The 8 is legacy and old, old technology. The XR is shiny and new
It's obvious that you don't seem to care about real life performance or specs. Just design. The 8 is only 1 gen behind the XR so speed differences will not be a major factor until the early 2020s. Just because the design is similar to the 6 and 7 doesn't mean anything. Some people don't care what the back of the phone looks like.
For OP, I would go for the 8+ 256, if not just for the extra space. Second lens would be nice too.
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My bad. No point in removing 3D Touch if there's the Taptic Engine...
I think the tech that makes 3d Touch work is in the display portion of the phone, the taptic engine is just for the feedback you feel.