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Online dating?
- Thread starter mariahlullaby
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I have had my profile up on dating sites off and on for the last 5-6 years, and have enjoyed the experience and found the sites to be quite helpful.
I mean, you obviously *continue* to live in the real world, so it's not an "either/or" thing. I just feel that it expands my circle of potential matches. Being extremely picky, as well as not a bar-goer, I appreciate the added opportunity to find a person with compatible values that online dating affords me.
Another thing that's often overlooked is that often in the process of searching for a compatible person for a relationship, you get to meet people who turn into great *friends*. I am extremely picky in who I will choose to meet in person -- maybe 1 out of 100 who write me online --, and the 15 (or so) people I've met in real life over the years have all turned into wonderful friends. In fact, I can say now that currently, *most* of my close friends are people I've met through online dating sites, even though they've turned into platonic friends. But these people have housed me, stored my furniture or car for me, and would generally do anything for me (and I for them of course). I've also not had one single date with a person who wasn't great and wonderful.
So to me, online dating is a place to meet interesting people, and be able to meet the kinds of people who you know beforehand will be the kinds of people you like. Whether it turns into romance or friendsdhip is almost secondary. I feel that if someone is on a dating site for the *right* reasons (i.e., being a little more discerning in who to hang out with, rather than being unable to find a match in the real world), then it's a great thing.
Also, to counter the idea that it's a bunch of low-life losers or socially inadept weirdos who utilize these services, let's say that many of the people I've met were partners in law firms, successful CEOs, specialty physicians, venture capitalists, etc; all were very good-looking, and truly nice people with no emotional hangups. Like I say, most have turned into close friends. Of course some of the people who *write* me are unattractive, weirdos, etc. But it's easy to ignore them and focus on the quality people.
In terms of recommended sites, I've tried most of them, and can recommend Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. For writing your profile, I recommend not to spend too much space describing your hobbies, favorite foods, etc, but instead to focus on what you are looking for in a partner, what you have to offer to a partner, and what type of relationship you are looking for.
Whether you are venturing out in the real world or searching for your dream person from the comfort of your home (or both): Good luck, and may that person cross your path soon!
I mean, you obviously *continue* to live in the real world, so it's not an "either/or" thing. I just feel that it expands my circle of potential matches. Being extremely picky, as well as not a bar-goer, I appreciate the added opportunity to find a person with compatible values that online dating affords me.
Another thing that's often overlooked is that often in the process of searching for a compatible person for a relationship, you get to meet people who turn into great *friends*. I am extremely picky in who I will choose to meet in person -- maybe 1 out of 100 who write me online --, and the 15 (or so) people I've met in real life over the years have all turned into wonderful friends. In fact, I can say now that currently, *most* of my close friends are people I've met through online dating sites, even though they've turned into platonic friends. But these people have housed me, stored my furniture or car for me, and would generally do anything for me (and I for them of course). I've also not had one single date with a person who wasn't great and wonderful.
So to me, online dating is a place to meet interesting people, and be able to meet the kinds of people who you know beforehand will be the kinds of people you like. Whether it turns into romance or friendsdhip is almost secondary. I feel that if someone is on a dating site for the *right* reasons (i.e., being a little more discerning in who to hang out with, rather than being unable to find a match in the real world), then it's a great thing.
Also, to counter the idea that it's a bunch of low-life losers or socially inadept weirdos who utilize these services, let's say that many of the people I've met were partners in law firms, successful CEOs, specialty physicians, venture capitalists, etc; all were very good-looking, and truly nice people with no emotional hangups. Like I say, most have turned into close friends. Of course some of the people who *write* me are unattractive, weirdos, etc. But it's easy to ignore them and focus on the quality people.
In terms of recommended sites, I've tried most of them, and can recommend Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. For writing your profile, I recommend not to spend too much space describing your hobbies, favorite foods, etc, but instead to focus on what you are looking for in a partner, what you have to offer to a partner, and what type of relationship you are looking for.
Whether you are venturing out in the real world or searching for your dream person from the comfort of your home (or both): Good luck, and may that person cross your path soon!
