What’s on your mind?

[Scepticalscribe]

With the downstairs loo repaired, and the carer having returned from the market, I was able to head in myself. (One of the things re the care of my mother, is that her state of complete dependency means that she cannot be left on her own).

My shopping trip included wine shopping (two bottles of Chablis 1er Cru, and a bottle of Pinot Gris from Alsace), and almost a dozen bottles of beer, including Rochefort 10s and Rocheforts 8; the remainder were from Buxton and are all sturdy stouts, their Subliminal, and their Subliminal with coffee.

Then, cheeses, hard, soft, blue, aromatic.

Now that I have returned home, the carer has headed out with a friend, and together, on their return, they will prepare dinner.

Dinner will be some manner of fish broth; clams, shrimp, and a fish mix - firm white fish (sort of like cod, or hake, haddock, or pollock), smoked fish (probably smoked haddock) and red fish (probably salmon) - all acquired in the fishmonger's stall this morning - along with vegetables - onions, leeks, carrots, celery, peppers, and garlic and ginger. Nearby, I spotted a tin of coconut milk, as well.

Thank you for sharing this. I am sorry you have to try remain stoic while assisting a parent who doesn’t know you anymore, and the responsibilities sound massive and grueling. It is amazing that we learn to adapt to these situations and role reversals or not. It is heartbreaking.

I get the frustration with needy relatives and friends. Mom was a nutrition consultant-de facto psychiatrist for many needy, emotionally distraught people and I cannot stand fielding calls from them. Her close friends are a different story, but the peripheral clients are an unnecessary stress. Hugs to you for everything you are doing and trying to keep the peace.

I am more than happy to help mom in every way I can. I’ll refrain from discussing sis as it is more than overload, which I respect. I half joked with mom that I will probably have to save this sister’s tail at some point.

Thank you for sharing and venting. I hope you have a little time to yourself this weekend.

I’ll end these thoughts with I hope everyone here has a nice Saturday.

In the early days, I found fielding those kinds of calls very stressful, as well.

Now - and this is an advantage of Alzheimer's - my mother doesn't know just how brusque - almost, actually terse - I have been with some of these people. Mercifully, they have now mostly vanished.

And, when I am away, for months at a time, I am quite distant (deliberately) from it all. That is when siblings have no option but to take up the slack and take responsibility - which they do.

 

[Lioness~]

100% agreed.

Still, this being the internet and you really never know who you're talking to, what they're going / have gone through, how they view certain things etc. May be I just like little disclaimers like that a tad too much, who knows.

I understand what you mean. In a world where suicides are increasing, we don't want to inspire it by talking about it.
But I've seen enough of them in my life, to be confident that the discussion is what is needed. Not to keep quite about it.
But to be real about it.
If people have those thoughts there are an enormous information that can be found on internet that is way more informative then on MR.

A few decades ago if people got a Cancer diagnos, it meant death.
So how did deaths from cancer started to decline? People talked about it and started to explore and study it.

Suicide are also a kind of a 'disease', just a different one.
If people are afraid to talk about it, it sure can't be prevented.
Sure the increasing amount of information tip some people over the edge.
But the only way for something to be more understood, is not to avoid it, but to bring more awareness to it.

The transformational process is difficult for some, other's are tougher.
But with understanding of the evolution of the mind, even the more sensitive have a much better chance of being understood in their growth.
The evolution of the consciousness are thus growing on our planet.

 

[Gutwrench]

I had the privilege of going to my wife's naturalization ceremony in Downtown LA. That was amazing to see tens of thousands of people become US Citizens, all happy, waving US Flags, excited as heck. 2 years ago January 2016. We did a fiancee visa in 2011 that took over a year (she is from Peru) and much $$$.

Congratulations! I’ll be going to another ceremony in a couple weeks. May I ask why it cost much $$$? (Appropriate vagueness is definitely acceptable!) The application is only about $700 and can be waived based off income.
[doublepost=1537631586][/doublepost]

Congratulations! I’ll be going to another ceremony in a couple weeks. May I ask why it cost much $$$? (Appropriate vagueness is definitely acceptable!) The application is only about $700 and can be waived based off income.

Ps - wow...excellent photo! Congratulations again to her and you!

