Corny Jokes and One Liners

[Doctor Q]

"I see," said the blind man, as he picked up a hammer and saw.

 

[Sword86]

Ever done archery blindfolded?
You don’t know what you’re missing.
[doublepost=1545168222][/doublepost]How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I’m not sure, but it’s not three because my basement is still dark.

 

[chown33]

"I see," said the blind man, as he picked up a hammer and saw.

"Say what?", said the mute, as he picked up a wheel and spoke.

 

[ProTruckDriver]

 

[Doctor Q]

For the math geeks among us...

A topologist's friend wanted to fix him up on a date.

"You've gotta meet this woman," the friend said. "She's smart, beautiful, friendly, accomplished, kind-hearted, has a great sense of humor and a great figure, and she's rich."

"I don't care about that," answered the topologist. "Are her ears pierced?"​

 

[chown33]

For the math geeks among us...

A topologist's friend wanted to fix him up on a date.

"You've gotta meet this woman," the friend said. "She's smart, beautiful, friendly, accomplished, kind-hearted, has a great sense of humor and a great figure, and she's rich."

"I don't care about that," answered the topologist. "Are her ears pierced?"​

His horoscope said he shouldn't date a Taurus.

 

[Doctor Q]

His horoscope said he shouldn't date a Taurus.

Please do-nut make such bad jokes.

 

[Doctor Q]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 

[Lioness~]

MacJournal sometimes comes with good Taco Humour

 

[Gutwrench]

Q. What do you get when you cross a unicorn and a balloon?

A. Not a balloon.

 

[Gregg2]

...or maybe not an inflated balloon?

 

[Lioness~]

Q. What do you get when you cross a unicorn and a balloon?

A. Not a balloon.

...or maybe not an inflated balloon?

Well, unicorns may be smart, so could be a flying unicorn

 

[kazmac]

Q. What do you get when you cross a unicorn and a balloon?

A. Not a balloon.

😂

But really the answer is a Pegasus.

Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts.

 

[obeygiant]

How does a T-rex clap his hands?




They don't they're dead!

 

[Ruggy]

Or Henny Youngman. Poor guy gets no respect.

Or even Groucho Marx

 

[Mousse]

Here's an oldie, but goodie "dad joke"

Me taking my kid to the hospital: I have a 10:30 appointment.
Nurse: Which doctor?
Me: No, just a regular doctor. *rim shot*

 

[ringoroo]

There are 2 types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,

 

[Thomas Veil]

​

 

[Gregg2]

There are 2 types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,

No, there are 3: those who can do math, and those who can't.

 

[compwiz1202]

No, there are 3: those who can do math, and those who can't.

Actually there are 10, those that know binary...

 

[rhett7660]

How does a T-rex clap his hands?




They don't they're dead!

This made me laugh waaaay to hard.

 

[compwiz1202]

This made me laugh waaaay to hard.

Lol I remember this kid telling one like that on the radio except the question was why can’t dinosaurs talk.

 

[LizKat]

Actually there are 10, those that know binary...

I used up my "hilarious!!!" reaction emoticon prematurely...

 

[ProTruckDriver]

A worker hears a blonde (I apologize to all the blondes in the audience) in the next cubicle sigh. He says, "Do you need some help?". "Yes, I can't get my password typed in". He asks, "What do you want as your password?".

She says: Mickey, Minnie, Popeye, Donald, Huey, Dewey, Louie, New York, Seattle, and Sacramento.
He says: Why pick a password that long?
She says: Well it says I need 7 characters and 3 capitals!

 

[Doctor Q]

...New York, Seattle...

I guess blondes don't know their state capitals!