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2005-11-18-matchmaking-fraud_x.htm
Nothing like a little fraud to make your dating experience better.
What gets me about these sites is that they have a vested interest in you *not* finding what you want. As long as you're single, you keep paying money every month. Then again, $20 a month is about two drinks each with a random person about whom you know nothing.
That being said, I will say I met my current gf (coming up on 18 months on now)through one of these agencies. The more experience you have with them, the easier it is to filter out all the fake profiles (really poor English and unusually lax requirements are two key flags). When I cancelled my subscription, they couldn't stop hounding me to take it back up again for months afterward, offering me all sorts of incentives for doing so - buy 1 month get 2 free et al.
Nothing like a little fraud to make your dating experience better.
What gets me about these sites is that they have a vested interest in you *not* finding what you want. As long as you're single, you keep paying money every month. Then again, $20 a month is about two drinks each with a random person about whom you know nothing.
That being said, I will say I met my current gf (coming up on 18 months on now)through one of these agencies. The more experience you have with them, the easier it is to filter out all the fake profiles (really poor English and unusually lax requirements are two key flags). When I cancelled my subscription, they couldn't stop hounding me to take it back up again for months afterward, offering me all sorts of incentives for doing so - buy 1 month get 2 free et al.
I've tried a few, with varying results. I've only really had one true 'date' out of it, which was fun but wasn't going to lead to anything. I have, however, made one really good friend through it, and went to meet her (in South America) earlier this year - one of the trips of a lifetime.
It is funny seeing the sites who obviously have padded out their database with fake profiles to make it look better. It might work in the US, but when they pluck placenames out of a database and add a photo presumably from a model agency (or porn site), you often end up with a lithe modelesque tanned beauty who's from a two-sheep-and-a-goat village like Ballydehob where the sun hasn't shone in 11 years, alarm bells do start to ring...
It is funny seeing the sites who obviously have padded out their database with fake profiles to make it look better. It might work in the US, but when they pluck placenames out of a database and add a photo presumably from a model agency (or porn site), you often end up with a lithe modelesque tanned beauty who's from a two-sheep-and-a-goat village like Ballydehob where the sun hasn't shone in 11 years, alarm bells do start to ring...
I'm not, by any means, an advocate of online dating... but i DID meet my boyfriend online.
i was on msn one day, just surfing through profiles looking for people that i know when i came across this guys profile that said he had gone to the same highschool as me. so i messaged him figuring that i might be able to have a half-way decent chat with him and we got to talking. then we went for coffee - without ever intending for it to be a date. it was entirely platonic.
after hanging out 3 or 4 times we kinda decided that we liked eachother and started dating. we've been together for over a year now and we moved across canada together. we're still very much in love and it's all thanks to the internet.
so how do i feel about internet dating? i think that it has potential... but i think that meeting people on a social and non-dating level first is much more effective. when the pressure of calling a date a "date" is there, it makes for a much more stressful time and makes it harder to really get to know the other person.
i was on msn one day, just surfing through profiles looking for people that i know when i came across this guys profile that said he had gone to the same highschool as me. so i messaged him figuring that i might be able to have a half-way decent chat with him and we got to talking. then we went for coffee - without ever intending for it to be a date. it was entirely platonic.
after hanging out 3 or 4 times we kinda decided that we liked eachother and started dating. we've been together for over a year now and we moved across canada together. we're still very much in love and it's all thanks to the internet.
so how do i feel about internet dating? i think that it has potential... but i think that meeting people on a social and non-dating level first is much more effective. when the pressure of calling a date a "date" is there, it makes for a much more stressful time and makes it harder to really get to know the other person.
I've tried it. I dated 3 girls that I met online. The first one lasted 11.5 months, the next about 3 and the last one we only had one date.
However, regarding the second girl I dated, we somewhat remained friends and several months after we dated, she introduced me to my wife. My wife and I have been married for over a year now, with a baby on the way.
Hooray for teh interweb!
