The End Of Your Life

[Huntn]

It can suck in old age, hopefully you keel over before your crawling on all fours or have lost your marbles, the entire sum of your life reduced to an echo. Go quick, don’t linger.

What brought this on? I’m currently providing moral support to my 96-year-old father who seems to be slipping fast, but not fast enough, at least not from his perspective. In his words, if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d go out back and eat a bullet . It’s heartbreaking, he lives in Florida, I live in Texas, I tried to get him to come live nearby in a senior facility about five years ago, and ultimately he refused.

He’s still sharpen enough to function, but lost regarding anything technical that he’s not already familiar with. He’s also still mobile but not very without oxygen, and while he knows what he should do, move to a senior center that can provide assisted-living, he keeps rebelling regarding this idea. Me and my brother are encouraging him to move to one of the many places he’s toured in the past, and he just can’t decide that it’s bad enough that he should. He understands the logic of the advantage of making this change on his terms, versus being forced into something less desirable, yet he can’t seem to make a decision other than to maintain the status quo as his health deteriorates.

Anyway, my brother, who now lives in Alaska is flying down there to go over financial records and hopefully talk him into taking the step towards the assisted-living. My plan is to go over there after, I’m hoping that he can make a decision so when I do come, I can physically help him with anything that he needs help with. The bad thing is he’s alone, I can stay there for a week but then I’ll be headed home. If I see a move on his part to transition into assisted-living, I could stay longer to help with that .

I remember @Scepticalscribe discussing this while back in regards to her mother, but not in the terms I’m using, more elegant.

* If a thread on this topic already exists, happy to see this moved to that thread.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

It can suck in old age, hopefully you keel over before your crawling on all fours or have lost your marbles, the entire sum of your life reduced to an echo. Go quick, don’t linger.

What brought this on? I’m currently providing moral support to my 96-year-old father who seems to be slipping fast, but not fast enough, at least not from his perspective. In his words, if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d go out back and eat a bullet . It’s heartbreaking, he lives in Florida, I live in Texas, I tried to get him to come live nearby in a senior facility about five years ago, and ultimately he refused.

He’s still sharpen enough to function, but lost regarding anything technical that he’s not already familiar with. He’s also still mobile but not very without oxygen, and while he knows what he should do, move to a senior center that can provide assisted-living, he keeps rebelling regarding this idea. Me and my brother are encouraging him to move to one of the many places he’s toured in the past, and he just can’t decide that it’s bad enough that he should. He understands the logic of the advantage of making this change on his terms, versus being forced into something less desirable, yet he can’t seem to make a decision other than to maintain the status quo as his health deteriorates.

Anyway, my brother, who now lives in Alaska is flying down there to go over financial records and hopefully talk him into taking the step towards the assisted-living. My plan is to go over there after, I’m hoping that he can make a decision so when I do come, I can physically help him with anything that he needs help with. The bad thing is he’s alone, I can stay there for a week but then I’ll be headed home. If I see a move on his part to transition into assisted-living, I could stay longer to help with that .

I remember @Scepticalscribe discussing this while back in regards to her mother, but not in the terms I’m using, more elegant.

* If a thread on this topic already exists, happy to see this moved to that thread.

My sympathies.

The best of luck.

However, I also feel for your father; personally, I'd rather shoot myself - actually, I'd rather die - than endure, or suffer, one minute of my life in those ghastly assisted-living places for the elderly, full of false cheer, forced company, and, above all, driven by the desire for profit.

We cared for my mother at home until the end (and cared for my father at home until five days before his death).

However, most fortunately, while we were able to (privately) fund a full time live in carer for six years, we do live in a country with a publicly funded healthcare system, which meant that the state met all of my mother's medical costs - doctor visits, nurse visits, community healthcare visits, pharmacy, medication, an electronically operated hospital bed, electronically operated air mattress, electronically operated hoist (all provided and serviced by the state), a Buxton-style armchair, and two weeks of state funded respite care per year to give family and carers a bit of a break (broken down as needed - we divided them into two breaks of a week each, as that worked better for us).

 

[Huntn]

My sympathies.

The best of luck.

However, I also feel for your father; personally, I'd rather shoot myself - actually, I'd rather die - than endure, or suffer, one minute of my life in those ghastly assisted-living places for the elderly, full of false cheer, forced company, and, above all, driven by the desire for profit.

