What’s on your mind?

[Scepticalscribe]

I used to hate that more. What value do you say?
I mean I’d like a new iPhone. Too expensive.
Ok. I’d like a screwdriver. Too cheap.

Better off out of all that BS.

Most people are reasonable (one hopes).

And the nature of the relationship - the proximity, the kinship and/or friendship - if you like - will also determine the nature of the gift.

An iPhone? Not for anyone other than close family or friends (and, at that, close family whom you love, the ones foe whom you feel benign indifference wouldn't receive iPhones, ever), and funding such gifts will also depend on your own resources at that time.

When I worked - was deployed - abroad, I was able to - financially, in a position to - buy computers and iPads for both brothers, (Decent Brother received brand new ones) and buy an iPad for the carer, (which is what she wanted, and was worth every penny, or cent), and so on; these days, I can hardly afford to buy them for myself.

Anyway, what is wrong with saying - and, I've done this - an iPhone is too expensive for me, but I will happily subsidise - that is, contribute towards - the cost of its purchase with you, or combine with a number of others (yes, that takes time and co-ordination, granted) and buy it as a collective gift from several of us.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Most people are reasonable (one hopes).

And the nature of the relationship - the proximity, the kinship and/or friendship - if you like - will also determine the nature of the gift.

An iPhone? Not for anyone other than close family or friends (and close family whom you love), and funding such gifts will also depend on your own resources.

When I worked - was deployed - abroad, I was able to - financially, in a position to - buy computers and iPads for both brothers, (Decent Brother received brand new ones) and buy an iPad for the carer, (which is what she wanted, and was worth every penny, or cent), and so on; these days, I can hardly afford to buy them for myself.

Anyway, what is wrong with saying - and, I've done this - an iPhone is too expensive for me, but I will happily subsidise - that is, contribute towards - the cost of its purchase, or combine with a number of others (yes, that takes time and co-ordination, granted) and buy it as a collective gift from us all.

I think your family relationship is somewhat different to mine. We were never that close.

Tonight our company are having a few drinks after work in the office instead of a proper Christmas party.
I just left left the office early. No interest in socialising or celebrating Christmas thanks.
Roll on January.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I think your family relationship is somewhat different to mine. We were never that close.

That is probably true.

Chez nous, this practice was known as - referred to - as "subsidising Santa".

Ordinary gifts - a good quality woollen pullover - etc, would have been often given, and, as adults, some gifts were deferred (but they would have been selected - or decided upon - in advance - i.e. good quality Levi's jeans for Decent Brother, and/or a good quality pullover, or good quality woollen trousers, or a good woollen jacket - when he was a student, and that also applied to me) until the January sales.

Tonight our company are having a few drinks after work in the office instead of a proper Christmas party.
I just left left the office early. No interest in socialising or celebrating Christmas thanks.

On this, I am in complete agreement with you.

Christmas office parties hold little attraction for me, either.

Roll on January.

Roll on March.

 

[Herdfan]

Most people are reasonable (one hopes).

And the nature of the relationship - the proximity, the kinship and/or friendship - if you like - will also determine the nature of the gift.

An iPhone? Not for anyone other than close family or friends (and close family whom you love), and funding such gifts will also depend on your own resources.

My MIL falls into the category of either not reasonable or immature child.

She overspends at Christmas every year buy people stuff they don't want or need. In fact it is something the wife's entire family does. The number of presents is more important that the actual present. I grew up just the opposite in that we got 1 big gift and lots of small ones.

So the wife and her siblings came up with a plan to keep their mom from spending too much. First was a limit per person of $100. Too high, but it didn't matter as she basically ignored it and said it doesn't apply to her. Then it was drawing names to which she also ignored and bought gift for everyone. Again saying it doesn't apply to her because she is the mom.

As for buying someone an iPhone or iPad, a few years ago when my daughter was in art school, she needed an iPad for school. So I bought her the 12.9" Pro. As she opened it, the same immature MIL said out loud that she wished someone would get her something like that in a snarky tone. It embarrassed my daughter. No wonder they don't have a close relationship.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

My MIL falls into the category of either not reasonable or immature child.

She overspends at Christmas every year buy people stuff they don't want or need. In fact it is something the wife's entire family does. The number of presents is more important that the actual present. I grew up just the opposite in that we got 1 big gift and lots of small ones.

