like that. It's not just Java. Meebo's using ajax - no java. She can use proxies to do whatever she wants. Google cache to view websites you blocked. I mean the list goes on. There are a billion ways to get around these limitations.
It does not take a genius to realize admin passwords can be reset with an OS X disk, or that blocked websites can be viewed in other ways.
So give up on the blocking and show your daughter how to act appropriately. Also, don't be like a lot of parents and start screaming your head off and automatically write off everyone online as being a sexual predator. The internet when used appropriately can be a very, very useful tool.
If somehow you think she'll do what you want after you block her off like that, you're very wrong. Nothing stops her from going on AIM/myspace from school or at a friend's house, or random wifi networks in the area.
Also, don't be too harsh. My parents were annoyed I spent so much time on the computer when I was littler (like, your daughter's age), but I'm a CS major now in college, spectacular grades, get complimented by everyone for my work and I enjoy what I'm doing right now. And surely enough, spending all that time doing seemingly useless things was part of the reason why (the seemingly useless things included lots of slashdot reading and such though...)
And on a final note about homework never needing a computer: not true. Maybe 5, 10 years ago that was the case, but nowadays one needs access to a computer, especially the higher up you go. In my case, I know I've been required to have access to one since maybe, 6th grade english class like 5 years ago. You just NEED to get things typed, seriously. Last HS english classes I took forced us to submit our papers online to turnitin.com... Papers needed to be typed, and only in rare cases handwritten papers were allowed (usually because this meant the person couldn't procrastinate and write the paper an hour before class...also because the paper could be checked online for plagiarism, which is all the rage now...if it was handwritten we were also required to submit it online, otherwise major points off..)
Tis also the case in my college math and science classes - a lot of our stuff is done on webassign/webct/blackboard whatever. Needless to say my CS classes sometimes require visual studio .net as well.
Edit: Facebook is actually miles better than Myspace et al considering how you NEED to have a working college email address to join (not talking about the HS one, even though they sorta work together now), and the security limitations on Facebook force you to consider who you display info to, and how much of it to show so it's less of a freeforall compared to places like myspace and xanga and lj. But what comes first is knowing what to say and what not to say, and that's a valuable skill that can be used everywhere.
Second edit: Blocking ports is useless, it's extremely easy to change in apps that are dependent on port numbers (bittorrent and p2p stuff), and usually all data from aim express and websites like that get routed through port 80, which happens to be the port for http stuff, which if you block, you can't use a large chunk of the internet. Also, some sites depend on non-standard ports, or the alternate port 8080 for traffic, sometimes legitimately, so going around doing that isn't great.
Jeez, third edit: The best is to have a good relationship with your daughter regardless of how she acts. Distancing yourself from her by placing such restrictions results in a more distant relationship which is disastrous if she does something she would have normally told you about but didn't because she was pissed off at you, and that something has severe consequences. Also, it tends to be less stressful and more enjoyable when everyone communicates with each other. I've noticed this dramatically late last year, my parents and my relationship became a friendship (in the good way) and less of a annoying parent/rebellious pissed off teenager thing going on, and all the stuff involved becomes better for everyone (more freedoms, less worrying, more open about things). Treating her thusly will only lead to more rebellion.
I really wish I could delve more deeply into developmental psychology, but alas I'm only in intro psych. but the one most valuable thing I've learned is that the (oft cultural/social) perception of a infant/child/teen/adult mind tends to be different from what's actually going on, so don't go yellin when it's inappropriate (i.e. punishing a child for not being able to control him/herself...considering how the area of the brain responsible for impulse control doesn't fully develop until the late teens..)
Because you should teach her what to do and what not to do on Myspace, instead of blocking it. You can block iChat/Adium/Proteus/Fire/AIM/Mercury Messenger/aMSN.... all you want, even aim express and meebo, and she'll still be able to figure out a way to get past that, especially considering how you could probably do a google search for such chat clients, write your own, things like that. It's not just Java. Meebo's using ajax - no java. She can use proxies to do whatever she wants. Google cache to view websites you blocked. I mean the list goes on. There are a billion ways to get around these limitations.
It does not take a genius to realize admin passwords can be reset with an OS X disk, or that blocked websites can be viewed in other ways.
So give up on the blocking and show your daughter how to act appropriately. Also, don't be like a lot of parents and start screaming your head off and automatically write off everyone online as being a sexual predator. The internet when used appropriately can be a very, very useful tool.
If somehow you think she'll do what you want after you block her off like that, you're very wrong. Nothing stops her from going on AIM/myspace from school or at a friend's house, or random wifi networks in the area.
