So it's Sunday and I don't have anything to do, so I'm still messing with this. I restored to 10.7.4 and everything worked as normal. I redownloaded a new copy of ML from the app store, installed it, and Safari was immediately junk. Web Content RAM climbed to 6GB used in about a minute. So I started thinking of how my mini was different from a stock one. Two things: intel 320 series 160GB ssd, and 8GB of RAM. The ssd is a b!tch to change, but the RAM is easy to get to. I reinstalled a clean ML, shut down and removed the RAM, waited a minute and reinstalled it, switching the slots. Safari is now working fine, and I'm reinstalling my most used apps and important data. This is weird. I'll keep this thread updated as to what happens next, if anybody cares.