 

[kazmac]

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts about aging parents and siblings.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

@BigMcGuire congrats to the Missues. That was a great photo.

@Apple fanboy glad you are enjoying your new Apple. I admit the new gestures are a bit intimidating to me, but I am glad they added the swipe option back to close apps. I will probably need a healthy dose of training if I get a new phone.

 

[Gutwrench]

In the unlikely event I outlive Mrs AFB, they’ll probably just find me in the house weeks or months after I’ve passed!
What a lovely thought!

Oh, I’ve got a few stories about this. I’ll save them for the “what’s for dinner” thread”.

 

[BigMcGuire]

Congratulations! I’ll be going to another ceremony in a couple weeks. May I ask why it cost much $$$? (Appropriate vagueness is definitely acceptable!) The application is only about $700 and can be waived based off income.
[doublepost=1537631586][/doublepost]

Ps - wow...excellent photo! Congratulations again to her and you!

No worries, and thanks. First off, we dated for 4 years before looking at what it would take to get her to the USA and get married. I had visited Peru 2-3 times before 2011 as well. We got an immigration lawyer because we didn't want to risk our application being rejected due to incorrect data. That and every Government form seemed to have a ~$1000 check requirement attached to it, and there were many of these. I've talked to people who have gone through the Fiancee Visa process from countries like England or Canada and it's a 90 day process and maybe $2600 or a bit more? For us, I imagine because my wife was from a 3rd world country?, it was much much more and over a year and a month long not counting lawyer fees. Horror stories of people trying to do it on their own and having a 5+ year wait time to get their paperwork corrected/review was jarring to say the least.

Even after she came to the USA and we got married, we had to see a "professional DHS (Department of Homeland Security) interrogator" who had our 600+ stack of paperwork application process, and be questioned for hours on it (threatened with being interviewed in separate rooms if the interrogator deemed it fit) - (we passed with flying colors and never had to be separated) before they would go forward with the citizenship process (which took years more). Funny enough it was very much like the movie: The Proposal except, if you did that bad, you'd be screwed. lol. Everything was through the DHS and every check was made out to the DHS.

It was not easy doing a Fiancee Visa but it worked out for us and my wife has been a US Citizen for two years and nine months now. Not easy doing it the legal way, but far more rewarding and secure.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Well, I just put ABBA on again for my mother - she waved her arms excitedly - so she is happy.

Congrats to @BigMcGuire - lovely photo of a wonderful event.

@kazmac: Might I advise that anyone who makes a sensible, specific and genuine offer of help (do you want me to get any of your shopping? I am going to x - pharmacy etc - is there anything you want or need?) be taken up on their offer. They will appreciate it - because it was a definite specific - and therefore genuine - offer, and that means you are not taking advantage and that they mean what they say and have offered what help lies within their means.

Those who make specific offers have often been through similar situations themselves, and know that small specific acts of kindness and support can go a long way, and they also know that people are hesitant to ask for anything lest they be seen as asking for too much.

However, disregard those who make general, vague offers ("phone me if there is anything I can do"), because, usually 1) they don't really mean it, at least, they do until actually asked to do something, when 2) they rarely deliver and will have apologies and brilliant excuses for not doing so.

 

[Gutwrench]

No worries, and thanks. First off, we dated for 4 years before looking at what it would take to get her to the USA and get married. I had visited Peru 2-3 times before 2011 as well. We got an immigration lawyer because we didn't want to risk our application being rejected due to incorrect data (we were told the wait time would be 5+ years). That and every Government paperwork form seemed to have a ~$1000 check requirement attached to it, and there were many of these. I've talked to people who have gone through the Fiancee Visa process from countries like England or Canada and it's a 90 day process and maybe $2600 or a bit more? For us, I imagine because my wife was from a 3rd world country?, it was much much more and over a year and a month long not counting lawyer fees. Horror stories of people trying to do it on their own and having a 5+ year wait time to get their paperwork corrected/review was jarring to say the least.