So the wife and her siblings came up with a plan to keep their mom from spending too much. First was a limit per person of $100. Too high, but it didn't matter as she basically ignored it and said it doesn't apply to her. Then it was drawing names to which she also ignored and bought gift for everyone. Again saying it doesn't apply to her because she is the mom.

As for buying someone an iPhone or iPad, a few years ago when my daughter was in art school, she needed an iPad for school. So I bought her the 12.9" Pro. As she opened it, the same immature MIL said out loud that she wished someone would get her something like that in a snarky tone. It embarrassed my daughter. No wonder they don't have a close relationship.

Fair enough.

There are individuals who are not reasonable, and who are petulant and entitled, and have been all of their lives.

They are difficult to deal with at any time, doubly so, I should imagine, at Christmas, especially if friends and family buy into the notion of Christmas as a time of 'good cheer'.

 

[Macky-Mac]

my friends and family have all reached the point where nobody wants more physical stuff......so food, sweets, wine, and the other consumable items are currently the main presents

 

[VulchR]

Why not ask them?

Because they don't answer - it is a test, and a long-standing family tradition. 🙃

 

[Apple fanboy]

Because they don't answer - it is a test, and a long-standing family tradition. 🙃

Create new traditions. Like, I got you nothing as you didn’t tell me what you wanted…..

 

[VulchR]

...
Christmas office parties hold little attraction for me, either.
...

Ours used to be quite fun, usually cèilidh's, but then somebody had a drunken fall and broke a wrist... health and safety weren't amused.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Ours used to be quite fun, usually cèilidh's, but then somebody had a drunken fall and broke a wrist... health and safety weren't amused.

Ouch.

I think that "fun" is one of these concepts that may be somewhat subjective.

Personally, I'd have run - suppressing screams - at warp speed - out the door to avoid such a gathering.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Ours used to be quite fun, usually cèilidh's, but then somebody had a drunken fall and broke a wrist... health and safety weren't amused.

Ours are not like that. Most of them will be driving home.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Ouch.

I think that "fun" is one of these concepst that may be somewhat subjective.

Personally, I'd have run - suppressing screams - at warp speed - out the door to avoid such a gathering.

Agreed. I can think of 100 places I’d rather be. But mostly I’d rather be home.

 

[rm5]

I feel you, not sure where you live on campus in residence because that was annoying to go down with a basket and especially when it was busy.

Even worse was when in October all the machines in my building were broken! Though I hope that's a rare occurrence...

 

[Scepticalscribe]

The thing is, a céilidh is fine for fun, - genuine fun, as it invites one to shed inhibitions - but - to my mind - a work Christmas party, or Christmas function, is not social, not fun, not a party, but simply a work function, or work gathering, with a social dimension, which is very different to any kind of party with friends and/or family.

Now, a work gathering as a semi-formal dinner - which is formal by its very nature - is something I will willingly suffer, or endure, (not least if the food is good) for professional reasons.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Even worse was when in October all the machines in my building were broken! Though I hope that's a rare occurrence...

Now, there you do have my commiserations.

That must have been exceedingly frustrating.

 

[chown33]

Create new traditions. Like, I got you nothing as you didn’t tell me what you wanted…..

Wordplay opportunity:
You told me nothing, so that's what I got you.

 

[rm5]

I got this text this morning:

"Hi [my name redacted], do you think we could do a rehearsal today? I'm not feeling real comfortable with what we've got."

There are two problems:

1. We've already done four rehearsals, three hours each
2. I don't have time for another one!

This person is, let's just say, not the most experienced musician, so I understand the need to practice a lot, but at some point, that's just gotta be something you do on your own—practicing with a recording or backing track.

For that show I did last Friday (the one I kept talking about), we had ONE rehearsal, and the tunes were WAY harder than the ones for this upcoming one.

This musician should not expect me to be at their beck and call 24/7, that's just not how it works. I'm being accountable by doing the FOUR (which is already WAYYYYYY TOO MANY) rehearsals, and actually playing on the show. She should be accountable by being able to practice independently without someone physically there.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Create new traditions. Like, I got you nothing as you didn’t tell me what you wanted…..

And the thing with new traditions is that you can tweak them, and re-invent them, (if you wish to interpret them differently) each and every year.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I got this text this morning:

"Hi [my name redacted], do you think we could do a rehearsal today? I'm not feeling real comfortable with what we've got."

