Corny Jokes and One Liners

[0dev]

Children in Need is on the BBC tomorrow.

Given the current situation, I don't think the BBC are the best judges of what children need.

 

[SiriHicks]

Sally

Why did sally fall off the swing???
- She had no arms.....

Knock Knock
-Whos There
NOT SALLY!!!! hahahaha

 

[PinoyAko]

Man: Can I ask for some directions?
Girl: To where?
Man: To your heart.

 

[Medium Rare]

Celine Dion walks into a bar
The bartender says "why the long face?"

 

[ElitePancakes]

That's even worse than mine.

I remember reading this one in a science book.

Two men walk into a bar. (This one may take quite a while to get, and it'd be better if it was said verbally.)

One says, "I'll have some H2O, please."

The other says "I'll have some H2O too, please." And he died.

Two men walk into a bar.

One says, "I'll have so H2O please."

The other says, "I'll have some H2O, too. Please"

They both got water because the bartender isn't dumb as a doornail.

 

[hphorses]

what do you call cheese thats not yours? nacho cheese

 

[Thomas Veil]

I overheard this one in real life:

Doctor: So, what brings you here today?
Patient: The bus.​

And I read this one online the other day:

Comic Sans walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."​

(...I thought I'd heard it all, but font jokes have to be the nerdiest of the nerdy.)

 

[chown33]

I overheard this one in real life:

Doctor: So, what brings you here today?
Patient: The bus.​

And I read this one online the other day:

Comic Sans walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."​

(...I thought I'd heard it all, but font jokes have to be the nerdiest of the nerdy.)

How about:

Gill Sans Condensed walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
​

 

[Doctor Q]

How about:

Skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."

Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.

Soccer walks into a bar. The bartender kicks him out.

Gymnast walks into a bar and says "ouch!"

Neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says "For you, no charge."
​

 

[WhiteIphone5]

How about:

Skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."

Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.

Soccer walks into a bar. The bartender kicks him out.

Gymnast walks into a bar and says "ouch!"

Neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says "For you, no charge."
​

Lol I was just about to post about the neutron joke

 

[Comeagain?]

Where can you find Lithium, Bromine, Argon, and Yttrium?




At the LiBrArY!

 

[kylera]

Why does Santa have a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

 

[jumpmandds]

Why does Santa have a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

Lmao I'm laughing at that one lol

 

[NeathKid]

I went to Australia and i phoned my nan, I said, "Nan it's fifty degrees in the shade!" she said, "well what ever you do stay out of the shade."

My friend was killed by his mum and dad, I blame the parents

 

[Carlanga]

'I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.'



'I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.'

 

[roger-write]

Two snowmen are standing in a field and one says, "do you smell carrots?"

 

[n8mac]

Why did the owner of the nudist colony fire the architect?
Too many cracks.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

What do you call a flying cow?
High stakes.

Why did the blonde go to the dentist?
She found out that she had a nasal cavity.

If a woman's last name is Acid, what does her nephew call her?
Aunt Acid.

A slogan of a popular plastic surgery clinic. "We put a smile on your face."

What does a tape measurer take when at war?
Drastic measures!

What do you call a woman giving birth on a plane?
Airborne!

What animal doesn't do what it says?
A hippocrit!

What do you call an Egyptian who fell in the water but doesn't want to admit it?
In denile!

What kind of vehicle does an evangelizer drive?
A conversion van.

What do you call it when a jew sails around the earth?
Circumnavigation.

 

[MonkeySee....]

How about:

Skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."

Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.

Soccer walks into a bar. The bartender kicks him out.

Gymnast walks into a bar and says "ouch!"

Neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says "For you, no charge."
​

Soccer walks into a bar?

 

[fat jez]

Soccer walks into a bar?

should probably be a football walks into a bar. Except a football would roll or bounce.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

should probably be a football walks into a bar. Except a football would roll or bounce.

Not where the teller comes from. Here it's a soccer ball. They get kicked a lot more than our footballs.

 

[MonkeySee....]

Not where the teller comes from. Here it's a soccer ball. They get kicked a lot more than our footballs.

My point was more "soccer". Probably should have been "a soccer ball".

There is no such thing as a "soccer".

 

[Mac'nCheese]

My point was more "soccer". Probably should have been "a soccer ball".

There is no such thing as a "soccer".

Yes. I know what you meant. That's why I didn't quote you, you were obviously correcting the grammar.

 

[MonkeySee....]

Yes. I know what you meant. That's why I didn't quote you, you were obviously correcting the grammar.

Ahh. I thought you quoted me.
I'm tired

 

[chown33]

My point was more "soccer". Probably should have been "a soccer ball".

There is no such thing as a "soccer".

Look again. The link is referring to the font Soccer II. It's one of several posts on fonts walking into a bar.

 

[Peace]

Look again. The link is referring to the font Soccer II. It's one of several posts on fonts walking into a bar.

Some people don't care to actually read.