I have an Intel i9-9900K and 64GB of RAM and that is plenty to be able to run VMs and have several Adobe CS apps going, every browser with many tabs open (webdev) and my IDEs, productivity apps, etc all running with a YouTube podcast running on my third display.
I'm kinda what some people might call a "unicorn" (stupid name, it is what it is) in that I do design and dev and everything in between full stack, sometimes even video editing and photography. Even I don't yet have a good reason to upgrade to Apple Silicon. Sure I would love the battery life and heat reduction on the MBP but I don't use mine enough to justify it, although I would probably use it a lot more if I had one because it would be more than powerful enough to use as my desktop docked as well. That would make it easier to switch between devices too.
My iStat Memory menubar widget rarely gets above 3/4 usage, and only barely—around 50GB. Today I have a moderate workload not using VMs currently and I'm only using 30.27GB. Now 32GB? I have a MBP with an i9 and 32GB of RAM and it's fine for most things. It's not usually super happy if I'm having a really busy day with lots going on multitasking-wise and have VMs running, but it's not bad either. Definitely more swapping to disk but that's not as bad as it used to be since the SSDs are so fast these days. But I tend to primarily use my MacBook Pro only when traveling or if I want to get out of my studio and get some fresh air and have some lesser demanding tasks to complete.
I think 64GB sounds fine for what you do and should last a good long while. Only if you're planning to keep using this device into 2030 would I maybe consider 96GB, and that's just a maybe. Obviously it's difficult to predict what we'll need in the future. But I'm a higher end user and I'm not planning to upgrade until 2024 at the earliest and it's looking more likely 2025 at this point just because I still feel confident in my current setup. But I'm likely to look at 96GB or even 128GB if I'm upgrading in 2025 just because I know I'm going to be using this system into the early 2030s unless an accident happens to the MBP.
My ideal setup for my workload will be a 14" MBP M3/M4 Max with 96-128GB RAM (depending on price and what is available), 4TB SSD, and probably the second highest GPU option depending on price and capabilities. I would expect such a device to last me about 7 years into 2031-2032. Over that time I expect Apple to release a 6K 120Hz Studio Display, so the only thing that might get me to upgrade a little earlier is if it can't support multiple of those. I expect it to be able to run at least one 6K 120Hz as primary and then I can continue using my 4K second and third displays until I upgrade the rest.