Some bizarre and hilarious conspiracy theories regarding Apple

[DD88]

Been reading up on some bizarre conspiracy theories regarding Apple as a company, some I feel are plausible but others are beyond bizarre and borderline moronic. Don’t suggest that I believe all these are real, but some definitely are. Enjoy

1. Apple installs a self destruct chip in every device. After 15 years the device shuts down and becomes inoperable no matter how much you try to repair it.

2. Apple has 90% control of Pfizer and the covid vaccine rollout has installed nanochips into the skin of everyone who has had the jab. This chip is linked to the new M1 and M2 processors and gives Apple biometric data about yourself. Apples master plan is to use this data to create the perfect robotic human. Apple also utilise the use of 5G , which spreads covid through your phone

3. Apple updates older software or machines to deliberately make it lag and much much slower so the user is forced to ditch the current systems they are using and upgrade as they become so slow to use anymore.

4. Apples cameras and microphones on smartphones or macbooks pick up conversations and take photographs of you while you’re using the device. Key words that flag up in the system are “apple, money, windows and Bill Gates“

5. Steve Jobs IS still ALIVE and hiding in Egypt

6. Current CEO of Apple Tim Cook is a dummy and was designed by Jobs himself using the biometric data of all apple owners to run operations while Jobs created a subsidiary of Apple known as “slice” which will eventually take over Apple

7. The ghost of Steve Jobs apparently resides in the Apple Headquarters. There are rumours of staff members hearing groaning noises , loud bangs and moans in Jobs old office.

8. Apple is creating weaponry and developing weapons for use at Area 51

9. Tim Cook is an anagram of Mit Ocok which is part of a mysterious language only a few people know about and stands for “ Robot”

10. Osama bin Laden is the true founder of Apple

 

[ericwn]

10 times hog wash. But do tell us, for a good chuckle, which ones you’re so certain about.

 

[DD88]

10 times hog wash. But do tell us, for a good chuckle, which ones you’re so certain about.

3,4 and 8 are all true and have proven to be true

 

[ericwn]

3,4 and 8 are all true and have proven to be true

Citations please.

 

[DD88]

Citations please.

Apple fined for slowing down old iPhones

Apple agrees to pay a £21m fine in France for not making it clear that it slowed down old iPhones.

www.bbc.co.uk

iPhone Apps With Camera Permissions Can Secretly Take Your Photos Without You Noticing

Google security researcher discovers that iPhone apps with Camera permissions can secretly take Photos and record video without you noticing

thehackernews.com

the one about Area 51 I saw on Twitter , the guy who posted it said he worked at Area 51 had evidenice but couldn’t post it.
Nahhh I’m joking about 8 although one day could be true , the other 2 links prove 3 and 4 though

 

[ericwn]

First link refers to the well documented performance management issues of the battery. Not the same thing as your claim.

The second link goes on, while half a decade old, about potential issues, again is not reflecting anything remotely close to your bold claims of unwanted secret data collection.

The Area 51 bs is a story you claim to have read on the internet. Bravo. I read that Elvis is still alive. About as accurate.

 

[jeremysteele]

Apple was invented by Martians. They captured me when I got too close. I have proof, but I can't disclose it without exposing the old gluteus maximus.

 

[DD88]

First link refers to the well documented performance management issues of the battery. Not the same thing as your claim.

The second link goes on, while half a decade old, about potential issues, again is not reflecting anything remotely close to your bold claims of unwanted secret data collection.

The Area 51 bs is a story you claim to have read on the internet. Bravo. I read that Elvis is still alive. About as accurate.

You need to re-read, these are all claims that I have read on the internet, doesn’t mean I believe them to be true. The Area 51 thing I do know about as I’ve worked there before😉😉😉😉😉 , why do you think Tim Cook was parodied on Jurassic world Dominion?

 

[ericwn]

You need to re-read, these are all claims that I have read on the internet, doesn’t mean I believe them to be true. The Area 51 thing I do know about as I’ve worked there before😉😉😉😉😉 , why do you think Tim Cook was parodied on Jurassic world Dominion?

I bet you will enlighten us all in just a minute. Let me get the popcorn. Please keep it short and to the facts. Because for all I care so far, you provided zero - and at that level I was your supervisor at Area 51.

For anything else, if you read your own comments, you already believe points 3,4 and 8, all of which are hogwash.

 

[Lihp8270]

I bet you will enlighten us all in just a minute. Let me get the popcorn. Please keep it short and to the facts. Because for all I care so far, you provided zero - and at that level I was your supervisor at Area 51.

