I’ve been an Apple fan boy for years. Seriously, I think Apple rushed the release of these new MBPs. The notch is strange looking and apparently has some issues. The brightness of these screens are still 500 nits for SDR. The battery life is mediocre on the 14. There are ghosting and blooming issues. The 16 is a chunk and feels so heavy. I understand every new product will have its early issues but some of these issues that were flagged by others may be deal breakers.
You've got a lot of subjective, vague stuff loaded into your claims. First the actual measurements of size and weight completely refute the claims of "chunky and heavy". It simply isn't true. The battery life is outstanding if you look at real use, every objective reviewer that has tested it is extremely impressed.
These weren't "rushed". This is a product that was carefully considered and was years in the making. As far as the notch, touch base with reality. There either has to be a much bigger bezel in which case you'd be fainting about the huge increase in size or you have to have a notch. They've dealt with it well, it is not going to be an issue for the vast majority of users and for those for whom it is a huge deal simply buy another product and move on. The "ghosting" and "blooming" claims are utter nonsense and you have to really, really work hard to find it and see it. In common normal use it is regular humans won't see a thing.
As far as the obsession about the SDR brightness numbers here's a quote from a review that look closely at the real world impact and not focusing on an irrelevant number ...
"Still, the pure picture quality of the new Mini-LED screen is simple stunning. The black value ist extremely low at 0.01 cd/m² and therefore basically on par with OLED screens, which results in the extremely high contrast ratio. The subjective impression is great and the panel calibration is already excellent out of the box, so there are no further actions necessary and you can just start to edit pictures/videos in the P3 reference color space, which is covered completely."
The last major revamp of the MacBook Pro was soundly criticized and for good reason for a lot of folks. These new models address those issues. But by all means return this and buy an Intel based machine and carry on. The last thing any of us want is for you to be unhappy.