However, regarding the second girl I dated, we somewhat remained friends and several months after we dated, she introduced me to my wife. My wife and I have been married for over a year now, with a baby on the way.
Hooray for teh interweb!
if you arent the type of person who goes out to:
bars
clubs
movies
theatre
strip-joints
Hardees
then you wouldnt want to meet/date someone who does, right? I mean, I like all those things above, I just dont go out every week, and Id rather someone who was more like me in terms of how much "society" contact they have usually. i.e. someone who doesnt like to go out.
so how does one meet someone in that case? online seems a good idea.
if you arent in school anymore, its hard to meet people of your own age group with whom you may share a common interest.
if your common interests all lack things that involve going out for the most part, how would you ever meet anyone!?
not that everyone online is antisocial, but isnt online match making (i wont use the term dating as I dont date thru IMs and email, thats just plain like, odd) the best and possibly only place for peeple like that to meet?
bars
clubs
movies
theatre
strip-joints
Hardees
then you wouldnt want to meet/date someone who does, right? I mean, I like all those things above, I just dont go out every week, and Id rather someone who was more like me in terms of how much "society" contact they have usually. i.e. someone who doesnt like to go out.
so how does one meet someone in that case? online seems a good idea.
if you arent in school anymore, its hard to meet people of your own age group with whom you may share a common interest.
if your common interests all lack things that involve going out for the most part, how would you ever meet anyone!?
not that everyone online is antisocial, but isnt online match making (i wont use the term dating as I dont date thru IMs and email, thats just plain like, odd) the best and possibly only place for peeple like that to meet?
When your at a bar you are not meeting the true person but someone who has had a few and might have a different personality. Unless the person you are meeting online is drunk I think you have a better chance of talking to the real person not the beer. That said you still have to meet in person but the first can I buy you a drink phase has been taking care of.
I don't know if online dating sites are worth it but talking to someone online works, If its a dating site I would think its kinda forced as opposed to just casually talking to someone online.
I don't know if online dating sites are worth it but talking to someone online works, If its a dating site I would think its kinda forced as opposed to just casually talking to someone online.
Blue Velvet said:
Temporarily sure, but it'd be pretty awful in the long run. I wouldn't really want to hang out with someone who's into, for example, gay bashing and church.
Sdashiki said:
From cookie.exe on TOPS20:
A good man goes out to seek companionship. A good woman stays home and waits. They never meet.
Ron
Online dating pros:
- Meet more people that you otherwise would.
- Screen people for qualities that take much longer to identify face-to-face.
- When it fizzles out early on, a few emails is a much easier investment than a date or two.
- An e-mail rejection (both giving and receiving) is much easier than doing it to a person's face.
- There are times when I didn't have much time to socialize, and it was a way to stay "out there" to some extent.
- If the someone is going to flake on you (and it's bound to happen), better to have it happen via e-mail instead of in person.
Online dating cons:
- People tend to exaggerate about themselves.
- Physical attraction is important, and a picture often can't convey the tone of someone's voice, the way they smile or laugh, or many of the other things you can find enchanting about someone.
- There's a certain chemistry that only happens face-to-face and can't really be duplicated online. There have been a few times where e-mail rapport did not carry over into real conversation at all. It's not that anyone was being deceptive, they're just two different things.
- You can be contacted by people that you would never want to meet in person. Fortunately it's only email and it's easy to block them. At the risk of sounding shallow, I've been contacted by a mentally-disabled midget and a transsexual. Safe to say I wasn't interested in either of them. On the other hand, meeting people online would be a boon to them.
*******
On the whole, it's been about as successful for me as meeting people in person. In other words, I'm as single now as I almost always am.
Like with dating in general though, it's how you met the last girl/boyfriend that feels like the most successful method. Before that, everyone sucked and nothing works.
- Meet more people that you otherwise would.
- Screen people for qualities that take much longer to identify face-to-face.
- When it fizzles out early on, a few emails is a much easier investment than a date or two.
- An e-mail rejection (both giving and receiving) is much easier than doing it to a person's face.