For anything else, if you read your own comments, you already believe points 3,4 and 8, all of which are hogwash.

I think you misread. OP is joking about believing 8 and was explicitly in stating that they were joking.

 

[ericwn]

I think you misread. OP is joking about believing 8 and was explicitly in stating that they were joking.

Thanks for chiming in - totally possible the OP is joking, but #3 didn’t look like that to me.

 

[eltoslightfoot]

This thread could have been for the LOLs but unfortunately the OP believes these.

 

[DD88]

This thread could have been for the LOLs but unfortunately the OP believes these.

3 and 4 are true, the links are up above which PROVE it. There are Reddit threads dedicated to this but I can’t say too much as my area 51 friends will be compromised. If you genuinely believe that I think Osama Bin Laden was the original creator of Apple though I’ll have whatever you’re smoking

 

[eltoslightfoot]

3 and 4 are true, the links are up above which PROVE it. There are Reddit threads dedicated to this but I can’t say too much as my area 51 friends will be compromised. If you genuinely believe that I think Osama Bin Laden was the original creator of Apple though I’ll have whatever you’re smoking

Prove it......to you. The rest of us? Nope. And proof is that which it takes to convince your audience....so? Guess not.


To be clear. I believe zero of these.

 

[DD88]

Prove it......to you. The rest of us? Nope. And proof is that which it takes to convince your audience....so? Guess not.


To be clear. I believe zero of these.

The fact they got fined hundreds of millions and admitted deliberately slowing down hardware proves that , this link proves they spy on you too
https://www.reddit.com/r/privacy/comments/3ves0u

 

[ericwn]

Prove it......to you. The rest of us? Nope. And proof is that which it takes to convince your audience....so? Guess not.


To be clear. I believe zero of these.

Well said.

Besides, if it’s proven, it’s not a conspiracy theory anymore.

 

[Lihp8270]

Thanks for chiming in - totally possible the OP is joking, but #3 didn’t look like that to me.

From #5

“Nahhh I’m joking about 8”

 

[Lihp8270]

The fact they got fined hundreds of millions and admitted deliberately slowing down hardware proves that , this link proves they spy on you too
https://www.reddit.com/r/privacy/comments/3ves0u

Every battery powered device. Every phone, every laptop, every one of them. Adjusts performance on low battery power.

Putting a brand new battery in an old device would restore performance.

Apple was guilty of not being open about power management. But if apple are guilty of any more. So is every portable device manufacturer.

The list of privacy issues is mostly conjecture, and half truths.

 

[ericwn]

From #5

“Nahhh I’m joking about 8”

Thanks, I see that now, and it was edited afterwards.

 

[tranceking26]

Area 51 is a fun place. Psy-Trance all day long! Oh wait, which Area 51 did you mean?

 

[jeremysteele]

which Area 51 did you mean?

I thought we were talking about my basement bathroom? It is nicknamed Area 51 because it smells like Martians, and I once found an old rotten apple on the floor down there. Conspiracy, or coincidence?

Or maybe it wasn't a rotten apple? 🤔

 

[Lihp8270]

Thanks, I see that now, and it was edited afterwards.

It was last edited 3 minutes before post #6.

The last edit on the post was at 0114 with your post #6 being at 0117

So it wasn’t edited after.

 

[TechRunner]

OP, with your active imagination, you shouldn't be wasting time on forums, you should be writing novels

 

[MajorFubar]

I believe in totally none of these.

Though I have often wondered why over the last, what, 4,000-5,000 years (maybe starting with the Egyptians, then the Romans and Greeks), technology, sanitation, and medicine exploded but only in certain parts of the world, while in some other parts of the world (NB: racism absolutely unintended), to this day people still live in grass huts, poop in holes in the ground, cover their privates with leaves and visit a witch doctor when they feel sick. While I'm typing this on an iPhone.

Something kickstarted it all in North Africa/Europe. Luck? Aliens? Who knows. When 'we' invaded lands like North America, southern Africa and Australia, we (wrongly) saw their technologically-primitive natives as barely-human savages, because they were so far behind what we were used to. Why they hadn't advanced at the same rate as 'us', I'm not really sure.

EDIT: TLDR: I don't understand why technology, sanitation and medicine hasn't evolved across the globe at the same rate.

 

[HDFan]

OP, with your active imagination, you shouldn't be wasting time on forums, you should be writing novels

The picture and profile would imply that it is movies and TV series that he's writing/acting in, but who knows what is true.