Corny Jokes and One Liners

[AdrianK]

I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure.

 

[Doctor Q]

I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure.

There's the related joke where someone filling out a questionnaire looks at their spouse and asks "Do I have trouble making up my own mind?"

 

[Sankersizzle]

If a psychic dwarf escapes from prison, does that mean there is a small medium at large?

 

[iJohnHenry]

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?







A man will spend 15 minutes looking for a golf ball.

 

[obeygiant]

a horse walks into a bar. bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender says why the long face?

http://sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/

 

[Huntn]

What is big and red and eats rocks?





a big red rock eater.

 

[Pink∆Floyd]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Huh?

 

[iJohnHenry]

What is big and red and eats rocks?

The Horta.

 

[snberk103]

...
This girl went to a Dead show with terrible tickets. She could barely even see the stage. Once the show began, she noticed an empty seat waaaaay in the front. She slowly made her way towards the stage, dodging ticket checkers left and right, and finally reached the empty seat. She was so close that Bobby could have spit on her. At the set break, she told the guy next to her that she couldn't believe that someone had given up such an incredible seat. The guy said, "Well, my wife and I had tickets to this show together, but she passed away." She said, "I'm so sorry. Couldn't you find someone else to come to the show with you, a friend or a relative or something?" The guy replied, "Nah. They're all at her funeral today."

Same joke, but I heard it told about the Grey Cup game.....

 

[RawBert]

• Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70? Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
  
  
• Why can’t women read maps? Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
  
  
• Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? He heard the snow blower coming.
  
  
• Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? So they don’t whistle on the way down.
  
  
• How many racists does it take to change a light bulb? None, racists hate being enlightened
  
  
• My racist has got no nose. How does he smell? Terrible
  
  
• What do you call a racist wearing a uniform? Officer (LAPD)

 

[applefan289]

As the monkey said when he got his tail stuck in the lawnmower, it won't be long now...

 

[Huntn]

I sense a movement away from corny, so...
Why does the bride smile walking down the isle?

I'll let someone else answer.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

I sense a movement away from corny, so...
Why does the bride smile walking down the isle?

I'll let someone else answer.

Because she's given her last bj.

 

[Peace]

Dumb Blonde joke :

Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?"
*****"Duh..." siad the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"

 

[Doctor Q]

For networking geeks only

I shared a TCP joke with my friends and they all got it.

Then I shared a UDP joke with them and many of them didn't get it.

 

[applefan289]

I shared a TCP joke with my friends and they all got it.

Then I shared a UDP joke with them and many of them didn't get it.

Haha, very funny. I'm studying with the Cisco Networking Academy to get my CCNA. I'm almost done with it.

Tell your friends to get an FCS and they should be good to go.

 

[RawBert]

Why does the bride smile walking down the isle?

She won't need to give any more Bee Jays.

 

[ucfgrad93]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

 

[tablo13]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.


Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

Because he was hit by a bus.


A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe. The polar bear looks at the seal and says,

"RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.


You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America.

You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society.


I love anti-jokes.

What do you call an iPad? A big iPod touch.
What do you call an iPod touch? A small iPhone.

 

[jollygoodamy]

Why are gulls that live by the sea called seagulls? 'Cuz if they lived by the bay they'd be bagels!

What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno business!

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese!

What do vegetarian zombies say? Graaains!

Whats brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.

4 out of 5 of the jokes I made were food related..

 

[Huntn]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

I prefer the half a worm answer.

Because she's given her last bj.

She won't need to give any more Bee Jays.

I can't remember why the groom smiles at the alter. Really I can't, a little help if it is not too crude...

 

[kolax]

The iPhone is useless to an immature person like myself.

I type "5318008" into the calculator and turn it upside down, but the screen rights itself.

 

[0dev]

A car with the numberplate "G4N DULF" pulled in front of me today.

Safe to say, he didn't let me pass.

 

[kolax]

Good news for insomniacs. Only three more sleeps till Christmas.