Also, don't be too harsh. My parents were annoyed I spent so much time on the computer when I was littler (like, your daughter's age), but I'm a CS major now in college, spectacular grades, get complimented by everyone for my work and I enjoy what I'm doing right now. And surely enough, spending all that time doing seemingly useless things was part of the reason why
(the seemingly useless things included lots of slashdot reading and such though...)And on a final note about homework never needing a computer: not true. Maybe 5, 10 years ago that was the case, but nowadays one needs access to a computer, especially the higher up you go. In my case, I know I've been required to have access to one since maybe, 6th grade english class like 5 years ago. You just NEED to get things typed, seriously. Last HS english classes I took forced us to submit our papers online to turnitin.com... Papers needed to be typed, and only in rare cases handwritten papers were allowed (usually because this meant the person couldn't procrastinate and write the paper an hour before class...also because the paper could be checked online for plagiarism, which is all the rage now...if it was handwritten we were also required to submit it online, otherwise major points off..)
Tis also the case in my college math and science classes - a lot of our stuff is done on webassign/webct/blackboard whatever. Needless to say my CS classes sometimes require visual studio .net as well.
Edit: Facebook is actually miles better than Myspace et al considering how you NEED to have a working college email address to join (not talking about the HS one, even though they sorta work together now), and the security limitations on Facebook force you to consider who you display info to, and how much of it to show so it's less of a freeforall compared to places like myspace and xanga and lj. But what comes first is knowing what to say and what not to say, and that's a valuable skill that can be used everywhere.
Second edit: Blocking ports is useless, it's extremely easy to change in apps that are dependent on port numbers (bittorrent and p2p stuff), and usually all data from aim express and websites like that get routed through port 80, which happens to be the port for http stuff, which if you block, you can't use a large chunk of the internet. Also, some sites depend on non-standard ports, or the alternate port 8080 for traffic, sometimes legitimately, so going around doing that isn't great.
Jeez, third edit: The best is to have a good relationship with your daughter regardless of how she acts. Distancing yourself from her by placing such restrictions results in a more distant relationship which is disastrous if she does something she would have normally told you about but didn't because she was pissed off at you, and that something has severe consequences. Also, it tends to be less stressful and more enjoyable when everyone communicates with each other. I've noticed this dramatically late last year, my parents and my relationship became a friendship (in the good way) and less of a annoying parent/rebellious pissed off teenager thing going on, and all the stuff involved becomes better for everyone (more freedoms, less worrying, more open about things). Treating her thusly will only lead to more rebellion.
I really wish I could delve more deeply into developmental psychology, but alas I'm only in intro psych. but the one most valuable thing I've learned is that the (oft cultural/social) perception of a infant/child/teen/adult mind tends to be different from what's actually going on, so don't go yellin when it's inappropriate (i.e. punishing a child for not being able to control him/herself...considering how the area of the brain responsible for impulse control doesn't fully develop until the late teens..)
BumperCar
There seems to be a lot of good advice here. If I were you-- and I acknowledge that I am not-- I'd pay attention to it all. In the end, though, only you know your daughter. (On a side note, I wonder how many of the people advising you on parenting are actually parents. I'm just curious. And I'm not suggesting that non-parents can't give parenting advice. Not at all. Just curious. Being a parent myself, I can truly understand the frustration. It is, unfortunately, one of the downsides of this great role.)
Well, to get to your original question, I'd give BumperCar a try. It got a "Best of Show" award a few years back at MacWorld. I don't know if it's aimed at that particular age group or not but it's worth checking out the site and trying the demo.
Hope this helps.
-Squire
There seems to be a lot of good advice here. If I were you-- and I acknowledge that I am not-- I'd pay attention to it all. In the end, though, only you know your daughter. (On a side note, I wonder how many of the people advising you on parenting are actually parents. I'm just curious. And I'm not suggesting that non-parents can't give parenting advice. Not at all. Just curious. Being a parent myself, I can truly understand the frustration. It is, unfortunately, one of the downsides of this great role.)
Well, to get to your original question, I'd give BumperCar a try. It got a "Best of Show" award a few years back at MacWorld. I don't know if it's aimed at that particular age group or not but it's worth checking out the site and trying the demo.
Hope this helps.
-Squire
Ok this thread seems to be getting lost now.
Janey, quite a post. Don't know what you wrote, but quite a lot of something.
Janey, quite a post. Don't know what you wrote, but quite a lot of something.
Yeah, I noticed that. Wrote it at 4 in the morning.GimmeSlack12 said:
Doing my homework.
Not procrastinating, just working on a project I just started. Something about an MP3 player in Java, so I was reading up on ID3 tags.
I should probably clarify, but there isnt much to say, other than that the OP should reconsider what he's doing.
And what's really funny is that some of my friends parents do the whole sneaking up thing to their kids too...and their kids just use Expose to get rid of the windows, or alt-tab to an open homework assignment and quickly do "hide others". Apparently works great, especially if it's a laptop lcd and you have the brightness all the way down - unless they sneak up behind you, they won't be seeing what's going on on the display until they're much closer to you.
