aaaaahhh.... and the beds are covered in bodily fluids....?
Ah, yes. That sort of place.....hmmm. Happy memories.
Some years ago, in the Caucasus, I remember encountering hotels which - although seemingly empty - proved extraordinarily difficult to book into for anything other than lunch. A long lunch. Inexplicably, our western passports, diplomatic status and evident solvency all counted for nothing.
The bedrooms, when inspected, proved to have large - nay, commodious - double beds, but were strangely lacking in bedroom furniture (mundane stuff like desks, and wardrobes, and the like). As I had to write detailed, analytical reports, I said that desks were really a good idea in a hotel bedroom where I might have to spend some time (like a few weeks). My male colleagues, (already a little uneasy) agreed with me and we inspected the place. Rather, they inspected, energetically, while I strolled in their wake.
Mattresses, it must be said, transpired to be less than arid. A drawback, in the circumstances. My male colleagues - with an admirably proactive and delightfully protective air - dived to the (strangely un-vacuumed) carpets, rummaging under the beds, and blushed to disclose their discovered treasures. "Um," one of my colleagues began in a low voice; the man, a colonel in his 60s, then stalled, as he tried to explain in polite terms (to a woman 20 years younger than him) why the only hotel in that town might not be a suitable accommodation for (female) political analysts from an international mission, "I think that this might be the sort of place where you pay by the hour". I see.