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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his pants.

Bartender says, "Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"

Pirate says, "Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!"
 
"is a cucumber longer, or greener?"
- "greener, because it's green on the inside too".

silly math jokes:

a neutron enters a bar and orders a beer. he asks the bartender for the bill and the guy says "for you? free of charge!"

an electron and a proton are walking hand in hand in the street. suddenly they stumble upon a neutron. the electron says to the proton "hey, isn't that your kid?" and the proton says "no". the electron says "are you sure?" and the proton says "i'm positive".
 
Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut?

A: Don´t talk to the guy in the middle, he´s a dick.
 
You meant diarrhea, of course, but you came closer than I did looking it up!

Have pity, the poster is an out-of-towner from across the pond.

Those poor people just dom't know how to spell correctly. They hold on to that old stuff because they're still smarting from losing that little dust-up in the late 1770's.:p
 
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: Fssssssshhhhhh.

Q: What do you get when a brown chicken has sex with a brown cow?

A: Brown chicken brown cow (answering in sing-songy 'bow chicca bow now').
 
one for the brits....

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.

Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take

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I went to see a house earlier with period features.

My wife hates it when I call her that...
 
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