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[D&D] The Lost Mines of Phandelver
- Thread starter ravenvii
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I also recommend that we get lots of money for the loot.
And argue that we have cleared the roads, and that horrible hideout of this infestation of goblin bandits.
Mind you, I am sure that company whose emblem - Sildar Hallwinter mentioned it - was on the supplies in the goblins hideout may well be pleased to learn that we have managed to salvage some of their goods.
I also recommend that we get lots of money for the loot
I recommend that some of you guys buy me a mug or two of the best ale in town as a thanks for saving your lives. I made the goblins go bye bye.
I would much rather buy a small halfling drinks then buy drinks for a bottomless dwarf
.Once we have drunk our fill and found a likely group of locals, do you want to start the bar fight ?
I would much rather buy a small halfling drinks then buy drinks for a bottomless dwarf
Once we have drunk our fill and found a likely group of locals, do you want to start the bar fight ?
I don't want to start a bar fight, but I do have the itch to play some cards, which usually ends up with me winning and everyone else fighting!
I will check out the joint for some fine dwarven ladies. Dancing on the tables drunk is one of my countless special moves!
I will sit quietly in a corner, meditating. And maybe reading. And keeping my eyes and ears - Elven senses are quite keen - open. And sipping something smooth and aged, nectar on the tongue.
I never figured out how to tell the dwarven ladies from the dwarven men in a bar. They both have beards and look alike
.
I never figured out how to tell the dwarven ladies from the dwarven men in a bar. They both have beards and look alike
But, Master Claus, with the greatest of respect, despite your considerable martial experience, your racial profile does not adequately equip you to identify a dwarven lady.
Only a dwarven male can be considered able to do so with any degree of……..certainty. This also adds a degree of winning complexity to the elaborate courtship rituals of dwarves, which are known to be subtle.
But I have no issues determining the sex of a female halfling or female elf in a bar
.
But I have no issues determining the sex of a female halfling or female elf in a bar
Of course not.
But dwarves are different (to elves and Halflings). Very different. And their courtship - or wooing - rituals are incredibly complex, subtle and - mostly hidden. Even from other dwarves. Especially from other dwarves.
Indeed, my studies on such matters suggest that it is not always clear at the outset of the courtship process even to dwarves just exactly whom they court. My understanding is that this information is only usually revealed when - or after - a considerable degree of mutual trust has been established.
> Did your studies by any chances were focused on the Uberwäld Dwarvish community?
According to the Commander of the City Watch in Waterdeep, -whom i use to accompany myself with in my spells in the city-, in their case it is a particular hard distinction, an he claims to be one of the few non-dwarf to be able to tell the difference (he never told me what the trick was).
however, my understanding of his stories is that this is not universal and difference can be very obvious in many cases. in fact, in some of the other dwarvish kingdoms the ladies can be "quite fetching" (his exact words).
Why yes, as it happens, my studies did indeed include a close examination of the customs and culture of the Uberwäld Dwarvish community, but were not confined to that extraordinarily interesting society. Other Dwarvish societies and cultures were also included in my studies.
It seems, Ser Bartholomeus, that your travels have taken you far and wide. You must have many interesting tales to tell, which I would be most interested in lending an ear to, over a glass, - or tankard - of shared aged ale or three.
The trick for finding out if a dwarf is female by the Commander of the City Watch in Waterdeep.
Party: We have found a female dwarf !
Date her! Date her!
Claus: We have found a female dwarf, may we date her ?
(cheers)
Veit: How do you known she is a female dwarf ?
Portia: She looks like one!
Veit: Bring her forward
(advance)
Woman: I'm not a female dwarf ! I'm not a female dwarf !
Veit: ehh... but you are dressed like one.
Woman: They dressed me up like this!
Party: naah no we didn't... no.
Woman: And this isn't my beard, it's a false one.
(Veit lifts up beard)
Veit: Well?
Claus: Well we did do the beard
Veit: The beard ?
Claus: ...And the mustache, but she is a female dwarf !
(party: yeah, Date her! Date her!)
Veit: Did you dress her up like this?
Claus: No! (no no... no) Yes. (yes yeah) a bit (a bit bit a bit) But she has got a wart!
(Syllin points at wart)
Veit: What makes you think she is a dwarven female ?
Portia: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Veit: A newt?!