- There are times when I didn't have much time to socialize, and it was a way to stay "out there" to some extent.
- If the someone is going to flake on you (and it's bound to happen), better to have it happen via e-mail instead of in person.
Online dating cons:
- People tend to exaggerate about themselves.
- Physical attraction is important, and a picture often can't convey the tone of someone's voice, the way they smile or laugh, or many of the other things you can find enchanting about someone.
- There's a certain chemistry that only happens face-to-face and can't really be duplicated online. There have been a few times where e-mail rapport did not carry over into real conversation at all. It's not that anyone was being deceptive, they're just two different things.
- You can be contacted by people that you would never want to meet in person. Fortunately it's only email and it's easy to block them. At the risk of sounding shallow, I've been contacted by a mentally-disabled midget and a transsexual. Safe to say I wasn't interested in either of them. On the other hand, meeting people online would be a boon to them.
*******
On the whole, it's been about as successful for me as meeting people in person. In other words, I'm as single now as I almost always am.
Like with dating in general though, it's how you met the last girl/boyfriend that feels like the most successful method. Before that, everyone sucked and nothing works.
I was just recently at a wedding of a friend where he met hisspouse online. They used match.com
I think it can work but probably have to go through a lot of the same dating bullS$$T that you would do anyway at the bar scene. You just need to be careful for obvious reasons.
I think it can work but probably have to go through a lot of the same dating bullS$$T that you would do anyway at the bar scene. You just need to be careful for obvious reasons.
Even when you're not looking for dates, forums can be a great place to make new friends. And with "pen pals" you don't necessarily ever have to meet them in person to develop good friendships.
Nobody pm' ed me from my last post in this thread - Is it my looks?
Seriously, I married a girl I met at a coffee shop and have zero experience with internet dating. I imagine though, as easy as it is to find anything else on the web, why not a soul mate?
Seriously, I married a girl I met at a coffee shop and have zero experience with internet dating. I imagine though, as easy as it is to find anything else on the web, why not a soul mate?
I have nothing against online dating. I met Lee here .
But I prefer to meet guys in real life, it gets rid of a step. Many times you can be completely compatible with someone on paper/online, but you meet that person and his or her mannerisms, voice, etc. drive you nuts.
I'm easily deterred by such things. I tend to be very picky about such things.
e
.But I prefer to meet guys in real life, it gets rid of a step. Many times you can be completely compatible with someone on paper/online, but you meet that person and his or her mannerisms, voice, etc. drive you nuts.
I'm easily deterred by such things. I tend to be very picky about such things.
e
Hmm, personally I see online dating as one means in many of meeting people. I wouldn't consider it sufficient in itself, but wouldn't discount it merely because of its problems.
Not that I can claim to be a resounding success or anything, as evidenced by:
https://forums.macrumors.com/threads/185226/
But, I've noticed a few things while meeting girls online and in daily life. In online dating most girls seem to want to email/message back and forth for a couple weeks to figure you out a bit. And then, if you invite them out, they'll give a phone number, and you can meet them in person. So, you'll typically spend hours and hours on someone before you meet them. At which point, you'll probably only need 5 minutes to see if you're interested or not. This process requires patience, which is probably why many people get frustrated. Plus, these girls (probably same with guys) are meeting other people online and in daily life, so things can just fizzle out as they start seeing someone else. Or worse yet, they keep messaging you while they have a boyfriend, since they like the attention. Being an online guy makes you less of a priority than someone that they've met face to face. Plus, because these things are geared to helping you meet a bunch of people, many girls are trying to keep track of 10+ guys at once, so good luck with them remembering you if you're not memorable. Plus, a lot of people who date online do it because they don't have time to meet people in daily life, due to work, school, kids. So, who's to say they'd have time to properly invest in a relationship anyway?
Also, for me, I prefer to talk about important issues and personal stuff face to face, eye to eye. I think it's more meaningful, and more rewarding in person than via any other medium.
