I wrote a book lol.
TL;DR: think deeply about MP. The impact and cost is broad and often hidden. Often there is a better, rational, healing and productive path forward.
Circumstance is everything in regards to MP. Obviously as we have been chatting about this, it runs the gamut from poor choice of words to emotional trauma all the way to death. When my third son was born, my wife tested positive for HIV. This was incredibly traumatic to the entire family. How did this happen? Was my wifes prior surgery that included blood transfusion tainted? Do I have it? This surgery was before any children so do all of our children have HIV? As her husband, my fidelity was questioned in front of her by a series of docs - that was not fun for me. It turned out that my wife was fine (HIV negative) but does suffer from auto immune disease (which we knew already) and threw off the result of the test.
Regardless, my wife and our NB child were held hostage at the hospital for weeks while this was figured out. My new born son was subjected to countless sticks which he does not remember obviously, but my two older sons DID witness this and him screaming at the top of his lungs and my wife with all of the post-partum hormones crying - this scared them and made them cry - emotional trauma out the whazzoo right there.
Why did this happen and why was it not caught earlier? Turns out the OBGYN she was seeing missed this on a blood test report in 2nd trimester. All of that could have been avoided had she read the report correctly. I know this doc and the others in this womens care practice. She is a fantastic OBNGYN. She worked with my mom who is a retired anesthesiologist for a decade. She is not only competent but excellent at what she does and yes, she made a mistake. A mistake that I could have absolutely sued the shizzle out of her and the hospital and won.
I did not do this. Why? Because we are human and even the best of us makes mistakes. It happens at all levels of service. Unlike Mr.Fanboy, she acknowledged her error and apologized profusely to us. It was genuine. I asked her how she and the team moving forward will ensure this does not happen again (become better from it) and she laid out the discussion that she, the practice and the hospital will have from this at their next morning meeting (they have daily morning meetings to discuss what is going on, has happened, issues, successes and that days book of business). I did not sue them. I probably could have threatened lawsuit and gotten a settlement of 7-10k easily w/o representation. Anyways, as spoken to earlier, I did not do that either. I'm not going to potentially trash a tenured, competent medical professional's career and ability to practice for what effectively is money which is completely unethical to me. Not going to do it.
I have watched others go through MP and despite settlements, it rarely is satisfying or a healing/learning affair for either party - just makes everyone bitter and angry to the world. Having many doctors and medical professionals in my own family and friends of mine, I opted for discussion, concerns and communicated best practices (like posting about my wifes auto-immune / HIV false test reaction in various medical journals and their own amended internal processes to prevent this moving forward) as an amenable solution to our experience. Frankly, I was most upset about my family being held hostage (what it felt like) for over 3 weeks at the hospital (baby was banded with a door alarm ankle bracelet) while the medical figured out what was going on. Truthfully it was a conversation with multiple specialists across multiple teams coast to coast, but were ultimately able to dial in on what happened.
If the medical professional is truly incompetent, MP is a way to hold them accountable to their incompetence and prevent others from falling victim. In this case, this doc and their team as I spoke to earlier are 110% competent - excellent in fact, but human none the less and did make a mistake. My boys are all doing well - We talked it through with them, listened to their concerns and why and talked through it. It was a real learning experience for them in regards to medical care, being human, being brave and understanding. My wife, naturally, was very unhappy about the series of errors that led to the 3+ week hospital staycation while they figured it out and the trauma to our family but the hospital did cover all of that cost and offered therapy for the family which we refused. We were more than capable and ready to help our boys to process emotionally and understand what happened and felt that conversation needed to come from us directly, not a third party. Our little guy is doing fantastic as well. He's a healthy and happy 2y/o. Anyhow, this was such a rare circumstance/event that we understood the why piece and rationale of the duration very well.
Think deeply about MP, its impact, how it intersects with your own morality prior to moving forward or not. Often, there is a more rational, serving and healing path forward.