Like I said, I am not in the habit of being disagreeable with anyone. I've worked in CS as well. I'm well aware that CS reps are human beings and the difficulties of the job.
If you were adjusting the level of CS you were providing according to your "mood", I'm glad you moved on to other endeavours.
I still do it but in a managerial mode and under a contractual environment.
How has Apple "tried to offer help"? If a customer lives far away from the nearest service center Apple should allow mail in, period, end of sentence. It is how they do it here in Japan. Why should he have to drive over an hour each way to have Apple replace a part they're recalling as defective?
"Get off his duff"?? OK, sure.
They offered to come to his place. What the OP has yet to tell us is if they have someone close enough to do it, not that they wouldn't. This is something that he didn't pay for up front but hey were attempting to make it happen even with his poor attitude. Japan is a lot smaller than the USA and shipping a huge computer is not an endeavor they are willing to do here (perhaps it is because the carriers here use parcels as footballs). Either way, this is easily solved by the OP driving to the newest service center and getting it repaired. I'm willing to bet there is something nearby but he hasn't looked.
As for getting off his duff, yep, that is exactly what he needs to do. He bought a product, it has issues, go get it fixed.