Even after she came to the USA and we got married, we had to see a "professional DHS (Department of Homeland Security) interrogator" who had our 600+ stack of paperwork application process, and be questioned for hours on it (threatened with being interviewed in separate rooms if the interrogator deemed it fit) - (we passed with flying colors and never had to be separated) before they would go forward with the citizenship process (which took years and more paperwork and $ checks attached to that paperwork). Everything was through the DHS and every check was made out to the DHS.

It was not easy doing a Fiancee Visa but it worked out for us and my wife has been a US Citizen for two years and 9 months now. Not easy doing it the legal way, but far more rewarding and secure.

Thanks! I’m glad it all worked out in the end! The three I’ve been associated with didn’t require an attorney. The process is certainly long! The Immigration Officers were all professional and most pleasant and helpful. Now, the experiences with the employees at the window/counter were less than rewarding. They were infuriating, in my opinion/experience. I felt very sorry for the applicants having to deal with them.
[doublepost=1537634976][/doublepost]

On Friday I ordered a bundled package containing a printer and an extra toner cartridge for guaranteed Saturday delivery. Yay!

Then a minute later I received an order update saying they split the order so one item arrives today and the other tomorrow.

Yep, just my luck my toner is ‘out for delivery’. I’m so excited.

Breaking News: My toner arrived. Woot woot!

Where do I put the paper, and how do I hook it up to the WI-FI and send it a print job?

 

[Apple fanboy]

Thanks! I’m glad it all worked out in the end! The three I’ve been associated with didn’t require an attorney. The process is certainly long! The Immigration Officers were all professional and most pleasant and helpful. Now, the experiences with the employees at the window/counter were less than rewarding. They were infuriating, in my opinion/experience. I felt very sorry for the applicants having to deal with them.
[doublepost=1537634976][/doublepost]

Breaking News: My toner arrived. Woot woot!

Where do I put the paper, and how do I hook it up to the WI-FI and send it a print job?

View attachment 786858

That’s how I felt earlier in the week when I had two wireless charges and an apple leather case but no iPhone XS Max.

All together now as nature intended.

 

[kazmac]

@Scepticalscribe - mom’s closest friends have been amazing with the offers to help. She’s taken them up on rides to the doctor when elder sis couldn’t do it. I am just waiting to ask for anything else because we may need some help when mom gets home. Thank you again.

@BigMcGuire glad you were able to help your wife to ace the citizenship documentation, interviews and tests. I had no idea how many hurdles it took for citizenship now. May you have many awesome celebrations together.

@Gutwrench if I ever swing for a multi purpose printer I think I will be in the same scenario as you today. May you get the printer up and running soon.

 

[D.T.]

What's on my mind? What's the maximum post size ...

 

[Gutwrench]

What's on my mind? What's the maximum post size ...

Good question. I’ll summon @LizKat for the answer.

 

[decafjava]

Sigh, all this talk about aging and ill parents has hit too close to home.

So, now I am just enjoying the last weekend of summer/first weekend of autumn by the Rhone at an outdoor summer bar buvette. Met a friend for a pint who now left for home then a dog came staring at me as I started eating a mediocre beef empanada. The dog ended up eating most of it. Excellent local beer btw - Calvinus 5 hop summer beer.

 

[BigMcGuire]

Good question. I’ll summon @LizKat for the answer.

If anyone knows, it is her. lol. Her posts are super long but super enjoyable/informative to read.

 

[Apple fanboy]

What's on my mind? What's the maximum post size ...

Bigger than this

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Dinner consumed (delicious), relaxing now with a book and a glass or two of white wine from Burgundy.

 

[0388631]

Sat outside this morning reading a book. Fog and all. My joints ache right now. At this point in my life I should know better, but where's the fun in that?

 

[Gutwrench]

Sat outside this morning reading a book. Fog and all. My joints ache right now. At this point in my life I should know better, but where's the fun in that?

Sorry to hear you’re uncomfortable. Discomfort is why god made opiates.
On a serious note, we all hope you get to feeling better.

 

[Lioness~]

Gracefully Deleted

 

[LizKat]

What's on my mind? What's the maximum post size ...

Good question. I’ll summon @LizKat for the answer.

You guys... I do know better than to try for the limit. Sufficient are my sins already.