I think a few of you might have missed this part.
Whether or not you agree with what macs4usall is doing, can't you just respect his/her request and stick to the original question? We don't know how tech-savvy the daughter is and we certainly cannot even guess what the parent-child relationship is. People who don't know anything about the situation should probably demonstrate some restraint (which can be hard, I know).
-Squire
macs4usall said:
Whether or not you agree with what macs4usall is doing, can't you just respect his/her request and stick to the original question? We don't know how tech-savvy the daughter is and we certainly cannot even guess what the parent-child relationship is. People who don't know anything about the situation should probably demonstrate some restraint (which can be hard, I know).
-Squire
At first, certain comments in this thread annoyed me.
But the more it went on, the more it angered me.
Angered me to my soul.
"Oh, if we just all hug our children, bathe them in love and undertanding, everything will be okay!"
I'm surprised some of you don't walk into a shop, pick up a chocolate bar and attempt to pay the shopkeeper with friendship.
As an 18 year old teenager, who spends way too much time on the computer (whilst still pulling of good school work and a social life, I hastily add), I say good luck to this parent trying to ensure things don't get out of control. The only thing I'm sorry about is the fact that I can't be of any proper assistance, other than maybe when you tell her to get off her backside and do some work, you maybe do it with a joke or two. Break the ice or something.
Hmm, I guess in times of drastic need, you could surround her room in some kind of EMF shielding, blocking off internet access. (I'd be impressed she even got that, considering that you blocked off the Airport)
Unless she needs iChat like crack, trust me, by making things akward for her is the best option. When the jar is too tough to open, even the hungry shrug their shoulders and give up. Her attention will be diverted elsewhere, and hopefully it will be towards something productive (or at least a bit more self rewarding).
And yes, I realise that I don't know the specifics of the situation either. But if others are allowed to make assumtions, so am I dammit!
Good luck macs4usall, if a proper solution is found I'll be interested in this myself, if for nothing but to see how the overall outcome proceeds!
But the more it went on, the more it angered me.
Angered me to my soul.
"Oh, if we just all hug our children, bathe them in love and undertanding, everything will be okay!"
I'm surprised some of you don't walk into a shop, pick up a chocolate bar and attempt to pay the shopkeeper with friendship.
As an 18 year old teenager, who spends way too much time on the computer (whilst still pulling of good school work and a social life, I hastily add), I say good luck to this parent trying to ensure things don't get out of control. The only thing I'm sorry about is the fact that I can't be of any proper assistance, other than maybe when you tell her to get off her backside and do some work, you maybe do it with a joke or two. Break the ice or something.
Hmm, I guess in times of drastic need, you could surround her room in some kind of EMF shielding, blocking off internet access. (I'd be impressed she even got that, considering that you blocked off the Airport)
Unless she needs iChat like crack, trust me, by making things akward for her is the best option. When the jar is too tough to open, even the hungry shrug their shoulders and give up. Her attention will be diverted elsewhere, and hopefully it will be towards something productive (or at least a bit more self rewarding).
And yes, I realise that I don't know the specifics of the situation either. But if others are allowed to make assumtions, so am I dammit!
Good luck macs4usall, if a proper solution is found I'll be interested in this myself, if for nothing but to see how the overall outcome proceeds!
Why don't you just take the laptop away from her?
When I was young, and spending too much time on the computer, the solution was to take the power cord from me. Otherwise, if I could find a way to use the computer, I would use it. Nothing could possibly be said to get me to stop using it.
If she just needs the laptop for school work, disable your airport during homework time -- you said you already did this, so what's the problem?
When I was young, and spending too much time on the computer, the solution was to take the power cord from me. Otherwise, if I could find a way to use the computer, I would use it. Nothing could possibly be said to get me to stop using it.
If she just needs the laptop for school work, disable your airport during homework time -- you said you already did this, so what's the problem?
like i said in my long rambling post that people hate and that made no sense, sometimes that's not an option - using (internet) to an extent is sometimes necessary. check beforehand with other parents and teachers to see if it is the case.cait-sith said:
and games, games, games...no need for internet to play games..
What are we ... CHINA? Content Filtering?!? Parenting or the Red Tide?!
Seriously though, isnt 14 old enough to acknowledge responsibility. Besides she might be asking homework questions to all of her friends... I love China by the way. Who's up for some fried rice? I'm ordering...
BTW dont take any of this seriously. I was just trying to make light of the "You are a bad parent" stuff. Plus I was hungry.
Seriously though, isnt 14 old enough to acknowledge responsibility. Besides she might be asking homework questions to all of her friends... I love China by the way. Who's up for some fried rice? I'm ordering...
BTW dont take any of this seriously. I was just trying to make light of the "You are a bad parent" stuff. Plus I was hungry.