We cared for my mother at home until the end (and cared for my father at home until five days before his death).

However, most fortunately, while we were able to (privately) fund a full time live in carer for six years, we do live in a country with a publicly funded healthcare system, which meant that the state met all of my mother's medical costs - doctor visits, nurse visits, community healthcare visits, pharmacy, medication, an electronically operated hospital bed, electronically operated air mattress, electronically operated hoist (all provided and serviced by the state), two weeks of state funded respite care per year to give family and carers a bit of a break (broken down as needed - we divided them into two breaks of a week each, as that worked better).

Thank you. I sincerely feel that assisted, voluntary peaceful suicide would be the answer for many elderly people. No one want to lose their mobility and independence, everyone has different limits, but once that limit is reached, I’d rather go, especially if I can go peacefully. My Aunt passed a year back and she was lucky enough to have a husband and daughter living with her to ease her though the transition. They had hospice come in for about a month at the end. They did an excellent job with pain management.

Allin all, it’s hard to say at this point if I’ll opt to take a return vacation in the Earth simulator.

 

[russell_314]

While I wouldn’t commit suicide because of personal beliefs I can understand why someone would do this.

In some varying degrees, your quality of life diminishes starting at 30. This is true at least from my experience. I can’t say what life is like at 90 because I’m not even close to that and seriously doubt that I will make it that far.

At my current state, I think the most important thing is finding purpose with your life. if you have zero purpose and you’re just waiting to die suicide becomes the obvious choice to hurry it up. I can’t speak of the perspective of having an older father because my dad died when I was younger. That was a rough patch in my life. Maybe you can help him find something he likes to do. It’s hard being so far away though

 

[taliz]

I'm just over 40 and starting to feel like I'm losing it. So many old injuries, everything hurts, and my brain is all foggy.
Wish I'd get to 96, but doubt I'll even get to half that age.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

While I wouldn’t commit suicide because of personal beliefs I can understand why someone would do this.

In some varying degrees, your quality of life diminishes starting at 30. This is true at least from my experience.

Not mine, I must say.

I can’t say what life is like at 90 because I’m not even close to that and seriously doubt that I will make it that far.

At my current state, I think the most important thing is finding purpose with your life. if you have zero purpose and you’re just waiting to die suicide becomes the obvious choice to hurry it up. I can’t speak of the perspective of having an older father because my dad died when I was younger. That was a rough patch in my life. Maybe you can help him find something he likes to do. It’s hard being so far away though

I'm just over 40 and starting to feel like I'm losing it.

Actually, I loved my thirties, and forties (and my mother had said the same of her own forties and fifties).

So many old injuries, everything hurts, and my brain is all foggy.
Wish I'd get to 96, but doubt I'll even get to half that age.

Maybe it is a matter of gender, - I'm a woman - or a matter of personal (and professional) perspective, but I am one of those who absolutely hated being young, - I loathed my teens, and wasn't all that much better in my twenties - and I didn't feel that I had grown into myself, or was comfortable in my own skin until I was well into my thirties and forties.

Actually, I must say that I actually increasingly enjoyed my thirties and forties - and once I had passed the proverbial half century - an awful lot more than I did my teens or twenties (though the latter were somewhat better than the former, especially as I inched towards my late twenties); they were fulfilling both personally and professionally, and I felt that I had finally (and fully) grown into myself, and was comfortable in myself.

 

[avro707]

I'm just over 40 and starting to feel like I'm losing it. So many old injuries, everything hurts, and my brain is all foggy.
Wish I'd get to 96, but doubt I'll even get to half that age.

Yes, at 40 things just don’t work as well as they used to. From physical activity I wouldn’t recover as quickly then next day, I’d have tired legs for instance.

I had a stupid accident then ended up badly injured and it took an age to recover, with permanent physical differences which impact my ability to do the sport I like.

While I worked damn hard to try and get back some of what I lost, it’s not the same and won’t be.

I can sympathise with those who just want to go in old age, especially those suffering a debilitating condition or disease.

For the person starting the topic - I’d see if there is something he likes doing, computer games or similar, keep the mind active.

 

[russell_314]

Not mine, I must say.

Well, everyone has to have their own beliefs. I honestly don’t think it will be necessary for me because I don’t suspect I’m going to live into my late 60s much less the 70s

Actually, I loved my thirties, and forties (and my mother had said the same of her own forties and fifties).

