I can just see this scenario working out at Apple HQ between T.C. and the head of R&D:
Tim C: Ah...the new iMacs! What colors are you thinking and what is your projection in terms of sales in terms of men/women, old/young, professional vs casual user?
R&D: Ah...but Tim, that’s the good news I have for you. Color doesn’t matter. We can color them pink, black, green, brown, polka dots and guess what? They will all sell equally across all demographics.
Tim C: Note to self - “Cut R&D and advertising budgets! We’ve been doing this all wrong!
I just love fanfic! I hope this doesn’t offend you, but this story seems a bit dry. Might I suggest creating a bit more atmosphere and character? How about this?
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Apple Campus. The week before Easter. The Campus finally has some people back at work after getting fully vaccinated against COVID-19.
Tim C. storms into the R&D dungeon, catching everybody off-guard. He is not wearing his glasses, instead holding them in one hand that he waves around while yelling, while the other hand is tightly gripping what looks to be a handful of C. Federighi’s hair. J. Srouji hastily stops a comedy routine he’d been trying out on the staff, takes off a pair of AR-enabled Groucho glasses and tries to hide them under a sheet on his work table, then rushes to meet Tim C. In a far corner of the dungeon, you can hear J. Ternus shouting “not again!” as he takes off his shirt and tries to smother flaming equipment on a table marked “AirPower charger, Mk. 83.”
Tim C: “I’ve been looking around Apple Campus and every Mac is gray.… gray gray gray… I’m sick of it!”
J. Srouji: “Sir, this is hardware technologies and engineering… we generally don’t get into colors of Macs one way or another….”
Tim C: “I don’t want to hear it! I want ideas, NOW! I’m not going to let you off as easy as Craig….”
J. Srouji looks at the tuft of hair in Tim C.’s hand and shudders. He looks around, panicked. Not far from the makeshift theater he setup for his Marx Brothers AR routine, he spots the table the iPod touch team had been using. As usual, that “team” was doing anything EXCEPT their job. On the table was an apparatus they’d setup for dying their kids’ Easter eggs. At that moment, J. Srouji saw his only chance. He grabbed the egg carton full of freshly-dyed eggs… Blue, green, pink, orange, yellow, purple, all in slightly-washed out, pastel hues.
J. Srouji: “Oh, you mean THESE colors?”
Tim C: “Did Craig tell you I was coming? How did you get these colors picked so fast?”
J. Srouji: “……”
Tim C: “Never mind that. These are perfect, and just in time for spring!”
He dropped the handful of perfectly coiffed gray hair onto the dungeon floor, and calmly placed his glasses on his face. The entire room seemed ready to breathe a sigh of relief until a voice came from a guy nobody remembered walking in…
Random dude: “I don’t work here, was just on the tour and got lost looking for the bathroom, but…. does anybody else think those colors look, for lack of a better word, ‘feminine’?”
The room becomes eerily silent. The tension in the air is palpable as nobody dares speak or even move.
Just then, J. Ternus notices something about where the random dude is standing in the room. Having extinguished the latest flaming attempt at AirPower, he catches Tim C.‘s eye, shoots him a knowing glance, then walks over to him and hands him the all-new Apple TV Siri remote and says “Would you like to do the honors?” Tim C. smiles, calmly takes the remote, pushes the button that’s now quite easy to find simply by feel (compared to the old remote), and a previously unnoticed trap door suddenly opens beneath the random dude. He disappears, screaming, into the darkness below.
Tim C: “Love the colors, everybody. Keep up the good work!”
Scene.
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