Same here, almost 40. Well, at least I'll soon be senile enough not to realise that I've gone senile.
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The End Of Your Life
- Thread starter Huntn
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Same here, almost 40. Well, at least I'll soon be senile enough not to realise that I've gone senile.
The issue has become not one of being entertained, but taking care of the basics of living, assisted living seems to be the only answer. Of note, no one in the family wants him to move in with them, and I don’t think he wants that either. Five years ago, I tried to get him to move close by, as I’m surrounded by senior living facilities, but he refused, did not want to leave an area he was familiar with. If he was local, I could see him often, and take care of his computer woes, but he refuses.
My brother is there now. When I’m there I do clean. I have mentioned iPad as an option, and will explore that with him on my next visit. That should remove the getting infected issue. The thing is, I can see the iPad being a challenge, but the good thing is that would be relatively simple to talk though issues.
I’m 71. My dad is 25 years older than me.
I agree that after 30 things start changing noticibly, where the reality is that they have been changing your whole life, but after 30 a long slow slide begins, this is where your metabolism may slow down, and a routine that once kept you slim and trim (me) starts fading, or physical issues may arise and pounds start to accumulate. I never wore out my knees as some runners I knew. By college, I already discovered running as an exercise (thank you high school football) and I could eat whatever I wanted and stay at 160 lb (5’10”). At that point, I was semi-destsinful of “fat” people as in, it’s not that hard to stay slim. 😳 It was around 30, with the same routine, run 5 miles 3x a week, when very slowly I started gaining weight.
I’d say through 60, with the slide, still I was not really hindered in what I wanted to do, but now I weigh 220 lbs, my back won’t allow me to run, I work out swim/gym 3 times a week, and I’m still 220. I’m extremely disappointed, I don’t eat that much, but clearly too much for my age.
My consolation is thinking about what shape I’d be if I was not working out. I had my first serious health crisis at 70. My short term memory is shot. I rely heavily on notes to help me with a variety of tasks, shopping list, keeping up with the bills, how to rebuild a computer which I just did. It was at 71 where the heat outside started to bother me, and physically I’m harder pressed to accomplish physical tasks, I either hit a wall of exhaustion or my back bothers me. From here, I anticipate the deterioration will accelerate. But all is good with me mentally, just part of this life. Heading out the door to swim. 🙃
I have thought a bit about what you wrote, that your father said.
When I was 48, and realised I was soon going to be 50. I felt a jolt. And told people at work that I was not going to keep on living after I was 50. Because I felt to lonely, and there was nothing I felt giving me some meaning in life.
The strange thing is. When I was 49, I started to find friends. And I felt good enough about life, that I started to plan for years to come. I had a reason to live. I am now about to start my 58th year
And I try to help others, from just being kind and giving encouragement. To supporting with living expenses.
I lost a younger brother in 2017, and my mother last year. And both of them lived on until their bodies broke down completely. It is unimaginable for me to keep hanging on by a thread, like they did. It served no purpose at all. My mother starved herself to death. And I told her two weeks before she passed on, that I respected her choice. She clearly didn't wish to live, at 74 years old. I fear my youngest half-sister might have destroyed our mother's will to live completely.
So, back to your father. If people who are close to him, can keep him feeling valuable, and that he has a purpose for living. He might hold on.
On the other hand. With how the world looks like at this time, he might decide to check out, and return at some point in the future. In a hopefully better world.
It must be very strange to have lived through all these years, to see it going back to the dark times again
I wonder if it is only that he is afraid to do it. Or if there is something that he actually appreciates and values about his life, which keeps him struggling along?
When I was 48, and realised I was soon going to be 50. I felt a jolt. And told people at work that I was not going to keep on living after I was 50. Because I felt to lonely, and there was nothing I felt giving me some meaning in life.
The strange thing is. When I was 49, I started to find friends. And I felt good enough about life, that I started to plan for years to come. I had a reason to live. I am now about to start my 58th year
And I try to help others, from just being kind and giving encouragement. To supporting with living expenses.
I lost a younger brother in 2017, and my mother last year. And both of them lived on until their bodies broke down completely. It is unimaginable for me to keep hanging on by a thread, like they did. It served no purpose at all. My mother starved herself to death. And I told her two weeks before she passed on, that I respected her choice. She clearly didn't wish to live, at 74 years old. I fear my youngest half-sister might have destroyed our mother's will to live completely.