So, with all those drawbacks, why do I still do online dating? Well, I've met some nice girls, and had some nice dates. Also, I'm more comfortable openning up with girls than guys as friends, so I've actually made a several friends who are pretty cool. And I've since found that I really like writing. Having to make memorable introductions, getting opportunities to tell funny jokes and stories, and being able to just say wierd **** without too much fear of offending anyone, can be liberating creative times. But mostly, I think it's a nice way to connect with a number of girls, while I'm doing the real work of meeting girls in daily life that I'm going to actually date.
Not that I can claim to be a resounding success or anything, as evidenced by:
https://forums.macrumors.com/threads/185226/
But, I've noticed a few things while meeting girls online and in daily life. In online dating most girls seem to want to email/message back and forth for a couple weeks to figure you out a bit. And then, if you invite them out, they'll give a phone number, and you can meet them in person. So, you'll typically spend hours and hours on someone before you meet them. At which point, you'll probably only need 5 minutes to see if you're interested or not. This process requires patience, which is probably why many people get frustrated. Plus, these girls (probably same with guys) are meeting other people online and in daily life, so things can just fizzle out as they start seeing someone else. Or worse yet, they keep messaging you while they have a boyfriend, since they like the attention. Being an online guy makes you less of a priority than someone that they've met face to face. Plus, because these things are geared to helping you meet a bunch of people, many girls are trying to keep track of 10+ guys at once, so good luck with them remembering you if you're not memorable. Plus, a lot of people who date online do it because they don't have time to meet people in daily life, due to work, school, kids. So, who's to say they'd have time to properly invest in a relationship anyway?
Also, for me, I prefer to talk about important issues and personal stuff face to face, eye to eye. I think it's more meaningful, and more rewarding in person than via any other medium.
So, with all those drawbacks, why do I still do online dating? Well, I've met some nice girls, and had some nice dates. Also, I'm more comfortable openning up with girls than guys as friends, so I've actually made a several friends who are pretty cool. And I've since found that I really like writing. Having to make memorable introductions, getting opportunities to tell funny jokes and stories, and being able to just say wierd **** without too much fear of offending anyone, can be liberating creative times. But mostly, I think it's a nice way to connect with a number of girls, while I'm doing the real work of meeting girls in daily life that I'm going to actually date.
MarkCollette said:
To this I would only add that -- in my experience -- there are more men on online dating sites than women. Every woman I've ever talked to about it says they were inundated with messages. Many of them were from old guys, weirdos, and perverts. A few said that they could barely keep track of the decent guys because they were harassed with the equivalent of dating spam. And just like in the real world, online dating depends heavily on guys approaching women and her filtering them out.
BTW, I posted to that ancient thread you mentioned.
online dating is just another tool in your relationship building toolbelt. i've tried it, some success, others not so much. one good thing is you get access to new people you may not have met otherwise, and you can preview/chat with them to make sure your a match. i think it's a great idea and use of technology.
aloofman said:To this I would only add that -- in my experience -- there are more men on online dating sites than women. Every woman I've ever talked to about it says they were inundated with messages. Many of them were from old guys, weirdos, and perverts. A few said that they could barely keep track of the decent guys because they were harassed with the equivalent of dating spam. And just like in the real world, online dating depends heavily on guys approaching women and her filtering them out.
BTW, I posted to that ancient thread you mentioned.
Yeah, at first I didn't believe what the girls were saying about what guys are like online. Then I started reading the guys' profiles to check out the competition. It's kind of annoying actually, because you think that you'd stand out more, but really those other guys just prejudice girls against guys. There becomes a burden of proof / guilty until proven innocent kind of mentality that sets in.
Hmm, I just had an idea of what a dating site should do. If you look at www.hotornot.com they have a rating system for how hot a person is. It even handles the fact that we each have different idea of what a "10" is, so will renormalise consistently high or consistently low votes accordingly. Maybe there should be a rating system for people who've messages each other or met up. So, even if you're not interested in that person, because you met someone else, or are busy, or not your type, you could still rate how you think other's might find them worthwhile to meet. Most women use these cues from other women in daily life to determine if they should bother dating a guy, so why not online?
(Thanks for posting aloofman
)