I am in a room with no road noise and no central air. If I put my ear right next to the iMac vents I can hear the air moved by the fan as it flows past obstructions, but not the fan itself. Mine also claims 1200 RPM. I cannot hear anything at idle in normal use at normal distances from the vents. I _can_ hear my (8 feet away) DVR fans come on and spin slowly when the DVR does garbage collection or compaction or whatever it's doing late at night.
I do not think you are being overly picky -- perhaps a bit unrealistic to *expect* a high performance desktop system to be as silent as an old Mac mini or a five year old laptop.
I do disagree with your premise that it depends on the situation. I'm proposing a different one: it depends on the luck of the draw if they install a loud fan, a practically silent one, or one somewhere in the middle.
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It's possible. The iMac I'm using to write this is the only one I've ever owned, so I can't say one way or the other. But my gut feeling is that the sound I hear from it at 1200 RPM is air turbulence more than the fan itself. I've done the firmware "hack" to reduce the fan speed to 1000 RPM and, at that speed, I find it to be inaudible. Which I think is an indication that the fan noise is more air turbulence than noise from the motor. Which would mean that all similar iMacs make the same amount of noise.
Yes, my iMac is a "high performance desktop" but at idle, it doesn't use that much more power than my MacBook. The fact that it runs fine with the fan at 1000 RPM instead of 1200 RPM is an indication that it doesn't really NEED to make much noise at all. I think what probably happened is that Apple designed the cooling system in 2012 and didn't revisit it since then, even though more recent chips run cooler at idle.