So, back to your father. If people who are close to him, can keep him feeling valuable, and that he has a purpose for living. He might hold on.
On the other hand. With how the world looks like at this time, he might decide to check out, and return at some point in the future. In a hopefully better world.
It must be very strange to have lived through all these years, to see it going back to the dark times again
In reality, being overweight or obese is like having a young person inside an old body. It can be quite difficult for most of us to admit this truth. I had no choice but to change my eating habits after being diagnosed with the initial stages of having a fat liver, and now feel a lot better after losing 32 pounds (around 14k). All I have to do from now on is to maintain my present weight while increasing daily activity, all within a healthy diet. I am quite older compared to a lot of you in this thread, and not a very tall person
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In relation to the OP and his father, one of the problems most people face is not being able to see outside of the mental bubble we live in. We become so accustomed to the things we do each day, our surroundings, and so on, that we are unable to understand that there is another world outside of the bubble. That said, every one of us is different from another. In this case, what one may believe "as being the best action for another person to take" is not always true.
The OP is facing great difficulties at the moment, but at least the dialogue all are having in this thread can offer some relief. One thing for certain: he will have to cross that bridge when the time comes. Most of us will eventually face difficult life events like this as we age.
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Have you done all of the legal work - healthcare directive, power of attorney, will, trust, etc.?
Very good - and relevant - point.
At the very least, do try to discuss it.
While my father was totally mentally lucid - and clear - until the day before he died, which meant that he was completely competent - my mother had dementia, and that meant that we needed to head to the High Court (there were no problems, but it was a necessary procedure in the circumstances) in order to obtain an Enduring Power of Attorney.
A number of years earlier, realising that her abilities were declining, my mother had asked me to accompany her to a formal meeting with her bank, where she requested that I be added as a co-signatory - with full access and permission to deal with - her accounts and financial affairs.
For future reference, they say if you know you’re slipping, you don’t have Alzheimer’s. But at 40 you’re way to young for that. 🙃
Sometimes it is like I am given an answer, when I wonder how to give aid to someone.
I have that feeling now, when I found this web site via an article concerning a woman that was born blind, but had full 360 degree vision during her near death experience.
I learned about NDE when I was young, and read a book written by Raymond A. Moody.
Well others are still researching this phenomena.
www.nderf.org
I looked at some reports with exceptional NDEs. One can read the full report by choosing one in the long list of excerpts.
I hope this will be of help Huntn
I have that feeling now, when I found this web site via an article concerning a woman that was born blind, but had full 360 degree vision during her near death experience.
I learned about NDE when I was young, and read a book written by Raymond A. Moody.
Well others are still researching this phenomena.
NDERF Home Page
Near Death Experience Research Foundation the largest collection of Near Death Experiences (NDE) in over 23 Languages. With thousands of full-text near death experiences posted. Share your near death experience, research, spiritually transforming events, consciousness studies, extensive...
I looked at some reports with exceptional NDEs. One can read the full report by choosing one in the long list of excerpts.
I hope this will be of help Huntn
My impression, he’s unable to perform such an act of violence on himself. I feel that consciousness is something that’s very difficult to let go of, based on the unknown. You might think that the “promise” of heaven could be a motivator to go. He’s not religious, and although I’ve discussed it with him, I’m not actually sure how spiritual he is. He believes he’s part of the universe, that everything dies or is in a constant state of change and that he will continue to be part of the universe.I have thought a bit about what you wrote, that your father said.
I wonder if it is only that he is afraid to do it. Or if there is something that he actually appreciates and values about his life, which keeps him struggling along?
When I was 48, and realised I was soon going to be 50. I felt a jolt. And told people at work that I was not going to keep on living after I was 50. Because I felt to lonely, and there was nothing I felt giving me some meaning in life.
The strange thing is. When I was 49, I started to find friends. And I felt good enough about life, that I started to plan for years to come. I had a reason to live. I am now about to start my 58th year
And I try to help others, from just being kind and giving encouragement. To supporting with living expenses.