What's on my mind tonight is that there are only about 30 minutes left to calendar summer 2018 at least where I live.

https://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/seasons.html​

Ma Nature is apparently oblivious to the moment of the official change of seasons. It's a fairly balmy 53ºF outside at the moment, headed to around 45º by daybreak. We've already had a few near frosty mornings earlier in the month, yet we're likely to have a lingering Indian Summer this year as we did last year as far as I've heard, so balmy days still ahead in October, early November.

Still I hate seeing the fall equinox pop onto the calendar. From here on out I might enjoy traditional activities of the season and changing up the menus.. oatmeal laden with apples and raisins suddenly becomes a thing again for me at breakfast time, or a poached egg with hot milk over buttered toast... and I do like the cold snap of autumn air in the mountains, but I sure don't like that ever earlier sunset from here on out to the winter solstice.

"More light..." is what Goethe supposedly said at the end of his life. I say that on most afternoons during every autumn!

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I'm with @LizKat in that the autumn equinox gives rise to that awful thump of a sinking heart (along with a private stock take); cannot stand the onset of the winter months in the northern latitudes.

Yet, Mother is in good form, and outside, it is, at least sunny and bright. Yesterday, Mother was ecstatic - beaming and delighted - when I put on ABBA in the morning, waving her arms enthusiastically, keeping time.

Rinse, repeat in the afternoon.

And then the carer told me yesterday evening that Mother was trying to get Mr Monkey - her favourite cuddly toy, adored but a little bedraggled - to dance to ABBA, moving him in time to the music, and beaming, bursting with joy.

 

[0388631]

Sorry to hear you’re uncomfortable. Discomfort is why god made opiates.
On a serious note, we all hope you get to feeling better.

Thanks. Advil took care of it. Would have had a drink but it was morning and we had to make a Costco run.

Doubt many care, but I ended up rereading the latest King novel. I had nothing else to read and I slightly enjoyed it the first time around.

 

[Matz]

Or maybe your "present" doesn't engage you, or elements of your life run on a sort of auto-pilot, if you find yourself in a routine that is safe and comfortable but predictable.

One way of staying in the - or a - "present" as you age is to try to stay open to novelty, fresh experiences and seeing and doing - and maybe learning - new things, visiting new places, learning new skills, testing your mind and attitudes.

Well, I certainly have the experience of running on auto-pilot at times. And I agree that doing new and interesting things can help one stay more present, out of necessity if nothing else.

I've been quite fortunate in having had many interesting and unusual experiences throughout my life. For which I am grateful. And those experiences, of course, in many ways inform my view of the world today.

But what I meant by being present is not about what I'm doing, but how I experience it. No matter if it is something new and exciting, or something as 'ordinary' as, say, washing the dishes, getting dressed in the morning, or looking at a familiar landscape. It's not the what that matters, but the how.

I'm finding it quite difficult to articulate, so will leave it at this: In exploring this notion of the experience of time, I'm finding myself led back to what I learned decades ago (and seem to have forgotten) through meditation, as well as certain forms of, ah, experimenting. A way of experiencing the world, at least often enough to fundamentally change, well, everything. At once both new and deeply familiar.

 

[Lioness~]

I sometimes feel joy today when something is ending.
Not sorrow, disappointment, just the notion of change. Beginnings surely follows.
It simply means its time was completed and universe is making place for something else that better serves my purpose, where my heart and mind is of better use.

Not so much attachments to how things are suppose to evolve or be anymore.
More joy and astonishment.
Surprisingly and liberating, this concerns even people, all kinds of connections.

People we love deeply might be the easiest for us to be free with, after we released our fears of losing them. We surely can’t.
Forms may change, we grow, love matures.

What are suppose to be there, will be there.
Love keeps things together, not clinging or fear.


And yes @Matz meditation have a tendency to circling and spiraling our consciousness and the world in unexpected ways.
Widening, deepening the familiar with new dimensions all the time.

 

[kazmac]

@LizKat you make oatmeal sound utterly delicious!

@Zenithal hope you feel better.

@Scepticalscribe thank you again for sharing your experiences in the caretaking areas.

Fall. The encroaching darkness seems to bug me on the commutes home the last couple of years. Not sure why.

Today though, the prevailing thought is my usual Sunday, “Right, tomorrow is Monday...”