3.) iPads and iPhones get better protective treatment because they look amazing and I want them to stay that way.
I usually agree with you, but I have to say that I never use screen protectors on my iPhones and iPads (I used a few that give a paper feel to the screen, but not for protection) and they stay looking amazing. That glass is seriously scratch resistant, I even barely have micro-scratches that you see under direct lamp light. You do what you want, ofc, but in my opinion you don't really have to use screen protectors.
Personally, I think they are completely uneccessary, but people still use them all the time and I guess there is an entire industry behind them.
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They do not have to be soldered in to be thin, connectors can be thinner than the components and very small. .
There is more to it than thinness, and of course, some of it plays nicely to their overall business strategy, but most devices these days are soldered and closed because that's what makes them non-squeeky, premium-feeling, solid, thin and sleek devices that, yes, people want. Your conclusions are wrong and your attitude is aggressive towards people who disagree with you.