Critique my Sports Advert

[bluetooth]

I like the layout and think you're close; a few nit picky details stick out after reading your last post. You said it was geared toward the Toronto market, which makes the color choices obvious, however, in recent years the NHL has switched from having the home team in white, to having the home team in their darker sweaters (in the case of the Maple Leafs, blue) Is this game actually in Toronto? If this is the case, you might consider having the home team in their correct (blue) jerseys and switching the order of the team names. It is customary to list the home team at the bottom if arranged vertically or at the end if arranged horizontally.

I realize these comments may effect the entire layout, but take it for what it's worth.

Oh course this is all null and void if the game is in Pittsburgh.

Yeah I was fully aware of this going into the design, the game is in Pittsburgh, hence the choice of jersey's in the ad.

 

[bluetooth]

Final design

For those who are at all interested or curious below is the final design that was submitted a day or two ago. Everyone was quite pleased with it.

I cleaned up the paths, added the Leaf logo in the left corner, resized/positioned Kaberle, removed/kept the names off. Went with the darker colour background as it provided the best "pop" imo.

Thanks to everyone for their opinions and advice. I am also pleased with the outcome/final result after applying some of the recommended tweaks.

 

[usclaneyj]

I realize I'm late to the party, but just for any future ads you might do:


1) The white stroke around the foreground players is odd to me. It creates this weird tension, and flattens the space between them and the background players.

2) The fact that the foreground skaters are reflected but the background skaters are not is also giving me an unsettled feeling.

3) The background skater on the left side is not in any kind of perspective with regards to the skater in front of him. Looking at their skates, the background skater is lower than the foreground skater. It's like an MC Esher drawing.

4) Both team logos are almost completely lost because of their central placement. They both blend into the skater behind them.

5) The typeface could stand to have the tracking tightened up a little bit. The individual kerning is pretty good, although the P seems just ever so slightly too far from the E in PENS.

6) Not a fan of the blue glow/bevel on the type, but that's just me.

7) In general, it just seems so concentrated towards the middle of the page. The burst, the glow, the bunched players, all put together create a very static design. Why not let the background players be farther out to the sides and bleed off the page? Create a sense of action and movement. Ice Hockey never stops moving, but this ad is as static as it could be.

Now, with all that being said, I still think it's a perfectly acceptable ad. Good job putting it together, and good on you for coming to Macrumors and openly asking for critique! Please don't take anything I've said in a negative light. I am a Creative Director and I bluntly critique my designers' work on a daily basis.

 

[Designer Dale]

Very nice final design. I looked at the official site of the Maple Leafs and noted that the lettering on the home jerseys, the one with the blue leaf, is larger than on your reproduction. Fine details like this are important to look at.

Nice work.

Dale

 

[bluetooth]

I realize I'm late to the party, but just for any future ads you might do:


1) The white stroke around the foreground players is odd to me. It creates this weird tension, and flattens the space between them and the background players.

2) The fact that the foreground skaters are reflected but the background skaters are not is also giving me an unsettled feeling.

3) The background skater on the left side is not in any kind of perspective with regards to the skater in front of him. Looking at their skates, the background skater is lower than the foreground skater. It's like an MC Esher drawing.

4) Both team logos are almost completely lost because of their central placement. They both blend into the skater behind them.

5) The typeface could stand to have the tracking tightened up a little bit. The individual kerning is pretty good, although the P seems just ever so slightly too far from the E in PENS.

6) Not a fan of the blue glow/bevel on the type, but that's just me.

7) In general, it just seems so concentrated towards the middle of the page. The burst, the glow, the bunched players, all put together create a very static design. Why not let the background players be farther out to the sides and bleed off the page? Create a sense of action and movement. Ice Hockey never stops moving, but this ad is as static as it could be.

Now, with all that being said, I still think it's a perfectly acceptable ad. Good job putting it together, and good on you for coming to Macrumors and openly asking for critique! Please don't take anything I've said in a negative light. I am a Creative Director and I bluntly critique my designers' work on a daily basis.

Thanks for the honest feedback, sorry you didn't like it...obviously you can't always please everyone but your points are noted.

The background players were not intended to be perceived as part of the centre focal point which is why the 2 players in the front were highlighted, reflected (like they are on ice) and given a stroke as well as a glow - to stand out and separate them from the 2 background players. The larger size of the skaters in the background was an intentional decision as they were not intended to be in the same perspective as the 2 front players. I hope that makes some sense and perhaps gives a better understanding of my thought process.

Very nice final design. I looked at the official site of the Maple Leafs and noted that the lettering on the home jerseys, the one with the blue leaf, is larger than on your reproduction. Fine details like this are important to look at.

Nice work.

Dale

Hey Dale, you know what, I was fully aware of that but I searched 3 logo sites and all 3 had the logo I have in the ad. I noticed the difference in the lettering straight away. I didn't create nor even attempt to start tweaking the logo, I just left it as is when I downloaded it. I didn't want to get into playing with the logo but it is really odd to me that the logo on the 3 sites were all like the one in the ad which has a slight variation in the lettering when compared to the logo on their jersey. Perhaps I need to find more "brands of the world" type logo sites to see if I can find the logo with the identical lettering that is on their jersey's.

Ie. (one of the sites where I searched for the logo).

 

[usclaneyj]

Thanks for the honest feedback, sorry you didn't like it...obviously you can't always please everyone but your points are noted.

The background players were not intended to be perceived as part of the centre focal point which is why the 2 players in the front were highlighted, reflected (like they are on ice) and given a stroke as well as a glow - to stand out and separate them from the 2 background players. The larger size of the skaters in the background was an intentional decision as they were not intended to be in the same perspective as the 2 front players. I hope that makes some sense and perhaps gives a better understanding of my thought process.

It does. Thanks! In that case, I don't think you pushed it far enough. If the goal was to communicate that the background players were just literally background dressing, I failed to read it that way. Anyways, thanks for the clarification.

 

[sigamy]

Huge Pens fan here! Nice to see my love of Macs and the Pens combined!

I agree with the others, either jazz up the names or remove them. And you had Crosby's name too far away from his body.

I feel like there is too much overlap in the center. Malkin behind Sid behind Pens logo. Same on the Leafs side. You have some room around the sides, maybe use more of it? Maybe push Malkin and Kaberle up and out (away from center).

Also, look at bottom of Pens logo, Crosby's blade is poking out and it just looks strange.

 

[bluetooth]

Huge Pens fan here! Nice to see my love of Macs and the Pens combined!

I agree with the others, either jazz up the names or remove them. And you had Crosby's name too far away from his body.

I feel like there is too much overlap in the center. Malkin behind Sid behind Pens logo. Same on the Leafs side. You have some room around the sides, maybe use more of it? Maybe push Malkin and Kaberle up and out (away from center).

Also, look at bottom of Pens logo, Crosby's blade is poking out and it just looks strange.

Yeah I removed the names, the version above was the final. It was already submitted and ran a few days ago, nonetheless thanks for the feedback.

Btw, Crosby only has one leg "poking out" of the bottom because his back leg is raised as he was about to take a shot in the image.

Anyways, we won tonight!

 

[bluetooth]

n/t