Maybe it is a matter of gender, - I'm a woman - or a matter of personal (and professional) perspective, but I am one of those who absolutely hated being young, - I loathed my teens, and wasn't all that much better in my twenties - and I didn't feel that I had grown into myself, or was comfortable in my own skin until I was well into my thirties and forties.

Actually, I must say that I actually increasingly enjoyed my thirties and forties - and once I had passed the proverbial half century - an awful lot more than I did my teens or twenties (though the latter were somewhat better than the former, especially as I inched towards my late twenties); they were fulfilling both personally and professionally, and I felt that I had finally (and fully) grown into myself, and was comfortable in myself.

I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. Woman generally take care of their bodies much better and seek medical care. Men also do more risky things like contact sports, jumping off roofs, going to other countries to fight wars, etc. I absolutely know some women do this as well, but men are more prone to do these crazy things. I suspect this has something to do with why our life is shorter.

 

[russell_314]

Yes, at 40 things just don’t work as well as they used to. From physical activity I wouldn’t recover as quickly then next day, I’d have tired legs for instance.

I had a stupid accident then ended up badly injured and it took an age to recover, with permanent physical differences which impact my ability to do the sport I like.

While I worked damn hard to try and get back some of what I lost, it’s not the same and won’t be.

I can relate to this!

I can sympathise with those who just want to go in old age, especially those suffering a debilitating condition or disease.

For the person starting the topic - I’d see if there is something he likes doing, computer games or similar, keep the mind active.

Great advice! Even at my age, I still force myself to be relevant. Without a purpose why am I living? You have to give yourself a purpose and some activities other than just waking up, going to work or not, then going to sleep.

 

[KaliYoni]

Two books related to this thread that I highly recommend, with the first best for planning and thinking and the second for practical advice:

Elderhood - Louise Aronson

louisearonson.com

The Caregiver's Encyclopedia

An indispensable, comprehensive reference for family caregivers.Caregivers hold the key to the health, well-being, and happiness of their aging relatives, partners, or friends. The Caregiver's Encyclopedia provides you with all of the information you need to take the best care of your loved...

press.jhu.edu

 

[GrayFlannel]

1. Voluntarily enter independent living
2. Voluntarily enter assisted living
3. Seek conservatorship
4. Someone move in with him

Hopefully his estate planning is complete.

 

[mmomega]

It can suck in old age, hopefully you keel over before your crawling on all fours or have lost your marbles, the entire sum of your life reduced to an echo. Go quick, don’t linger.

What brought this on? I’m currently providing moral support to my 96-year-old father who seems to be slipping fast, but not fast enough, at least not from his perspective. In his words, if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d go out back and eat a bullet . It’s heartbreaking, he lives in Florida, I live in Texas, I tried to get him to come live nearby in a senior facility about five years ago, and ultimately he refused.

He’s still sharpen enough to function, but lost regarding anything technical that he’s not already familiar with. He’s also still mobile but not very without oxygen, and while he knows what he should do, move to a senior center that can provide assisted-living, he keeps rebelling regarding this idea. Me and my brother are encouraging him to move to one of the many places he’s toured in the past, and he just can’t decide that it’s bad enough that he should. He understands the logic of the advantage of making this change on his terms, versus being forced into something less desirable, yet he can’t seem to make a decision other than to maintain the status quo as his health deteriorates.

Anyway, my brother, who now lives in Alaska is flying down there to go over financial records and hopefully talk him into taking the step towards the assisted-living. My plan is to go over there after, I’m hoping that he can make a decision so when I do come, I can physically help him with anything that he needs help with. The bad thing is he’s alone, I can stay there for a week but then I’ll be headed home. If I see a move on his part to transition into assisted-living, I could stay longer to help with that .

I remember @Scepticalscribe discussing this while back in regards to her mother, but not in the terms I’m using, more elegant.

* If a thread on this topic already exists, happy to see this moved to that thread.

Not to go on too long of a story, I just feel you brother.
I'm a fellow Texan and my aging father is on the East Coast as well and he has never even been able to make it to see my house.
It is getting tougher and tougher even for myself to make the trip to see him. We didn't have a very good relationship from my pre-teens until my children were born. We've since turned all that old luggage around and have a pretty great relationship now.
My step-brother lives on the same property and is more able to pitch in when needed.
But - thoughts, prayers, everything I can send towards your situation I am my friend. Personally I need more positive relationships these days than I did in my stupid youth years. Just hoping things work out for you and your pops in your favor in whatever way that means for y'all.