I lost a younger brother in 2017, and my mother last year. And both of them lived on until their bodies broke down completely. It is unimaginable for me to keep hanging on by a thread, like they did. It served no purpose at all. My mother starved herself to death. And I told her two weeks before she passed on, that I respected her choice. She clearly didn't wish to live, at 74 years old. I fear my youngest half-sister might have destroyed our mother's will to live completely.
So, back to your father. If people who are close to him, can keep him feeling valuable, and that he has a purpose for living. He might hold on.
On the other hand. With how the world looks like at this time, he might decide to check out, and return at some point in the future. In a hopefully better world.
It must be very strange to have lived through all these years, to see it going back to the dark times again
I’m Agnostic, but also spiritual. I view this life as one stage of a journey. If you look at an infinite time line, the idea that we achieve consciousness for the equivalent of a second, and for all internity before and after, cease to exist, what is the point? There would be ZERO point, everything you, your family, every human on the planet knew would mean nothing, have zero purpose. If that is the terms of our existence, might as well get back to our true state, non-existing. It could be, the jokes on us. So while I can see the attraction of religion, I choose to believe there is more, just don’t ask me what. 😝 For myself, I fully support voluntary, peaceful, suicide. When it’s time to go, you should be able to.
30 years ago or so, he chose to move from family, what family there was. I was out traveling the world, 2 sons there, a brother in law. Now one son, that he does not really stay in touch living in Winterhaven, Florida as the senior most member of the local seniors club, he says he’s hands off, people are friendly, but no one wants to be real friends because he’s next in line to go. It reminds me of portrayals of war, where soldiers don’t want friends because they don’t want the pain of losing someone.
I’m very similiar to my father, I’ve become more anti-social as I’ve gotten older. I feel he is a projection of me 25 years into the future. What pleases me? First I’m financially comfortable, but far from wealthy. A partner, I’ve been married to 44 years, although at times we fight like cats and dogs, intellectually intrigued, entertained, we have traveled a good deal of the world. I’’ve always been into art and illustration, but never really done anything substantial with it. After retiring, I messed around with Unreal Engine for almost 2 years until I came to the realization that my short term memory is shot, and what I wanted to accomplish in Unreal Engine, a nature virtual environment, was a bit beyond me. The good thing, is I can watch a season of entertaining TV and a year later enjoy it again! 😜 I’m almost completely reliant on extensive note taking for projects, but I just rebuilt my computer, so I’ve learned to mitigate. What really pleases me is escapism via video gaming, where I can go on adventures, been traveling the Universe..
In comparison, Dad has his yard, which he enjoyed working in when he has energy, infrequent dinners with the seniors, talking with 2 of his sons, and entertainment via TV when he’s not railing at the political news. It’s when basic bodily functions become a challenge that party seems to be dimming, and it’s time for him to decide, if he’s going to crumple now, or take steps to prolong his visit to The Earth Simulator.
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Not near death, but I‘ve pushed this story as highly intriguing, if anything it gives food for thought about reincarnation:Sometimes it is like I am given an answer, when I wonder how to give aid to someone.
I have that feeling now, when I found this web site via an article concerning a woman that was born blind, but had full 360 degree vision during her near death experience.
I learned about NDE when I was young, and read a book written by Raymond A. Moody.
Well others are still researching this phenomena.
NDERF Home Page
Near Death Experience Research Foundation the largest collection of Near Death Experiences (NDE) in over 23 Languages. With thousands of full-text near death experiences posted. Share your near death experience, research, spiritually transforming events, consciousness studies, extensive...
I looked at some reports with exceptional NDEs. One can read the full report by choosing one in the long list of excerpts.
I hope this will be of help Huntn
Past Life Regression Story of Carroll Beckwith | Robert Snow - Reincarnation Research
A regression of a retired Captain to prove the veracity of memories. The journey into the past is documented in a book, Looking for Carroll Beckwith, a totally honest, humorous and candid recollection of his regression journey.
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Sorry to hear about your situation. My parents are both getting on and live in different parts of the country to me.
I speak to them every week (multiple times for my Dad), but only get to see them about once a year for a few hours.
Not ideal. As their health deteriorates I worry for their future.
As for my own twilight years I’ll carry on living in my house until they carry me out in a box. Mrs AFB feels exactly the same way. Neither of us will be going to a care home. That would be my idea of hell and worse for Mrs AFB.
