I was on holiday Monday. So I like to pretend today is Monday. Then I get a nice surprise come the end of the week.
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- Thread starter Gutwrench
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I have been asked to attend a meeting to decide how and when my father will die. He has been in declining health for months, and I’m trying to process all the emotions that accompany burying your dad.
My sympathies. My parents are both still around, and I can only imagine how hard that would be to deal with. Hang in there.
You have my sympathies - both my folks have passed away, one suddenly and one of demntia and heart disease. My advice is to say that you should say all the things that mustn't go unsaid while your father is alive, if you haven't done so already, and then, when the time is right after the funeral, learn to let go. It was always going to be a crappy time, but there will be a day when things seem 'normal' again.
Some years ago I was a participant in one of those meetings (not about either of my parents but about someone who was a close friend), and, yes, it was very difficult, really hard to hear the medical people presenting the current and predicted future as far as the individual's situation could be assessed at that point. They offered their input, provided some options for consideration and we all thought about this, everyone spoke from our perspective and knowledge (from previous conversations with the individual concerned) about what we felt the patient really would want.
Medical staff weren't pushing us, but given the options they mentioned to us, yes, they truly did need some guidance from those closest to the patient where to go next, what strategy would really be best currently and in the long run for the patient. For that caring thoughtfulness I was grateful and so was the family. Thankfully my friend had at various times expressed thoughts about such a potential situation with me and with the family, so that helped us all somewhat, but, oh, yes, this type of meeting is a very, very difficult one.....
You have my empathy and my sympathy.
Hospital handled it very well when they asked us if we should take my father off life support. Even though we knew the end was near it was still a shock. They knew to wait until we could process it and make the decision.
You have my condolences.
I went through this in 2019, but it was a completely different issue. Dad was dying of brain, stomach and lung cancer (Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam) and they kept trying to irradiate him, give him this and that medication, etc. We found out about this in the last week when my Mom wasn't there, and we were there. As it turns out, she wasn't handling things near as well as she thought she was, and wasn't passing ANY information along to us at all.My wife, a nurse, finally sat down with him and asked him "What do YOU want?" (with regards to feeding tubes and everything)
He had just had a stroke, but managed to say "I DO NOT want it." (His stomach was on fire from the cancer.) He said "I'm ready to go home." Wife said "To Arkansas?" "Nope," my dad said. We knew what he meant...he'd made his peace with his Maker and was ready to go.
To a man/woman, the doctors and nurses were against it. They wanted to give him this and that medication....but my wife held firm.
24 hours later, my Dad passed peacefully in his sleep. The doctors and nurses asked her "How did you know when he'd go?"
She said "I didn't. But y'all were focused on fixing this or that, or improving measurables, etc....I know you were. *I* was focused on PATIENT CARE, which is SUPPOSED to be your job."
Thinking about end of life myself as I lost a friend this week.
And I am home with Covid (no major symptoms).
And I am home with Covid (no major symptoms).
The Roman Empire is not on my mind half as much as the average man apparently according to an article I read in my news app today. How strange!
Yeah I saw that. It's apparently part of the whole "Manly Man" movement making noise these days. I think it's because showing admiration for a certain militaristic dictatorship movement in the early-mid 20th century wouldn't look good.
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My understanding is that it started as a stupid meme on TikTok and has very little to do with actual movements.
Of course, I think about the Roman Empire on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. My post history and my avatar will confirm this.
And I'm sure that your perspective is much more realistic than these memers. They love the chariot races and Coliseum atrocities.
As a matter of fact, this is a true video of me every single morning before breakfast:
However, I also know that the thumbs down sign wasn’t actually done by the Romans, and that the vast majority of Gladiators didn’t die on the field (actually most games had no death at all).
Stop shattering our illusions! Next you’ll be telling us they didn’t invent the toga!
As any good Roman of one of the great families, I am certainly inspired by Greek philosophy… I am just a tiny bit more brutal and expansionistic.
I always wondered whose head that is. (College was a long time ago).
Emperor Marcus Aurelius.
Interestingly 2 days before my father passed with no indication of any problems he called the cemetery and funeral home to make sure everything was arranged. Just out of the blue. He grew up on a farm and I think that made him intuitive since death is a normal occurrence when you have farm animals. Will never forget him laughing and joking with my mother just before he went into the coma.
Lost my mom in 2021 to Alzheimer's after 6 years, now my father, 88 years old, is on hospice at his assisted living facility due to his failing lungs.
Heard this on NPR last week driving home, resonated to my core.
Ends of the Earth
An exploration of the very upper limits of what you do for someone you love.
www.thisamericanlife.org
Amy Bloom tells the story of her husband, Brian, getting Alzheimer's and wanting assisted suicide. Her search to find a way to do that led her to Dignitas, in Switzerland. Hear this intimate and frank account of the experience they go through.
Heard this on NPR last week driving home, resonated to my core.
Ends of the Earth
An exploration of the very upper limits of what you do for someone you love.
Ends of the Earth - This American Life
An exploration of the very upper limits of what you do for someone you love.
Amy Bloom tells the story of her husband, Brian, getting Alzheimer's and wanting assisted suicide. Her search to find a way to do that led her to Dignitas, in Switzerland. Hear this intimate and frank account of the experience they go through.
I'm 3/4 through Meditations. I put it aside for a little while for something more narrative based and just haven't gone back. It is fascinating because of the many different layers to often simple sayings and musings. You have the surface level of what is being said; the references on which the writings depend; the relationship between the writings and other philosophical thought; the relationship to what might have been going on in his life and his writings; and the fact that this is an Emperor of Rome writing the stuff. Any paragraph can send me on an hours-long rabbit hole of reading and thought.
I'm sorry to hear this. I wish you and your father the best in a horrible situation.
Yes, reading Meditations is a true experience.
If you like the subject, I highly, strongly, vehemently encourage you to read “The Inner Citadel” by Pierre Hadot. Hadot was a great teacher, philosopher, and writer (his “Philosophy as a way of life” is a must read).
“The inner citadel” is his study on Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations - and therefore stoicism and Greek philosophy - and I can assure you you won’t need any other book on the subject after you read this one. It’s deep, readable, precise, and intriguing. It’s not a self-help, or even a divulgative book, but a serious study of the subject that will completely transform your understanding of Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca among others.
Of course, when this topic arise I always recommend this lecture by the great Michael Sugrue (all the lectures in his channel are amazing):
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