 

[Digital Dude]

This topic really hits home for me. I’m getting older, and with my physical impairments, I feel like it’s added about eight years to my age. Barring anything unexpected, I should be okay for a while, but I’ve already started planning ahead. I’d much rather have an in-home assistant than end up in a nursing facility.

I’ve told my son that if he ever puts me in one of those places, I’d find a way to exit—I just couldn’t handle that whole situation. I know it sounds strange, but if I reach that point vs. drop suddenly, I wouldn’t want to stick around anyway. ✌️

 

[mmomega]

This topic really hits home for me. I’m getting older, and with my physical impairments, I feel like it’s added about eight years to my age. Barring anything unexpected, I should be okay for a while, but I’ve already started planning ahead. I’d much rather have an in-home assistant than end up in a nursing facility.

I’ve told my son that if he ever puts me in one of those places, I’d find a way to end it—I just couldn’t handle that whole situation. I know it sounds strange, but if I reach that point vs. dropping suddenly, I wouldn’t want to stick around anyway. That’s just how I feel. ✌️

I've battled my demons even to recently - transitioning back into civilian world even after more than a decade still has not fully integrated back. I doubt I ever will be able to.
But I am working with a great therapist and we have even gone over this type of scenario and my only thing is, I would want a nice facility and I will do my best to move through that unless I got to a point where I have counted my final day, I have thought to have been at that point several times already but 'something' has kept me pushing forward.
Being blessed with another daughter after my first passed away completely unexpectedly has put a new purpose in my whole world. Maybe this is why I continue to find a purpose.
I still have the thoughts and internal struggles, but they are getting less than.
I also respect everyone else's personal thoughts on their own life. This -ish is just seriously too short even when I have had the thoughts of making it shorter, each time I come out of it with a different perspective.
I don't know how my time ends. I just wish I could push through and for sure make the best of it for myself and everyone around me. We shall see though. So far - so good it seems.
But for anyone that has never had to experience having to lose a child . . . that.... that is one thing I could not even want to put on my worst of enemies.

 

[avro707]

Great advice! Even at my age, I still force myself to be relevant. Without a purpose why am I living? You have to give yourself a purpose and some activities other than just waking up, going to work or not, then going to sleep.

When I was injured badly and not able to do what I normally do (I was stuck in bed for months) I found that if I didn't keep watching movies, reading, anything to keep my mind busy then I would starting thinking about the situation and get really down. People checking on me all the time (calling me up, etc) also helped a lot.

I dislike the idea of those nursing homes, or even those retirement villages because here we see all too often they treat the residents like rubbish. They take all the wealth of the residents then give back the absolute minimum in care, those people end up as prisoners in those places. Not at all nice.

Meanwhile the execs of those places live the high life in luxury.

Men also do more risky things like contact sports

I don't do contact sports, although the one I actually do will result in contact if I crash. Which I try not to do if possible. But if I didn't do that sport then what else would I do, just sit around doing nothing, getting unfit, unhappy, etc. I used to be unfit and damned if I'm going to be like that again if I can help it. That's my purpose that I need, without it, what's the point.

 

[GrayFlannel]

They take all the wealth of the residents then give back the absolute minimum in care, those people end up as prisoners in those places. Not at all nice.

Not quite a fair accusation, but it’s trendy.

Many residents rely on Medicare to cover the cost which requires them to deplete their assets first. That’s not the fault of the facility. Senior care is very expensive so if you want the best then you need to prepare for it just like retirement. If you are a family member you can be personally and financially involved.

 

[avro707]

The Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety found 30.8% of people experienced neglect. Next most common was emotional abuse at 22.6%, then physical abuse which was 5%. The latter included people reporting being restrained, not allowed out of their chair, bed or room or allowed outside, and or being hurt or treated roughly.

The Commission had 10,144 submissions and 6729 phone calls. Most common concerns were staffing, isolation and un-met needs. That's a pretty large number of people they dealt with.

I don't find anything trendy about that. If the residents are having to deplete their assets they have right to expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

What's also necessary is protections for staff who witness wrongdoing so they can feel free to report it without punishment.