I speak to them every week (multiple times for my Dad), but only get to see them about once a year for a few hours.
Not ideal. As their health deteriorates I worry for their future.
As for my own twilight years I’ll carry on living in my house until they carry me out in a box. Mrs AFB feels exactly the same way. Neither of us will be going to a care home. That would be my idea of hell and worse for Mrs AFB.
Thank you for the link. I read the story.Not near death, but I‘vr pushed this story as highly intriguing, if anything it gives food for though about reincarnation:
Past Life Regression Story of Carroll Beckwith | Robert Snow - Reincarnation Research
A regression of a retired Captain to prove the veracity of memories. The journey into the past is documented in a book, Looking for Carroll Beckwith, a totally honest, humorous and candid recollection of his regression journey.www.reincarnationresearch.com
Ian Stevenson (M.D) researched reincarnation cases all over the world. But I had not heard about his particular case.
I have the Twenty Cases Suggestive of Reincarnation, second edition 1974, written by him.
If you are into this stuff, I suppose you know about Edgar Cayce, and A.R.E..
I feel it is not important to be religious, especially these days. All the more important that one is spiritual, I believe.
Religion can become dogmatic, and the institution starts to have its own agenda.
I am more gnostic, to be honest. But I second your statement.
I looked at the timespan of the universe, and when science calculate events that led to the present.
It seems very reasonable to me that we struggle in this temporal consciousness that is limited to this realm.
If we existed since the universe began, and just started to have a physical consciousness as humans. We really are like toddlers.
Our true self is in the sub- and super- consciousness. But we can learn to remember and connect to the subconscious mind in part through remembering our dreams, as one wakes up. And in my experience, that strengthens the intuition as well.
Meditation and other means could also be beneficial, in much the same way.
Who we truly are, is something I spent all my adult life trying to understand. I do not expect to know (in this life), but I am happy with the progress I've made so far. We all have an eternity ahead of us. So why not try to set a path that one would like to follow?
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@Huntn - I appreciate your being willing to discuss this topic here. I'm 50 and my parents are late 70's. My dad has broken his neck twice (and walks like it) but still tries to be the farmer he has been. (I think he has finally come to grips that he needs to put down the chain saw.) My mom is...slipping. They snowbird in Florida, but live not far from me. They do better in Florida - less stress, better weather, more exercise. I worry about them. But even in Florida, I can get there fairly quickly.
But then I think about myself. My wife is disabled. I'm 10(ish) years from retirement. We never had kids, so we are pretty much going to be on our own. Being a caregiver to your own spouse comes with it's own issues and if I'm going to honest I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for our (her and my) parents. I don't know what this is going to look like 10, 20 years out. I am sure it won't be the retirement I dreamed of when I was in my 30's.
But then I think about myself. My wife is disabled. I'm 10(ish) years from retirement. We never had kids, so we are pretty much going to be on our own. Being a caregiver to your own spouse comes with it's own issues and if I'm going to honest I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for our (her and my) parents. I don't know what this is going to look like 10, 20 years out. I am sure it won't be the retirement I dreamed of when I was in my 30's.
Having no family around is one of my concerns when I get old. It wasn’t our plan either, but it’s the hand we have been dealt.
This!
Having lost both parents in the last few years, I would really emphasize this point. As hard as it can be to get the ducks all in a row, I can assure you that it is harder after they are gone.
Don't forget about insurance policies, income taxes, property taxes, bank accounts, social security, other retirement accounts, and any other assets.
When the moment comes, get about 10 death certificates. I made the mistake of getting a few, and had to go back, which is a pain...much wiser to get extra the first time and be done with it.
As my dad aged and lost his ability to manage his affairs and finances and I took over, the best things I did:
1. Use a password manager (Bitwarden) to keep all his account credentials, and have them with me at all times via my phone....you never know when you will need access at a moment's notice.
2. Set up a new Gmail account that I controlled (in his name) and moved all notifications, billing, and Identity management stuff to this new account. He had always used a free ISP-provided account, which could cause access issues to records, history, and ID verification if that account was closed, locked, etc. With a separate Gmail account, all of his stuff was neat and automated and segmented away from my accounts.
