See this depressing article trying to defend the practice:
https://cafemom.com/parenting/218114-mind-your-table
I better stop before I start looking like this:
View attachment 2206422
Oh, dear.
Both tone - how arrogant - and the ugly and unpleasant content of that article are deeply depressing.
Over a decade ago, I went for a late lunch with an Italian boy who manned one of the organic stalls in the weekly farmers' market.
Actually, if memory serves, he had decided to - or, rather, he had been asked to - run the best stall of organic produce for a year, as the German couple who normally run it - their children grown - had decided to take a year off to see the world.
That day, after closing the stall, the boy - he had an excellent economics degree from a top Italian university, had worked with the EU Commission before jettisoning that for a life based on alternative and Green values, was interested in politics, history and food - so, we had much to talk about - asked to bring along his partner and young child, who was about two or three.
Privately, I wasn't enthusiastic, (children in restaurants, wired by too much excitement, sugar, energy and the sheer strange novelty of dining formally somewhere are not something that usually appeals to me) but concurred, and we headed to one of my favourite Italian places where the food was excellent and much of it was sourced from Italy (subsequently, alas, a casualty of the crash of 2008 - it shut a few years after that; my mother had loved it, as well, and we frequently lunched there or had coffee there).
The reason I am writing about this, years later, is my recollection of how bowled over I was by their behaviour, their conduct, the way they related to that young boy.
The boy - he must have been close to, or around, three, - sat in a proper seat, at a place that was properly set, cutlery, crockery, condiments all laid out correctly, and he was expected to be able to deal with this. He was; this setting was not strange, or new, to him.
His parents cut up meat for him, - cut up food that he wouldn't have been able to cope with, he sat quietly, watching - but, other than that, - and holding a glass with both hands - he was expected to behave, and use the utensils placed in front of him.
What really struck me was the running commentary of polite, and quiet and caring instruction that both parents maintained, in Italian and French (the mother was French) while addressing me in English throughout that meal - for good parenting takes, work, and effort, and time, endless time, and repeating what you have done again and again and again.
They were quiet, and patient - explaining everything in three languages - and they helped him, and they encouraged him, they laughed with him as they instructed him - or prompted him - on how to behave. He was encouraged to ask questions and participate (but not dominate) in proceedings.
He had this on a daily basis, and already, at around three years of age, his table manners were exemplary.
When cakes appeared, the young boy made to reach for them and was quietly, (but firmly) instructed that it is considered polite to offer cakes to your guest first (that was me) and only then, when others have been served, are you to help yourself.
The boy, as instructed, offered me the cakes, (and was gravely thanked both by me and by his parents).
Anyway, as I say, I was absolutely blown away; this quiet, supportive instruction, explaining and praising, including while insisting that standards be met and maintained all made perfectly clear to me that this could be done.
It just takes time, - lots of time - and patience, and love and care and attention and yes, having both parents present meant that this teaching process worked even better.
And it is also necessary to normalise this - make the experience of dining properly - whether at home or when dining out - something normal, something usual, something that the child becomes used to doing on a regular basis.
That boy will have no difficulty when dining out anywhere or anytime when he becomes an adult, and will be an absolute pleasure to dine with.