So the wife gave me permission to buy an iPad ...

[TraceyS/FL]

Yes, thats correct.
For me it is the fairness that I want from the relationship. If we both contribute 40% of our wages then its fair in my opinion. (yes, there might be cases when not but that can be sorted too).

As others mention too, it gets tricky when you get kids and I agree that this model will be unusable. (haven't been there yet though)
I think what is then fair that the husband "gives" salary to his wife for the hard work she does with the kids and then he pays for the household. That way, the woman has some money she can spend the way she wants and there is no resentment on either side as both have their own money they can spend in their own way. It gives certain amount of freedom to each other.

As I said, with kids it gets really tricky and there is really no simple or right answer. Just a different approach as no one can really put value on the hard work the woman does when looking after the kids (and trust me, it is hard work)

But yes, as others mention, whatever makes you happy and works for you is fine. I just disagree with the model that OP has but we are all different so good luck. )

P.s.: I would wait for the next revision unless you don't need the camera or anything that is missing from the current one.

Just as long as you are then doing equal housework, cooking, and all those other household chores too. you know, the ones everyone thinks are normally womans work to do even when she is working outside the home too....

Kids throw a whole other dimension in and you can't predict where that will go. Trust me on this one. Heck, even after a birth trauma you think all is good without complications and they don't start getting diagnosed until the child is 10. Or the lifelong complications from a genetic disorder that didn't get diagnosed until she was 7.

Kids are the monkey wrench in the best laid plans.... And i wouldn't trade mine and their issues for anything.

Anyway, respect and communication. Keep those and all will go better!

 

[TraceyS/FL]

This is sort of the situation with me and my boyfriend now. We are both in our late 20s and we were both on our own before we moved in together. (Maybe not a long time...I was living by myself for 3 years and he was living with roommates for 8 years before we moved in together)....

And gee, I see an iPad typo in there (my response), WORKED not irked. Ugh.

Anyway, what is interesting around here is that my "husband" has never lived on his own and supported/ran a house.

He lived at home, with one sister, then another sister, back home and then into our home. He only worked for his spending money and car.

Gee, imagine that, the only two things he thinks he is working for now....

I'm too cynical for a relationship right now, but i do know what i want and what questions to ask. Like someone said further up, i can be miserable alone if i want... And I'd much rather be that right now! LOL!!

I keep looking and relationships that work though and seeing what makes them stand the test of time.... Helps me figure out where mine went wrong.

ETA: more ive been pondereing...

on the part of not telling someone they cant hqve the $700 car, you should have a say in it because it can have a huge impact on your overall financial picture and debt ratio, which impacts buying a house and such.

What if the person had run up CC debt and was using their portion to pay it? i had a friend whose DH did this... The credit cards were in his name so she had no clue where he was spending his money (he had a gambling problem for the record). But he lost the right to free reign on his share of the money after she had to fix his mess.

Anyway.... I need lunch!

 

[nixiemaiden]

on the part of not telling someone they cant hqve the $700 car, you should have a say in it because it can have a huge impact on your overall financial picture and debt ratio, which impacts buying a house and such.

What if the person had run up CC debt and was using their portion to pay it? i had a friend whose DH did this... The credit cards were in his name so she had no clue where he was spending his money (he had a gambling problem for the record). But he lost the right to free reign on his share of the money after she had to fix his mess.

The reason I gave the example of the 700 car payment is because my boyfriend is a car lover and I don't care about cars. He would rather have a sports car and very little money to play around with after all the expenses that come with it. I on the other hand would prefer a cheap reliable car that gets me from point a to point b and be able to buy a cute pair of shoes I see or whatever.

I mean if there was no way to afford the 700 payment it would be out of the question because obviously there are priorities.

As far as the cc thing...If anyone did that to me I would kill them. How we do it is I pay all of the utilities, half our rent, half the utilities, subtract half utilities from rent, give him the remainder of rent money, then he pays rent. If he somehow violated my trust and didn't pay we wouldn't have a relationship. Financial responsibility is a must.

 

[TraceyS/FL]

The reason I gave the example of the 700 car payment is because my boyfriend is a car lover and I don't care about cars. He would rather have a sports car and very little money to play around with after all the expenses that come with it. I on the other hand would prefer a cheap reliable car that gets me from point a to point b and be able to buy a cute pair of shoes I see or whatever.

I mean if there was no way to afford the 700 payment it would be out of the question because obviously there are priorities.

The thing is though is that car loans are allowed to be so much of your income, that infamous debt/income ratio.

So the bank will loan you say up to 25% of your income for a car payment.

But then 6 months later you decide to buy a house.... That same bank will then say, but your car payment is too high, your debt/income on the car can't be more than 10% and won't give you a home loan until you pay it off or get it lower or something.

It's the banking game. So by not having decisions like that be joint on how they have the potential to impact the big picture for the long term, it can really hurt you at times.

Because like it or not, the bank doesn't look at it and say well you are fine with your money, but he needs to fix his. They say, fix YOUR ratio.

[/quote]As far as the cc thing...If anyone did that to me I would kill them. How we do it is I pay all of the utilities, half our rent, half the utilities, subtract half utilities from rent, give him the remainder of rent money, then he pays rent. If he somehow violated my trust and didn't pay we wouldn't have a relationship. Financial responsibility is a must.[/QUOTE]

I would have killed him too. She found out when they tried to refi for some home improvement projects.

I couldn't do the roommate with benefits for very long. I've lived that way long enough in my marriage trying to make it work. I just need more - otherwise, Separate residences.

 

[Mitchrapp]

I guess I'm old fashion. Regrdless who makes the money, it all goes in the same joint account and is equally shared. My wife doesn't work, but it's still our money. She does more with the kids and that certainly is more work than a 9 to 5 job.

And it's not about "please wifey can I buy an iPad", it's about responsibility. As in "do you think we can do this". Big purchases we're talking about. I'm certainly not asking her if I can watch a football game, because hell or high water I'm watching the game .

 

[nixiemaiden]

I couldn't do the roommate with benefits for very long. I've lived that way long enough in my marriage trying to make it work. I just need more - otherwise, Separate residences.

I don't really consider my relationship roommates with benefits....I was just saying if we maintain somewhat financial independence from each other and that makes us roommates with benefits then I wouldn't have it any other way. To me though, a relationship is based on more than just financial matters and I don't consider me and my boyfriend as roommates with benefits.

As far as the debt/ratio thing that is why I was saying there are priorities. If I were to consider getting a mortgage it would be planned out way beforehand and that would be a mutual decision. Both of us would know that if we both really wanted a house, then we couldn't go out and add a $700 car payment. My point was just that if we could, and he wanted to, I wouldn't stop him but at the same time I shouldn't have to live more frugally than I want to every month to help him with the full payment when a cheaper car would serve the same purpose.