Hi, I'm that .001 percent you're enjoying denegrating. I also use my Macs for my business, to make money, and have dozens of chords, all memorized, assigned to my F keys, generally to control actions in Creative Suite applications, but also to control window placement and sizing, among other system tasks. You can leave my standard keyboards alone, kthnx.
Here's an idea: You could always get a hot swappable mechanical keyboard, pop the function row mechanisms out, and fill the spaces with deadhead caps if you're so married to the idea of taking things away. Why don't you go ahead and do that and let us know how it goes. Money meets mouth, as they say.