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Corny Jokes and One Liners
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A few good ones from Sickipedia:
I've just ordered an empty cardboard box from Chernobyl.
It was the cheapest microwave I could find.
What is the opposite of feminism?
Realism.
I just found a note that says "Dial-a-Party" and a phone number.
I believe this calls for a celebration.
The government have advised people to watch out that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.
I think I'll be alright though. My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.
.
I've just ordered an empty cardboard box from Chernobyl.
It was the cheapest microwave I could find.
What is the opposite of feminism?
Realism.
I just found a note that says "Dial-a-Party" and a phone number.
I believe this calls for a celebration.
The government have advised people to watch out that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.
I think I'll be alright though. My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.
.
So two people are stranded on a deserted island, they're tired and semiconscious. They find this bottle, rub it and out goes a Genie. He tells them that he'll fulfill each one wish.
The first one, ecstatic, goes "I want to go home." Poof and he's gone.
The Genie turns to the other guy and asks him "And what's your wish?"
"I want the other guy to come back here."
------
So this guy moves into a new neighborhood and the old couple from the house next to his invite him over. As the old man is chatting up the new neighbor, his wife is off in the kitchen preparing some stuff. All the time this old guy is calling on his wife, "Honey can you get use some tea?" "Sweetheart can you prepare some snacks?", "Sweety can you do this? Can you do that?" So this new guy is like "How long have you been married?"
The old guy says "43 years."
"Wow, and you still call her honey and sweetheart, that's great!"
The old guy says "It's just because I forgot her frickin name."
The first one, ecstatic, goes "I want to go home." Poof and he's gone.
The Genie turns to the other guy and asks him "And what's your wish?"
"I want the other guy to come back here."
------
So this guy moves into a new neighborhood and the old couple from the house next to his invite him over. As the old man is chatting up the new neighbor, his wife is off in the kitchen preparing some stuff. All the time this old guy is calling on his wife, "Honey can you get use some tea?" "Sweetheart can you prepare some snacks?", "Sweety can you do this? Can you do that?" So this new guy is like "How long have you been married?"
The old guy says "43 years."
"Wow, and you still call her honey and sweetheart, that's great!"
The old guy says "It's just because I forgot her frickin name."
Last edited:
Doh...
Blond joke:
What goes... vrrrrrm stop... vrrrrmmm stop... vrrrrrrmm stop.
A blond at an intersection with a flashing red light.
That's even worse than mine.
I remember reading this one in a science book.
Two men walk into a bar. (This one may take quite a while to get, and it'd be better if it was said verbally.)
One says, "I'll have some H2O, please."
The other says "I'll have some H2O too, please." And he died.
Hahaha nice.
Reminds me of this one...
Johnny was a chemist's son,
But Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H20
was H2SO4.
I was out collecting money for a sponsored walk last week... I collected so much that I got a taxi instead.
----------
Maths problems, the only place where someone can buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why!
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Maths problems, the only place where someone can buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why!
Two Irishmen were floating miles from anywhere, dying of thirst in an open lifeboat when one of them finds an old lamp floating by. He fishes it out, rubs it dry and a genie appears who offers him a wish.
"I wish the sea was Guinness" he suggests. Immediately it turns black and frothy.
"You fecking eejit!" shouts the other. "Now we'll have to piss in the boat!"
"I wish the sea was Guinness" he suggests. Immediately it turns black and frothy.
"You fecking eejit!" shouts the other. "Now we'll have to piss in the boat!"