I think you forgot to add the /s at the end of your post and a few other suggestions like these: Don't use the the keyboard, don't use the touchbar, don't use the trackpad, don't look at the screen as it will sense your fear.
/s
Seriously, if I had to go through that rigamarole, I would return or sell the computer because you ought to be able to use the the camera, USB-C, automatic brightens, etc etc
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One more thing, I'd like to add. I really don't push my computer too much and I never put the computer to sleep - its shutdown or always on. (I shut it down when I put it in my carrying case).