 

[AlaskaMoose]

It can suck in old age, hopefully you keel over before your crawling on all fours or have lost your marbles, the entire sum of your life reduced to an echo. Go quick, don’t linger.

What brought this on? I’m currently providing moral support to my 96-year-old father who seems to be slipping fast, but not fast enough, at least not from his perspective. In his words, if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d go out back and eat a bullet . It’s heartbreaking, he lives in Florida, I live in Texas, I tried to get him to come live nearby in a senior facility about five years ago, and ultimately he refused.

He’s still sharpen enough to function, but lost regarding anything technical that he’s not already familiar with. He’s also still mobile but not very without oxygen, and while he knows what he should do, move to a senior center that can provide assisted-living, he keeps rebelling regarding this idea. Me and my brother are encouraging him to move to one of the many places he’s toured in the past, and he just can’t decide that it’s bad enough that he should. He understands the logic of the advantage of making this change on his terms, versus being forced into something less desirable, yet he can’t seem to make a decision other than to maintain the status quo as his health deteriorates.

Anyway, my brother, who now lives in Alaska is flying down there to go over financial records and hopefully talk him into taking the step towards the assisted-living. My plan is to go over there after, I’m hoping that he can make a decision so when I do come, I can physically help him with anything that he needs help with. The bad thing is he’s alone, I can stay there for a week but then I’ll be headed home. If I see a move on his part to transition into assisted-living, I could stay longer to help with that .

I remember @Scepticalscribe discussing this while back in regards to her mother, but not in the terms I’m using, more elegant.

* If a thread on this topic already exists, happy to see this moved to that thread.

I have no idea what to say in relation to your thoughts above, but can tell you about how my wife is handling her nearly 98-year old mother. See...her mother's mind is relatively in good shape, and she still takes care of herself, although she has to use a walker to move around. She would never consider living in one of the "assisted" living places, and wants to live in her house until she dies. She is a volunteer worker at the local museum where she does research, writes newspaper articles, and so on, both at the museum and at home. She also cooks her own meals, takes care of her household chores (laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.), and also handles her finances, shops at the local supermarket, does some gardening in her yard, and so on. A cat from the neighborhood comes to visit to socialize with her, and to take a nap on her sofa a couple of times each day.

She has several friends who attend the same church services. Some of these friends are realtors, some are retired preachers, lawyers, foresters, and so on. "They all" visit each other, since some of the old farts have cars; she does not have one. More than likely what keeps it alive is her daily mind and body activity; that's what I assume.

My wife and I live in the interior of Alaska. She visits her more twice per year for a period of two weeks each time, usually by the end of the Spring, and then in the Fall. She helps her mother with house chores, shopping, lawyer and medical visits, etc. She calls her mother once or twice per week, and both email and "snail-mail" each other often, but that is about it. If her mother says that she's not going to live at an assisted living place, nobody can convince her otherwise. What I find quite funny is that both my pretty wife and her old mother have the same rock-hard brain. "No" means "no" and that's it! mentality. But I am used to it already and can smile about it

 

[GrayFlannel]

I don't find anything trendy about that. If the residents are having to deplete their assets they have right to expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

Of course everyone should be treated with dignity and respect. If you don’t want to rely on their care plan carefully.

 

[Macky-Mac]

...Many residents rely on Medicare to cover the cost which requires them to deplete their assets first....

Maybe you're thinking of Medicaid? It's Medicaid, and not Medicare, that has "spend down" requirements for assets. They're different programs.

Both provide insurance coverage for medical treatment and will pay for inpatient treatment in hospitals and skilled nursing facilities, but only during treatment. They'll also pay for outpatient medical treatment but they're not housing programs for old people who need some non medical assistance

 

[GrayFlannel]

Maybe you're thinking of Medicaid?

Yes Medicaid.

 

[throAU]

I'm just over 40 and starting to feel like I'm losing it. So many old injuries, everything hurts, and my brain is all foggy.
Wish I'd get to 96, but doubt I'll even get to half that age.

I'm 47 and some of my best days of the past 20 years were just before covid when i would have been 41-43.

How? Why?

I got serious with lowering my weight. Dropped 20kg and hadn't felt as good since my 20s.

Its harder as you get older, and obviously injuries don't go away but carrying less weight around is definitely less hard on the rest of your body.

 

[Huntn]

While I wouldn’t commit suicide because of personal beliefs I can understand why someone would do this.

