Did you mean to say..."Only a real man would use saliva straight from the tongue as a universal cleaner and scratch remover." None of this licking the cloth stuff here!!
The proper response is "No, it's your rear end that makes you look fat, not the pants". My s/o has stopped asking.
On topic. I'll generally "spot clean" my LCDs on, e.g. when someone has sneezed on one, but will turn 'em off when doing preventative/general cleaning with iKlear.