First and foremost if you drop your iphone in the toilet fallow these simple steps.
1) If you have not yet dropped your iPhone in the toilet, consider NOT dropping your iPhone in the toilet. This is a solid course of action, in my opinion, and one that can be easily achieved by not keeping your iPhone in your back pocket, unless your back pocket has a button, but if that's the case, you probably aren't cool enough to own an iPhone in the first place, no?
If displacement of object x (where x = a ****ing expensive phone) is forced by the downward velocity of object y (where y = your pants), object x will swan dive out and away from object y, with the trajectory being affected by the natural gravitational pull of object z (where z = the ****ter) by a fairly simple factor of murphy's law < just your flipping luck + manufacturers' warranty = VOID.
In layman's terms: pants down + phone falls = splish splash.
2) If you have already dropped your iPhone in the toilet, you do need to immediately remove it from the toilet, then proceed directly to step 3.
3) Wash your hands.
4) Stare at phone in horror for a few seconds and assess the damage. The screen will probably be reminiscent of scrambled porn.
5) Turn the phone off, if you can. Hit the button on the top of the phone and hold it until you see the fancydancy SLIDE TO POWER OFF option on the screen, which of course you will not see, because of the aforementioned scrambled porn. NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, OR ANYTHING.
5a) Try holding down the home button AND the top-of-phone button at the same time until the phone shuts off.
6) Don't turn it back on. Unless you are Amy. Who turned it back on.
7) Don't stick pens in the side of the phone in a vain attempt to open it up. Unless you are Amy. Who stuck pens in the side of the phone in a vain attempt to open it up.
8) Go online and read about dunking the phone in rubbing alcohol or Everclear. Do not do this because it sounds scary, but consider taking a shot of Everclear. Or 12.
8a) Sink into blissful alcohol poisoning coma, where you will never have to think about the time you dropped your iPhone in the toilet, forever and ever, fluffy clouds and harps.
9) Put the phone down. Walk away. Wring hands, rent garments, gnash teeth.
10) Do not walk back to the phone after 10 minutes and attempt to start it back up. Unless you are...oh, you know where this is going.
12) Stick the phone in a cup of rice. Fret for a few minutes re: basmati or Arborio or possibly some Uncle Ben's Cheddar Rice with Broccoli before settling on the long grain enriched.
13) Remember, perhaps, that you did not ever finish peeing.
14) Confess to husband. Get shrill and hysterical over the idea that you may have to get an non-iPhone phone, because you cannot afford another iPhone, but doesn't he understand? You had an iPhone! You cannot go back now! What are you supposed to use, a ****ing Razr?
14a) Consider prostitution.
15) Call it a day and go to bed. Tell reflection in mirror that it is not worthy of owning an electric toothbrush, much less an iPhone. Tell non-reflected-self to go to hell.
16) Wait at least 24 hours before turning the phone back on. Whoop with joy at the sight of the Apple logo. Holler with ecstasy at the sight of the homescreen. Weep with gratitude when the phone connects to the network with a fat, full signal.
17) Touch the Phone icon to call you husband and tell him that he doesn't need to divorce you after all.
18) Touch it again when nothing happens.
19) Oh.
20) Safari? Mail? iPod? Settings? Anyone? Bueller?
21) Determine that only the top half of the screen is working. Congratulations! Your iPhone is now a $600 texting/calendar/Google Mapping device.
21a) Oh, and YouTube. You can still totally get the sneezing panda video.
22) Turn phone off and flee the room, decide to give it another 24 hours, also wonder what the odds are that the Apple guys at the Genius Bar will believe you that my heavens, I have no idea what happened, or if the iPhone comes with a tracking chip like George's book on Seinfeld, which in that case they will simply hand the phone back to you and say, I'm sorry, but this phone has been in the toilet, and we cannot help you.
(Ahh, this old chestnut. I should really have this photo on a macro by now. Ctrl+Alt+****this****)
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Okay now that you had a good laugh you can really start helping yourself out.
First of all, I was sitting on the toilet at work taking a crap and I was feeling generous and decided to give everybody in the bathroom a nice flush before i finished. So i did and then i grabbed my iphone to cont surfing the web while enjoying my time on the toilet. And wham dropped my $400 piece of equipment into the bowl. I imediatlly reached my hand into the pot and grabbed my presious iphone. i dryed it off with some tissue and ran out of the stall grabbing some more towels. practlly in tears i tryed turning the damn thing off and low and behold my slide to turn off function wasnt working, suprise...i think not. So i did a hard shut off and removed the sim card and began to shake and try and get as much water out of the ports as possible. I finally felt satisfied with the effort put into getting the water out and boom the damn thing started turning on by itself! the screen went to the apple logo and then had bars across the scream before turning pink and shut off. I called apple and they pretty much told me im SOL. I was so pissed and didnt help all my friends were laughing at me for being so stupid. Everybody kept telling me "why dont you take out the battery and dry it that way" (WTF of all advice to give someone it had to be the one thing the damn thing couldnt do) so i placed my phone on a near by computer to get it nice and hot. It was acting up and turing on and off for about 3 hours before it finally died on me. I let it dry until i went home for lunch about 4 hours later. I saw water damage under the phone and when i got home and plugged it in the phone told me to plug into itunes. I did as it said and it didnt even realize the device and finally after about 10 min of plugging in and out it finaly said it has to restore from original settings. did that and then it restored it to previous settings. My iphone was perfectly fine!!!!! So i thought, i soon found out that it was turing the "ringer" icon on and off. times wouldnt even leave the screen. It also didnt let me use the top bottom to put it to sleep. Next thing i know its placing itself into airplane mode and not recognizing the iphone charger saying its an unknown device plugged into it. I decided it was best to turn it off and let it dry some more. I thought the warmest place it could be was in my car with the 90 degree temps outside. i left it in the car for about another 4 hours. when i got off work the phone is perfectly fine! no problems what so ever. no water damage and not doing anymore problems. So word to the wise. DRY your iphone in a very warm place asap and get ALL the water out of it before you try and do anything else. So dont give up. The stupid brick isnt so stupid after all
Ryan
and lived to tell the story