In some varying degrees, your quality of life diminishes starting at 30. This is true at least from my experience. I can’t say what life is like at 90 because I’m not even close to that and seriously doubt that I will make it that far.

At my current state, I think the most important thing is finding purpose with your life. if you have zero purpose and you’re just waiting to die suicide becomes the obvious choice to hurry it up. I can’t speak of the perspective of having an older father because my dad died when I was younger. That was a rough patch in my life. Maybe you can help him find something he likes to do. It’s hard being so far away though

I could see someone in constant pain when it gets bad enough, choosing to fast track…

My Father’s always been the independent type, although married to our mother (divorced), and second wife passed away, and third girlfriend would not move across country to live with him, she passed too, he’s now alone and mostly a loner.

“Finding something he likes to do“, here’s the issue, he’s been content with his life as long as he has his mind, health, and mobility. He’s losing his mobility and his health as far as physical abilities, plus his mental acuity is deteriorating. He can feed himself, go to store to stock up, clean himself, but the house is a mess. He has refused to have a cleaning service come in, because they cost too much. He’s still living the Great depression. Using the computer (PC) has basically become too difficult it’s constantly being infected and he constantly takes it in to a local computer store to have it cleaned. Mostly he no longer uses it and trying to talk him though an issue is an exercise in frustration. He’s not bed ridden, but his body is slowly shutting down.

Physically a strenuous chore is to walk to the mail box. He should be on O2 to aid with strength, recently was and found some relief, but decided he’s ready to go, so O2 disconnected as if this will hasten the process Of leaving this world. And he does not want any part of a retirement home, but the fact if he stays at his house, a point will be reached where he‘ll just waste away. At this point he’s close to the choice of assisted living, end up in the hospital, or tough out a rough death at home, because he can’t take care of himself.

The lucky ones are those who keel over dead before this point. 🤔

 

[PhoenixDown]

I am mid 40's and I am perhaps in the best health of my life. A lot of that involved finding the right doctor who would run the extra tests and knows the difference between FDA guidelines and optimal bloodwork results. If anyone here feels the way some of you suggest, I'd recommend doing a deep dive into this yourself and hopefully you'll find positive results.

@Huntn

I feel for what you are and your father are going through. If you and your brother are in a decent financial position, maybe hire a cleaner to come in once a week for him. Tell him its a christmas gift.

Also maybe see if you can replace the computer with an ipad (even an older one). Its so much more intuitive for the older generation although I understand your dad may not take to it.

 

[russell_314]

He’s always been the independent type, although married to our mother (divorced), and second wife passed away, and third girlfriend would not move across country to live with him, she passed too, he’s now alone and mostly a loner.

“Finding something he likes to do“, here’s the issue, he’s been content with his life as long as he has his mind, health, and mobility. He’s losing his mobility and his health as far as physical abilities, plus his mental acuity is deteriorating. He can feed himself, go to store to stock up, clean himself, but the house is a mess. He has refused to have a cleaning service come in, because they cost too much. He’s still living the Great depression. Using the computer (PC) has basically become too difficult it’s constantly being infected and he constantly takes it in to a local computer store to have it cleaned. Mostly he no longer uses it and trying to talk him though an issue is an exercise in frustration. He’s not bed ridden, but his body is slowly shutting down.

Physically a strenuous chore is to walk to the mail box. He should be on O2 to aid with strength, recently was and found some relief, but decided he’s ready to go, so O2 disconnected as if this will hasten the process Of leaving this world. And he does not want any part of a retirement home, but the fact if he stays at his house, a point will be reached where he‘ll just waste away. At this point he’s close to the choice of assisted living, end up in the hospital, or tough out a rough death at home, because he can’t take care of himself.

The lucky ones are those who keel over dead before this point. 🤔

Yeah, it’s kind of hard to survive if you can’t move very much. As Phoenix says, maybe try the iPad although he may not be able to hold it so would definitely recommend tough case.

You could always go there for a couple days to help him clean, but some people don’t want help so I don’t know if that would work. Maybe it will make him feel better if his surroundings are cleaner. Sometimes people get depressed because they are stuck in a bad house

I doubt not using the oxygen will shorten his life, but it’s going to make it more difficult. I use a CPAP and although I know it’s not the same thing, when I don’t use it I feel lethargic and get headaches during the day.