(Portia pause & look around)
Portia: I got better.
(pause)
Bartholomeus: Date her anyway! (date her date her)
Veit: There are ways of telling whether she is a female dwarf.
Claus: Are there? Well then tell us! (tell us)
Veit: Tell me... what do you do with female dwarves ?
Bartholomeus: Date'em! Date them!
Veit: What do you date apart from female dwarves ?
Claus: More female dwarves! (Portia nudges Claus)
(pause)
Bartholomeus: Wooden statues of female dwarves
Veit: So, why do we date female dwarves ?
(long pause)
Portia: Cuz they're made of... wood?
Veit: Gooood.
(crowd congratulates Portia)
Veit: So, how do we tell if she is made of wood?
Claus: Build a bridge out of her!
Veit: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Claus: Oh yeah...
Veit: Does wood sink in water?
Claus: No
Syllin: No. It floats!
Claus: Let's throw her into the bog! (yeah yeah ya!)
Veit: What also floats in water?
Claus: Bread
Syllin: Apples
Portia: Very small rocks
(Veit looks annoyed)
Claus: Cider
Syllin: Grape gravy
Claus: Cherries
Portia: Mud
Bartholomeus: A Duck!
(all look and stare at Bartholomeus)
Veit: Exactly! So, logically...
Claus(thinking): If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood!
Veit: And therefore,
(pause & think)
Syllin: A female dwarf! (Claus: a female dwarf)(Portia: a female dwarf)(all: a female dwarf !)
Veit: We shall use my largest scales.
(Veit jumps down)
(walks over while cheering)
(push her into scale)
Veit: Right, remove the stops!
(wait while scales remains still)
All: A female dwarf! date her date her !!
I believe Pluto drunk all of our money's worth already.
brilliant!
i just re-watched Holy Grail last night with the kids.
there are at least 2-3 scenes that are among the best in movie history!
Part 2: Phandalin
Sildar starts limping on his crutches down the track towards the main street, clearly expecting that you follow.
>>> @Don't panic @twietee @Scepticalscribe @Plutonius @Moyank24 do you follow Sildar?
The rutted track emerges from a wooded hillside, and you catch your first glimpse of Phandalin. The town consists of forty or fifty simple log buildings, some built on old fieldstone foundations. Some old ruins -- crumbling stone walls covered in ivy and briars -- surround the newer houses and shops, showing how this must have been a much larger town in centuries past. Most of the newer buildings are set on the sides of the cart track, which widens into a muddy main street of sorts as it climbs toward a ruined manor house on a hillside at the east side of town.
As you approach, you see children playing on the town green and townsfolk tending to chores or running errands at shops. Many people look up at you as you approach, but all return to their business as you go by.
Sildar seems more at ease.
"My friends," he says, "let us secure lodgings. I'm told the local inn is very quaint."
As you approach, you see children playing on the town green and townsfolk tending to chores or running errands at shops. Many people look up at you as you approach, but all return to their business as you go by.
Sildar seems more at ease.
"My friends," he says, "let us secure lodgings. I'm told the local inn is very quaint."
Sildar starts limping on his crutches down the track towards the main street, clearly expecting that you follow.
>>> @Don't panic @twietee @Scepticalscribe @Plutonius @Moyank24 do you follow Sildar?
Ought we inquire whether there are any other inns to be found here, or can we rest assured that Sildar is about to steer us into the best inn…….in this - ah - metropolis?
I, too, shall follow him.
Especially if this inn has pretty women and strong booze!
Or strong women and pretty booze.
I'm not picky.
Especially if this inn has pretty women and strong booze!
Or strong women and pretty booze.
I'm not picky.
*To myself: I sincerely hope that Sildar Hallwinter leads us to not only the best inn to be found here, - complete with commodious accommodation, comfortable beds, baths of steaming hot water, decent fayre allowing for a good repast - but one equipped with the best taproom…….and beverages of some quality.
Sighs to myself. At one level it does make sense to follow in his footsteps, as he has promised us payment for our adventures thus far, and, I daresay, will be able to be of no small assistance when it comes to explaining that the wagons we had been paid to escort have been lost. Actually, utterly destroyed, not lost.
But still. Why do I have the feeling that our payment here will not mark the conclusion of our adventures? Why does my mind whisper to me that we may be led into further escapades of ever increasing…….um, challenge….?*