There are two problems:

1. We've already done four rehearsals, three hours each
2. I don't have time for another one!

This person is, let's just say, not the most experienced musician, so I understand the need to practice a lot, but at some point, that's just gotta be something you do on your own—practicing with a recording or backing track.

For that show I did last Friday (the one I kept talking about), we had ONE rehearsal, and the tunes were WAY harder than the ones for this upcoming one.

This musician should not expect me to be at their beck and call 24/7, that's just not how it works. I'm being accountable by doing the FOUR (which is already WAYYYYYY TOO MANY) rehearsals, and actually playing on the show. She should be accountable by being able to practice independently without someone physically there.

That is exactly what you can consider saying by way of reply, (that you have already ahd four rehearsals of three hours each), that time is pressing and you have other commitments, and, furthermore, you can add that no amount of rehearsals will prepare you for an actual performance, which is what this musician clearly needs some experience of, as well, and that you expect he (or she) will be fine on the night.

 

[Macky-Mac]

I got this text this morning:

"Hi [my name redacted], do you think we could do a rehearsal today? I'm not feeling real comfortable with what we've got."

There are two problems:

1. We've already done four rehearsals, three hours each
2. I don't have time for another one!

This person is, let's just say, not the most experienced musician, so I understand the need to practice a lot, but at some point, that's just gotta be something you do on your own—practicing with a recording or backing track.

For that show I did last Friday (the one I kept talking about), we had ONE rehearsal, and the tunes were WAY harder than the ones for this upcoming one.

This musician should not expect me to be at their beck and call 24/7, that's just not how it works. I'm being accountable by doing the FOUR (which is already WAYYYYYY TOO MANY) rehearsals, and actually playing on the show. She should be accountable by being able to practice independently without someone physically there.

"unfortunately I already have other commitments"

 

[Chuckeee]

my friends and family have all reached the point where nobody wants more physical stuff......so food, sweets, wine, and the other consumable items are currently the main presents

That describes me. While my wife and daughter still want and look forward to physical objects, I usually request “experiences”, e.g.; take me out to a play, treat me to hot air balloon brunch, let’s go on a zip line, etc

 

[Scepticalscribe]

my friends and family have all reached the point where nobody wants more physical stuff......so food, sweets, wine, and the other consumable items are currently the main presents

The thing about sweets and wine is that the recipients can also be quite.....particular re personal preferences, as these can be rather specific.

 

[Macky-Mac]

The thing about sweets and wine is that the recipients can also be quite.....particular re personal preferences, as these can be rather specific.

Generally it's more of a way to resolve the ritual exchange of gifts without being focussed on the specifics of the gift

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Generally it's more of a way to resolve the ritual exchange of gifts without being focussed on the specifics of the gift

I understand that....

However, I find that I have come to deeply dislike silly, thoughtless gifts (purchased to - as you so aptly describe it - "resolve the ritual exchange of gifts") and - to be candid, would far prefer something intelligent and thoughtful by way of a gift. If that is not possible, I would prefer no gift to something.....fatuous, for which one is expected to be grateful.

Sometimes, those giving gifts put thought into matching gift and recipient; all too often, (with the feeble excuse, "it's the thought that counts") ritual is indulged with meaningless gifts, meaningless beyond the ritual, which, to my mind, and in those circumstances, has become a colossal waste of both time and money.

Candidly, I would prefer no gift at all to these idiotic gifts, and ritual be damned.

Now, I grant that it is different when one has children, or teenagers, or close family/friends, above all, those who wish to indulge in the fantasy of the season.

 

[Macky-Mac]

I understand that....

However, I find that I have come to deeply dislike silly, thoughtless gifts (purchased to - as you so aptly describe it - "resolve the ritual exchange of gifts") and - to be candid, would far prefer something intelligent and thoughtful by way of a gift. If that is not possible, I would prefer no gift to something.....fatuous, for which one is expected to be grateful.

Sometimes, those giving gifts put thought into matching gift and recipient; all too often, (with the feeble excuse, "it's the thought that counts") ritual is indulged with meaningless gifts, meaningless beyond the ritual, which, to my mind, and in those circumstances, has become a colossal waste of both time and money.

Candidly, I would prefer no gift at all to these idiotic gifts, and ritual be damned.

Now, I grant that it is different when one has children, or teenagers, or close family/friends, above all, those who wish to indulge in the fantasy of the season.

You're certainly entitled to whatever approach to gift giving/receiving suits you, your family and your circle of friends.

I don't assume that what suits my situation will satisfy any other person's situation.