3. Same for any multi-factor authentication: changed them all to my phone.
4. Get Power of Attorney docs out to banks and services BEFORE they pass. Much easier than after, not to mention being covered if they become incapacitated.
I should add that Hospice care was great, much better than any of the doctors or hospitals. If I had to do it over again, I would have started hospice care much sooner. It was a real blessing. He was only in Hospice care for a couple of months, but could have been for up to 2 years. In his case, I should have started it 6 months sooner. Don't wait until the very end.
They really did take great care of him and made him comfortable, as well as oversee the assisted living folks. Error on the side of too early, not too late. Hospice was the single biggest attribute available that we did not leverage as much as we could have.
They really did take great care of him and made him comfortable, as well as oversee the assisted living folks. Error on the side of too early, not too late. Hospice was the single biggest attribute available that we did not leverage as much as we could have.
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If you can say the Carroll Beckwith story is an honest, accurate description, it absolutely establishes reincarnation as something that exists, yet the “if” as always is huge, and it boils down to the testimony of one person who had a hypnotic life regression experience. I tend to give it credence because the story starts with someone who is a skeptic, who records the session, and then stumbles across a painting, that he had painted in his former life, that had always been in a private collection, so it’s not as if he had seen it before to recall it in the session.
I’m happy to admit that this is like a movie plot and does not prove a thing, and that ultimately, I can only say it’s a good story that gives me hope. Yet, that said, I’m not that excited about returning to the Earth simulator to do this all over again, that is if there are other conscious options. 🙃
My feeling is much like yours. And I know the spheres in our solar system has their own realms, with different number of dimensions available. From my understanding, it is like a university with different faculties.
"Graduating" this university, other solar systems are available for further development.
I guess none of us would like to have stayed in kinder-garden, or primary school most of our lives. We need change as we develop.
The lack of change because we have become "slaves" to be able to support our lives, might be one reason why we despair? We are no longer free. We have monthly payments to service. Either through rent, or credit. Although I have neither, so perhaps that's why I take this view on freedom. But everyone around me seems to be very much trapped.
Looking at small children teaches me how to valuate this life. They are so full of joy for this life. So I understand that I would be just like them, if I were to return.
They just arrived to this realm, and haven't been enslaved yet.
The personality we have, belongs to that life. We might have a similar personality in another life, but not exactly the same. Or a very different personality.
Our individuality is our true identity, be it known to us or not. And we can fight it if we wish. We can also hide it from others, and only present our personality.
If we don't know it, we and others around us might be very surprised if we behave very out of character on rare occasions.
The ancient world knew more about this than we do in the western world.
The old greeks believed Zeus was the father of a few of their heroes. Would it sound so strange to us, if they instead said they came from Jupiter? Or that someone came from Venus? or Mars?
How would we see ourselves, if this was a common view in our modern world?
And can we do something to help us get back to a particular realm, when we leave this life? Or is it outside our influence as to which one we end up in?
This is exactly my father. If I outlast my wife, this very well could be me too.
Here’s an update. My brother who is with him now, yesterday they visited a facility, with nice accomodations. The buy in is $100k (on sale this month for $80k) and then $3k per month, and more $ when you get into the assisted living mode. If you die with 2 years, some portion of the $100k is reimbursed to the Estate. Other, less nice facilities run about $4-6k per month.
Initially Dad seemed to like it, but cancelled the next 2 appointments at other facilities, and said forget it. He staying put. Note, he still drives and goes to the store, 1/2 mile away on secondary roads, and on occasion drives 20 miles to a neighboring town.
So now we are looking at other options of support:
- Get portable O2- this is a long story going back 4 years, where he’sbeen told he absolutely needs it and he is yes and no. Currently there is O2 in the house, but he really needs a portable unit. Working on that.
- Weekly or bi-monthly cleaning service (he had this before he got into political talk with the cleaner and she quit).
- Food brought to the house- Door dash or meals on wheels.
- A Visiting Angels type service, for elderly peoples where they come into your house as often as you want to assist with whatever you need help with, paid by the hour. This would extend into assisted living type help.
I’d have thought a mixture of the above might work. Just make sure the next cleaner doesn’t speak English. Then you’re covered on the political stuff!
Good luck with it.